Oh man movie

Oh man, I hope this is still playing when I get back to L.A.!

http://ny.remezcla.com/2010/latin/la-mission/

And way to have a new, tight version of Be Thankful For What You Got in the preview, right as I was getting into that song again, hehe.

The Town I Live In Is Lonely

Not really, I just really like that song.

Listened to a Chicano oldies mix I made a long, long time ago last night and whoa, yeah, Chicano, that'ssss what I am...huh? Forgot some of the deeper emotions and feelings it brings out. That plus seeing an old car with a "Chicano" license plate on a friend's facebook profile. How can a big collection of metal do that? Of course, it's not just that...it's the memories and emotions associated with it, but now I'm just kind of putting out a bunch of thoughts and images from my mind in an attempt to make it into a blog post. I guess I could just forgo the blog post pretense and that would be better, though. Hm.

^
|
I

(Little Anthony & The Imperials ~ Tears On My Pillow)
(Thee Midniters ~ Everybody Needs Somebody to Love)

Well ~ Tough

Well, if there's any good side to what I've been thinking of recently, it's that we are one tough people.

Ah Articulation

I articulated a feeling tonight which has an uncannily haunting presence in my life:
No matter what I do to contribute to the world being a better place, no matter how far we come beyond our colonial past and existence, no matter what, I will never be able to escape the painful, terrible history of colonialism, because I am a part of it. It is a part of me. I am a product of it.
This is pain at a level I have never experienced until I articulated it tonight.
I will have to get over this at sometime; I actually thought I had gotten over it already. Perhaps renewed interest in the subject brought renewed self-reflection and perception into these feelings. This might mean I'm going to have to deal with this in different ways across my whole life. I really wish I would not have to, though.
I wonder, though - why do I feel so drawn toward learning more about this? It captures my passion and interest so much, along with a desire to do something good for mankind, but at the same time, in certain moments it can fill and paralyze me with despair.
What are we supposed to do, as a human race?

El Chicano

I remember my Dad requesting Sabor A Mi from a trio in a restaurant when my family and I were in Mexico sometime recently. It was good. Really good.

(El Chicano - Sabor A Mi)

What happened

What happened today? I woke up this fine Sunday morning at 8:30 all excited to start the day early; I ate breakfast, read some of the Japanese book I'm on now, then took a nap and woke up at 1!! Damn, well there goes that plan.

Anyways, had a big thinking breakthrough last night. I'm in a good place, I feel.

I'm going to start limiting my language studies to just 15 minutes in hopes of being able to do them every day. Here we gooo!

(Angel Baby - Rosie & the Originals - is this band Chicana/o or not? I can't figure it out.)

EE

Just finished listening to Delinquent Habits' first album and am now onto Deftones' White Pony. Uh oh, it looks like a "hardcore Chicano" day, haha.

History

I've been thinking about my ancestral history more and more these past few months. I've always wanted to learn about traditional Mexican medicine, but now that urge has gotten stronger, along with an interest in older, Indigenous medicine. Learning Nahuatl's become a reoccurring thought. Why has it been on my mind so much lately whether I look more Spanish or Indigenous? I've been thinking thoughts like, if the Aztec civilization had continued on its own path, as those of China and Japan have been able to do, what would it be like today? Today, I really felt, for the first time in a while, that almost helpless "It's not fair." Thinking in the context of all the world's history, the mass murder and death the Europeans inflicted, and continue to inflict, on the people of the "Americas" must be one of the most terrible things to ever occur.

And I am the embodiment of it.

Where is the happiness? Or rather, where does it come from? Because it is definitely still there, within me. My soul is here, as boundless as it was hundreds of years ago, as it is with all of us, even if my customs are tainted with colonizing impositions, inflicted over half of a century. Victor Villaseñor writes about the "power of any people who are put down: Yellow, Red, Black, White or Brown. They will rise up a thousand times more powerful, just like weeds breaking through the asphault. Nothing can stop the human spirit, especially when it's aware of its own power." Surely, this is true. People have overcome and provided for themselves in amazing ways. Sometimes, though, I can't see how it's enough. We have so much to do. Where is the strength to do that going to come from?

You know...

Usually, I think of the similarities between Latino/Chicano and Japanese culture, you know, like emphasis on the family, respect for elders, and all that good stuff. Today, I was reminded of a major point of difference: planning. Oh my gosh, why does everybody here have to make a plan for every little thing they do?

Another lesson in living in Japan: when your boss/mentor suddenly gives you a call a little ticked off that you haven't told him your family's plans for when they visit so he knows what days to take them sightseeing, is very taken aback to learn that you don't have any specific plans to work around, but still wants to meet to make up a plan, you cancel your own plans for the night so you can talk to him.

Although I've heard of people canceling dates and outings with friends which they've been planning on for a long time because their boss wants them to do something suddenly, this is the first time I've experienced it. I guess it's another part of learning to live in this country. Would've been a sweet show though...

Oh my gosh. The Ronettes, "Be My Baby"

Uh, wow. I don't know if I'd ever heard this song before, but hearing it this week, it struck something huge in me and I feel like I've grown up with it somehow. Apparently, the Youtube video can't be embedded in a webpage, so I'll put up the link, and I would really, really recommend watching it. Oh my gosh, the passion and just the way lead singer Veronica Bennett gets into it all is so awesome! I can totally relate to what I see in that video. It's interesting and cool, though, because I haven't really seen that kind of "spazzing" out by performers of pop music in the '60s. I am inspired. And I also now have a huge musician crush.

Apparently this song was "a worldwide hit, reaching #2 on the U.S. pop chart, #4 on the R&B chart, and #4 on the UK chart and sold over 2 million copies." Actually the whole wikipedia article on the Ronettes is really interesting when it talks about how the creators of the Ronettes used subtle details to cultivate the group's image (like small, yet leaping, deviations from the lyrical norm at the time - ie. addressing the listener directly with "I love you," instead of "I love him" for a more seductive or "bad girl" (direct?) image) and this "Wall of Sound" technique by Hal Blaine. Really, when you listen to this song with that in mind, it seems already like a modern, experimental take on U.S. '60s pop with its uncountable layers of percussion and melodies. Looks like the people who were making this music upped My Bloody Valentine and Deerhunter by a few decades. (You can also totally hear those kind of drums in "I Have A Boyfriend," by the Chiffons, too, which could also be described as a "wall of sound" - no mesmerizing castanets, though...:(). You can hear the intricacy of the song better on this studio version (and also look at some lovely lowrider art, hehe. Actually, I first found that video in a Youtube playlist of Chicano oldies someone had loaded up, so I actually probably have heard this, possibly numerous times, in my little years and just didn't remember it specifically.)

I don't think I've gotten this excited about a song or type of music in a long time! Those voices!

As

The Supremes, "Baby Love"

From a twitter of a professor:
"'Is Chicanismo dead?'" The question is more illuminating if we analyze the underlying assumption that it's unchanging."

As I live in Japan.
As I realize: I am now in Japan solely for the purpose of building up experiences living in Japan, and, yes, I now live in Japan.
As I try to learn Spanish while I try to learn Japanese.
As I title my new songs in English and Japanese.
As I just might have decided to study neocolonialism and decolonization for however many more years in school.
As I want to pursue my dream of making music in Japan.
As I want to pursue my dream of making music in L.A.
As I want people to talk to each other more, respect each other more, learn from each other more.
As I want people to work together, for everyone.
As I want just for myself to be a human being functional to the capacity of my and others' dreams.
As I realize how personal the reaches of decolonization must go.
As I realize the depths to which colonization penetrates that we must dig it out from that far within.
As I don't need to go back to the U.S., and moreso L.A. (violent, dirty, dry).
As I need to go back to the U.S., especially L.A. (beautiful people of color changing and shaping reality, people "weird" in a way I can relate to instantly, dirty).
As I think about whether to go to grad school in Japan or the U.S.

Whoa

A quick search on Youtube of "sitting in the park Chicano" shows me I hugely underestimated the presence this song has had in Chicano music. There's a lot of old school rap ones, too.

Sitting in the Park

I just got a hankering to listen to this song and found out the version I grew up listening to was a cover. Hahaha. And I can't find the version I want on the internet! Who did the "Chicano" version of this song?!

I want my "la la la"s and Latin percussion...but in the meantime, I'll listen to this beauty.

Día!

Oh yeah, I also really want to go to a Día de los muertos festival!!, but am pretty unsure about the chances of there being one even in the nearest big cities like Osaka, Kyoto, or Kobe. I really, really want to go. I never realized how much I was used to going to Self-Help Graphics every year in L.A. until last year, and this year I'm about to miss it again! Ah! Well, I've got the day of to see what I can find, if I just go straight to Osaka or something and look from there. But I have this work I have to get done for my new job, too...Oops, I forgot again!: living by yourself in another country is not easy!! Hahaha, well, good thing I reminded myself again.

Speaking of work, I saw a fireworks show from my new workplace over the weekend. It was really awesome because they launch the fireworks from really close to the school buildings, so everyone there was pretty much looking straight up and feeling the impact of the fireworks through the air at the same time as they heard and saw them explode. Cooool stuff. Good food. Good, fun, funny conversation. Met more interesting people. I should just write a book.

Canela

Recently, I suddenly got the urge to drink some canela (I don't know why, but I like the way it looks in italics), so I was very excited in my search for cinnamon sticks at the market today. After mucho, mucho looking I was about to finally give up (toward the end I even thought there might be some hope in the "ethnic" (ohmygosh so problematic) Asian food aisle. "Hey," I thought, "maybe those Thai people use that stuff, too, I mean, you never know..." It wasn't there.). When suddenly I found it!

I was so excited I bought two packs! So I get back tonight, and you know, as things start to wind down, I decide to go make some canela to warm down the evening, and...






What the F is that?!









Serious! They call that a cinnamon stick?! That thing's not even as big as my middle finger! And what with all its curls nicely wrapped up into itself, how's any flavor going to find it's way off of this thing!? It's so hard! And thick! And unflaky! And the smell! Agh! It makes me almost gag just sniffing it! It smells like someone sprinkled cinnamon powder all over these things. Seriously, what can you do with cinnamon sticks like these?? Where's the mustiness? The subtle, almost-not sweetness (or even complete lack of sweetness!)? That woody, earthy taste? I don't want to drink a cake, for crying out loud.

Blegh. Well, anyways, I decided to give it a try. At ten minutes in, then's barely any brown in the water. At 15, the water's pretty brown, but tastes just like tap water. Let's see where we're at now.







Looks dubious.








Well, I'm going to give it a try. Will report back in the morning...

Ugh, I just tried it. It's going to take some real experimentation to make this work. I could've just boiled some tap water and sprinkled cinnamon powder in it for this...:'(

Oh well, back to The Brief Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao, so I can feel like I'm reading one of the spooky stories my family tells whenever they get together. :)

Hey, pt. 2

So, here's the rest of my update:

I'm here in La La Land until the 17th of Sep., after which I gear up for Me in Japan pt. 2. Actually, this second chapter may have already begun when I ended my job, fought to keep an apartment, started looking for jobs in a foreign country not through a nice little college-style application process, underwent a massive cleanup of my place, applied for unemployment in a foreign country/language (The amount of anxiety and aversion I felt about going to the unemployment office was really surprising and I suppose ultimately understandable - I feel like not having a job, any kind of job, has got to rank up there as one of the most shameful things for someone raised pretty traditionally Mexican-American), and took my trip back home.

I'm really excited for this next part, especially thinking about how much I've learned in what's actually only been a month since my occupation came to a screeching end. New priorities include: focusing on languages more, reading a lot more (this might mean some inner negotiating with my cheap self who doesn't want to pay for shipping books transcontinentally, unless I can figure out another way...), and thinking more specifically about where to take my formal education next. All while continuing to live and learn to move with the flow, which has been cool so far.

I came back home and found my old Kind of Blue CD that my jazz band teacher gave me when I graduated from middle school. This album is so good. I've been listening to it every morning (I keep waking up at sunrise) (although today I listened to Carsick Cars). Amazing how you come to appreciate things over time.

Haha, I just talked to my grandma over the phone right now. Here's an excerpt from her telling me about a senior citizens' travel group trip to Washington D.C.: "Oh yeah, over there they have that thing for the, what do you call them, the soldados, you know where they have the names of all the soldiers that died. That sounds interesting. I don't really want to go to the White House or nothing like that. I don't know if they're gonna make us go there if we're in a group, but you know, they're all caca-heads over there. You know, we vote and vote and vote, and it doesn't matter if they're black, or white, or Mexican, you know, they don't do anything." I love my grandma so much :)

Some of the things I've been happiest about experiencing again since being back:
beans Mexicano style, tortillas, being able to make quesadillas at home easily, my charango, my accordion, a picture of my dad my sister put on the fridge that has the caption, "Hey! Watchate!" by it, my mom's cooking, my dog Chloe!!, concrete and asphault outside, Los Angeles air (okay, not just the smog, smoke, and exhaust, but you know...the atmosphere and wind as cars go by and...you know what I mean, right?!), seeing so many different types of people all together!, beautiful brown people walking on the street and sitting on their porches, having my dad show me all the Japanese Buddhist temples in Boyle Heights, doing a "refresher course" of some of my family's usual hangout spots (plus some new ones!!, which include the Korean chain cafe and bakery Paris Baguette), and you know, just seeing family in general. It's been nice. I'm really surprised at how relaxed I feel. This is really a good vacation. And a good trip home. I'm glad I made it. I'm glad I'm here.

Juvenile Irrational Fantasy of the Moment

...to play in a screaming, rocking, critically analyzing, anti-racism, rock-a-billy/punk/noise/rock 'n' roll group.


Hm, with more of an appreciation for punk, 50s-60s rock, and rockabilly now, I'm just right on my way to becoming a quintessential Chicano, aren't I? Haha. What could be next...? I never did get into Morissey...

Up For Bid!:

Ownership Over My Display of Filial Piety Today When I Set Out Three Cups of Tea for My Parents and our Visitor This Afternoon

Bidders seem to include...
growing up Mexican from the time I was born to now,
living in Japan for a total of one and a half years,
and perhaps...a little bit of U.S. influence, or the uniqueness of my own family, for me feeling obligated to do so before my mother.

Cry, cry cry cry

Oh, who're those charming, young Chicanos playing that crazy new dance music?



Now, this video shows that a rock band 40 years later can be just as weird, cool, and badass as they were the day they started.