Haha Name

Haha, and now I call L.A. Los Angeles.

Oh man!!

Oh man!! I haven't listened to Rage in soo long!!

The sounds of my childhood...

Time Sense

At 7:00
ALT (Assistant Language Teacher) who took over for me after I left JET: Hey man, ready to go?
Me: Hey, sorry I just got a call from a friend who wants me to go over and pick something up from their place. It should probably take about 15 minutes or so...could we maybe push dinner back to 7...:25?
ALT: Haha, why not just 7:30? 7:25's such a specific time.
Me: Alright, cool then, 7:30.

At 7:10, over the phone
Me: Hey man, I just got finished so I can meet whenever you want.
ALT: Okay, you wanna leave now then to go pick up the other person who's coming?
Me: Hm, well maybe we should give her more time since we told her 7:30 earlier. Should I come down to your room about 7:25 then?
ALT: Uh...why don't we just meet in the parking lot at 7:30.

My sense of time has changed majorly from what it was two years ago.

College

It's kind of a bummer, but mostly just weird, that I usually feel a little uncomfortable talking about college and grad school with most of my friends. I suddenly realize how uncommon it is for someone from my group of friends and family to continue school for years past adolescence. I suddenly feel different, like I stick out awkwardly from the people I love, even though there was nothing different between us only a moment ago. I feel a little spoiled for having the opportunity to go to college and even further on to graduate school if I want. I felt this for the first time in a while talking to some of my friends last night. I realized that most of the friends I've made in Japan, too, didn't go to college or quit high school after a year or two. Talking about leaving everyone and going back to the U.S. to go to graduate school makes me feel so separated from them, like a privileged child who takes for granted all the opportunity that's been laid right in front of me without me having to do anything. I know somewhere inside that it can be good to talk about college and education with loved ones who haven't pursued education that far, but it feels so arrogant. These aren't little kids you're trying to inspire to take their education as far as they can, they're grown adults who can shape their own lives by their own decisions. But maybe there are still some who want to try again, go back to school, and pursue a dream they have. Then, maybe it is right to talk about, or at least mention, my education and career goals non-awkwardly, just normally, and maybe one of my friends who's been thinking about that will find some inspiration in it. But really, who am I to think of myself as someone to give inspiration to others? Unless I am capable of doing it as any human is, as a gift from one human to another.

Oh man movie

Oh man, I hope this is still playing when I get back to L.A.!

http://ny.remezcla.com/2010/latin/la-mission/

And way to have a new, tight version of Be Thankful For What You Got in the preview, right as I was getting into that song again, hehe.

The Town I Live In Is Lonely

Not really, I just really like that song.

Listened to a Chicano oldies mix I made a long, long time ago last night and whoa, yeah, Chicano, that'ssss what I am...huh? Forgot some of the deeper emotions and feelings it brings out. That plus seeing an old car with a "Chicano" license plate on a friend's facebook profile. How can a big collection of metal do that? Of course, it's not just that...it's the memories and emotions associated with it, but now I'm just kind of putting out a bunch of thoughts and images from my mind in an attempt to make it into a blog post. I guess I could just forgo the blog post pretense and that would be better, though. Hm.

^
|
I

(Little Anthony & The Imperials ~ Tears On My Pillow)
(Thee Midniters ~ Everybody Needs Somebody to Love)

!

Holy sh*t, Lady Gaga totally rips off pachuca style at the end of the music video for Lovegame! Haha, why is my first response to seeing that kind of thing so defensive, when really it's not such a terrible thing? I'd like to get over that. What kind of dreams are caused by watching lots of Lady Gaga music videos in a row and then reading Murakami Haruki before going to bed?

Ahh

When I listen to William DeVaughn's Be Thankful For What You Got, I can clearly recall the feelings of riding in the backseat of the car with one of my parents driving and playing this song on a mix when I was little. I remember not really knowing what 'gangsta whitewalls' were, nor being able to understand quite what he was saying when he said, 'tv antennas in the back.' But I felt some joy when I heard him say, 'You may not have a car at all,' because I could understand that quite clearly and it brought the meaning of the rest of what he was saying but that I couldn't understand together. I still don't know what 'gangsta whitewalls' are, nor can I really pick up what he's saying when he says 'tv..enters..in the back' But man do I love this song.

I also remember that guitar, that unique guitar, when it comes in strongly and matches partially with the vocals, but at the same time is kind of off. I remember always being in awe of that guitar. It made my skin crawl and sent a sense of subtle irritation down me from head to toe because it was so strong and intrusive and didn't exactly fit what it seemed it was trying to fit. At the same time, it did fit, just right, and it raised the energy level of everything and made it sound prettier, too. I still get those feelings listening to the song today. I like that guitar, but I don't really like it. I anticipate its arrival with a sense of almost dread and excitement.

This song is my growing up. It is a part of my childhood so powerful that upon hearing it senses and memories flood back into the front of my consciousness. And you know, looking back at all these songs I was listening to as a child, it's not a wonder I turned out the way I did. Thanks Mom and Dad.

Here it is for your listening pleasure:

Even though...

Even though Lady GaGa's music is way more aggressive and affronting than the laid-back rock of Iwamano Kiyoshiro which I'm listening to now. And therein lies (part of) the awesomeness

Whoa

Oh my gosh, Lady GaGa is awesome! Soo, soo awesome!

Thinking again,

I think the music of transitions may be the most interesting.
Or at least very interesting in its own unique way.

Trans-music: The transition from 20 months in the Japanese countryside to an uncertain Los Angeles is interesting

The soundtrack for this person's transition from 20 months in countryside Japan to open-future Los Angeles includes a lot of Japanese psychedelia (Jacks, Apryl Fool, Happy End, Asakawa Maki), U.S. Oldies (Smokey Robinson, The Matadors, Francisco Aguabella, Skip Mahoney & the Casuals), mariachi (Los Camperos, Vicente Fernández, Pedro Fernández, Javier Solís), and alternative Japanese rock (Friction, Iwamano Kiyoshiro).

Whoa.

Wow.

Atsureki

Oh my gosh, Friction is so cool. And the guitar riff for Cool Fool is sooo good.

According to different accounts I've heard, either the lead singer and bassist of the band, Reck, started it after returning to Japan from New York, where he had been playing No Wave, or as soon as the band formed they went to New York then came back to Japan after a year or two and got big in Japan. In any case, they are awesome.

Unfortunately, I can't find any really good videos for this song on the internet, but all you need really to do is listen, right??!



I'll throw this live video with not so great quality in just for good measure, too.



Oh yeah, this video's pretty cool, too, though the song is different (Crazy Dream). Here's a transcription for what they're talking about in the beginning:
"Are you guys punk?"
"Uh...we don't think of ourselves as punk."
"So what are you."
"Uh...'i don't know.'"



I can't get over how cool these guys are.

I've been listening to nothing but Japanese music lately, actually, mostly from the '60s-'80s. I noticed the other day that I'm getting a lot of inspiration to make some good Chicano/a and/or decolonizing music once I get back to the U.S.

At the end of the last video, the lead singer's talking about how he lives in Tokyo and how the city gives him energy. Then, I think for the most part he's talking about how Tokyo throws away a lot of energy, so the energy hasn't taken off yet, but that he's making that energy take off. (Haha, he uses the word "energy" a lot so it's kind of hard to not do so here, too). He says he's putting out full energy and that people who understand what he's talking about can do it, too. Then, "...Don't you think so?" Haha. I'm not sure what he says at the very end, but it sounds kind of like, "Are you not used to this?" It's so interesting to me how different, yet similar, the singer and other members of the band are when they're playing and when they're giving an interview. Anyways, really interesting stuff to think about and inspiring music.

Argh! Thoughts After Getting Upset

California Campus Sees Uneasy Race Relations

Ah! It's unacceptable that after reading this I thought, "Oh yeah, this is what college is like," as if remembering an essential part of upper education that I had forgotten exists. Even more, then I thought, "Do I really want to go back to school (and deal with all this again)?" which is terrible! Then, "And people wonder why so little minority students go through with upper education!" Not only do we have to deal with established economic inequalities; racism prominent in every aspect of our society; violence, drugs, and alcoholism right in our communities; and out-of-control, immune, violently aggressive white people; when we finally get to college, we have to study our best in the face of ignorant, privileged people telling us they don't want us there. It never ends.

Ugh.

Addendum

Also of note from that dinner:

H. Apparently wealthy, tall, pale. Talks often of having a Dutch mother. Steadily, openly dating 50-something-year old professor from past college. Interested in linguistics and philosophy.

She bought a rabbit half a year ago and found, over the course of some weeks, that it was unfriendly, not so cute, and bit nearly everyone who came in contact with it. This winter, she decided it wasn't worth it to take care of it anymore, took it up into the mountains, and left it by itself.


Why are these the people who have money, power, and authority? Why are these the people who are welcomed with open arms and longing gazes when they travel to other countries? I want to ask, "Why are these the people who don't have to work for anything," but upon quick reflection I realize that that is part of what makes them what they are. (By the way, the descriptive paragraphs for both H and M are just meant to be descriptions, not what I'm frustrated about). Irresponsibility and self-love are bred so rife in privileged circles. Why do they have to have things so easy? Why do I have to go through the trouble of speaking up whenever they say something racist believing it to be accepted truth (which it is to so many people)? Is this ever going to change?

Man

M. Slightly heavyset, curly hair. Talks often of being Jewish. Dating a Japanese boy.

"I was asked today by one of my students which one Americans eat more typically, bread or rice, and I, of course, answered, 'Bread.'"

Me, "Really? You think so?"

"Well, yeah. As a side dish, most people eat bread, not rice."

An "uh-huh" from the girl sitting next to her, a doubting mumble from the boy sitting next to me.

"But what about all the people who eat rice at home? I eat rice every day at home. There are lots of people from other countries who eat rice as a main part of a meal."

"Well, yeah, like from Asia. Those are all imported cultures. I'm talking about actual American food."

Further agreement from the girl to my left, further dismay from the guy to my right.

"Yeah, Asian, like Asian-American."

"Okay, if you go to a restaurant, what you normally get served like as an appetizer or a side dish is a bread basket or something like that."

The sounds of agreement and disagreement grow even louder, into pronounced, "yeah!"s and shocked, "what are you talking about?"s.

"What kind of restaurant are you talking about? At Mexican restaurants all the food comes with rice. Bread almost never comes with it. You're talking about European-American food."

"Ah! Nevermind, just forget it, let's change the subject."

The girl from the side adds, "Yeah, come on guys, she was looking for support here."

"What? Why should I support that?" the two guys respond.

Hanging her head and covering her face, M, "Ah, anyways, let's talk about something else."

"...but you were the one who brought it up."

M changes the topic to something else. The two-person quiet conversation tries its best to continue on. Then, from across the table, the older Japanese woman, who was in charge of the dinner and Japanese class we were all attending, asks, "But, it's different according to region, isn't it?"

Haha, laughter, a "hai!" from me and the guy next to me as the three of us begin to talk about Cuban food the teacher had in Florida once. M laughs with frustration and begins a new conversation with the other girl.


This person was hired by the government and is paid an enormous amount of money to teach the children of Japan.

Quotes

Quotes from old men who look after me

"Mexicans are really smart. Do you know why? Because they're relatively pure-blooded. Koreans are smart, right? Chinese are smart, right? Blacks are smart, Japanese are smart. It's because they're blood isn't mixed. When you start mixing blood, things get weird."

"The quality of Japanese people has gone down since the end of the war. There aren't very many good people in Japan anymore. There were a lot before the war, but now, there are very few good Japanese people."

"Japanese people are becoming stupider and stupider. They barely even read books anymore, and just read manga all the time now, even full-grown adults."

"Japanese are different than they used to be before the war. Just last week, a 2nd year middle school boy was almost killed by three 3rd year boys. They just started beating him up, and luckily someone came by and saved him. Everybody watches variety shows that just make fun of people, anyone who's heavyset, or small, or old. Kids watch these shows and come to school and just make fun of each other and put each other down. In Osaka, you hear about young people beating up and killing homeless people all the time. The Japanese have become a people who pick on those who are weaker than them."

"You know how young Japanese people all dye their hair brown now? It's because they wish they could be like Westerners."

"Mexican women are really beautiful. You know why? It's because they're all mixed-blood. People with mixed-blood are really good-looking."

"As a Japanese, it really makes you feel good to hear that someone decided to study Japanese not because they saw some anime and thought the girls in it were cute or something, but because they thought the language itself was beautiful."

"The thing about Japanese is that if one person starts doing something, everybody else will start doing it too, until the whole country is doing it. It's part of the way we are. There have been good cases of it, Japan took in a lot of good ideas from other countries that way, but there are also bad cases. Young women only started dying their hair brown and trying to look more Western about ten years ago. Before then, no one was doing that. But all it takes is for it to become popular with one small group of people and everyone else who sees them will think they should do it, too. That's why so many people in Japan dye their hair."

"Whenever I hear him speak English, it sounds so cool to me."
"That's because that's how Japanese have been raised to think since the war. That's MacArthur's doing."

"The girls here are close to what women used to be like in Japan."

"It might be bad for me to tell you after you've come all this way and studied Japanese so much, but you should study Chinese. The future is in China. Japan's just going to continue going downhill from here. Economically, that is. Culturally, it'll keep cultivating itself - that's what happens in harsh economic times."

"I'm looking forward to seeing where you go from here."

Smiled

Today, I continued my streak of being able to wake up early and got up at 8, two hours before my alarm was to go off! I made breakfast, cleaned up around the apartment, got dressed, and started with the things I had planned on doing since the night before. I went to go pay my water bill at the gas station next door, owned by the landlord of my apartment and recently under renovations which include the addition of a car wash! Then, I went to the bank and withdrew some money, mailed a postcard off, and got to the bus stop 14 minutes ahead of time to wait for the bus that would take me to my next destination...

Himeji! Yes, I was off to the nearby town, the nearest place you might actually call a "big city," to look at books! I had had the craving to surround myself with lots of interesting, cheap books and look through them thoroughly one at a time for the past week and it was about time I got out of my little town, so I was off! I fell asleep about halfway through the ride, then woke up when we were almost at the end. I got off at the second to last stop, because it leaves you off not at the train station but right in front of a huge 100 yen shop that connects to a massive used bookstore! I went straight inside, and headed right to the rows and rows of books and just dove right in.

I spent a pretty good amount of time there and boy was I happy I had come. There was a special deal going on for all the books that were re-priced at 100 yen (which was about half of them) which lowered their price to 50 yen at one and 100 yen for three! I was so excited, I felt like a little child a little bit. I also felt like a huge nerd because I was walking fast all over the whole store seeing if I could find any other 100 yen books. But I also felt like a thrifty nerd, because I thought of how fun it would be to play a game in which I try to get the best three books possible for only 100 yen.

Looking around, I had a chance encounter with my past when I noticed a lot of books by an author named Yamada Amy. Most of the books seemed like they had to do with her relationship with African-Americans. I looked her up in my phone (technology can be useful sometimes) and found out that she's a celebrated Japanese writer who feels really connected to African-American culture and writes a lot about it. Then, I remembered that I had read about her when I was writing my thesis senior year of college. The author of the article I was citing had used her work as evidence of the prevalent, condescending attitude in Japan toward blacks, calling Yamada's books more akin to racist pornography than the bold, taboo-defying work it was said to be. Looking at the titles of some of her books, such as Animal Logic and Make Me Sick, I could see what the author had meant. Nevertheless, if she's such a prominent writer in Japan today, and the books are already used and only 100 yen, I figured I would do well to find out what her work was like for myself. Plus, one of her most celebrated novels, like much of her work, isn't about African-Americans at all, but the youth in modern Japan, so I bought that one, too. Alright, I was set with two books, After-School Music and Bedtime Eyes.

The third book was a little harder to find - once I started actually looking for names, I lost momentum - but I ended up going with the only Oe Kenzaburo book in the store, Until the Savior is Punched: The Burning Tree, Part 1. This one didn't feel as good as the first two, mainly because it looked way harder to read taking into account the length and the complex, abstract, psychological topics Oe usually deals with. But I wanted to get a work of his, so I went with it. Maybe I'll read it one day. On my last search around the store, I found a little book called I Worked as an Office Lady for Ten Years, which looked like really interesting and funny light reading, so I got that, too. Yeah! Four books for 150 yen! That's $1.67 for all you U.S. people out there. Very nice!

I left the bookstore in a good mood, checking the 100 yen shop on the way out to see if they had any take-fumi (little pads you can step on to massage your feet and improve your circulation), but they didn't. So, I headed on down to the station, picking up a delicious and huge chicken sandwich for pretty cheap from a Brazilian food cart on the way. I had recently been inspired by a friend of mine who listens to language tapes whenever he drives and is constantly studying languages. I found, when I went for a ride with him, that I could understand his Chinese and Russian instructional tapes, even though they were based in Japanese, and got excited to try getting some tapes of my own to listen to while I'm doing other things. The bookstore at the station, bigger than the last one and only dealing in new items, had a few for the languages I was interested in (Korean and Filipino), but they were really expensive and not worth the money. While I was there, I also searched for anything else that would be good in my study of Japanese, but didn't find much. I left the store with nothing, but still had a hard time getting out, as I do often with bookstores - there's just so much to see.

After that, I went to a store called Mujirushi Ryouhin (or Muji, for short), which sells clothing and household goods store and was right below. I needed some pants. I found some great black levis, too, which then turned out to be a little over 4,000 yen, which was waayy over my price range, so nothing came of that. I found a cool long-sleeved shirt that was striped green and gray, but the neck was too low. I left and went to the underground shopping mall.

I decided I need a break right then and there!, so I went to a little bakery/cafe place where I got a yomogi-red bean bun and brought it to the register.

"That'll be 140 yen," said the girl at the register.
"Oh, and I'll have an iced milk, too, please," I added. I called the item by the name I've usually heard it called in these kinds of bakery/cafes, "aisu miruku." As I was finishing speaking, the girl, looking down, motioned up to the LCD screen where the price was written in green numbers. I paused for a second.
"An iced milk?" I asked again. She looked up. Her eyes were wide and she looked very confused.
"Um, do you have iced milk?" I tried again. She looked at me blankly. "Gyunyu?" I used the Japanese word for just milk this time. I laughed a little bit and smiled to ease her what seemed like combination of fear and anxiousness.
"Uhh...all the items we have are written here," the girl motioned geometric-softly up to her right, where there was a chalkboard with drinks written on them. She seemed at a total loss for what to do.
I looked up at the chalkboard, hoping I wasn't going to have to explain what an iced milk was, and found it second from the top: aisu miruku, iced milk. I pointed up and asked,
"Iced milk?"
She looked up and back down, looking even more bewildered than before. Her senpai, or older, employee had been standing next to her since the confusion began, and to her the girl said hesitantly,
"Iced milk?"
The older girl looked down and nodded, biting her lips. A smile was coming out of the corners.
"Okay!" the younger girl said. She snapped back into action, ringing up the order, and the older employee went to the back, called out,
"Iced milk!"
and began to prepare the drink. It was all ready before I even found a place to sit down. I relaxed, snacked on my meal, and looked over my new books excitedly, as the girls talked and laughed loudly behind me. They seemed to be the only employees working at the time, and it looked like they got along well. They both instantly seemed a lot younger as soon they were talking at ease amongst themselves.

After that, I went up a flight of stairs and outside to look for another used bookstore I had seen before on my trips to Himeji but never gone in. I hadn't been able to find it earlier today, but this time I went a little bit further and found it in a little alley! This place was amazing! From the entrance to the skinny staircase that led from the sidewalk up and across every single wall in the small little room, everything was lined with books! I got really excited in this place, too. I was moved all over the place, exclaiming to myself at all the neat books they had (the owner had moved downstairs to the next-door cafe he runs once I got up, leaving the place to only me!). I even found such familiar items as Condorito comic books, works on Nihilism (translated) (There was also a full Nietzsche set in German!), and a Rainbow Fish book! This place was beautiful, and I stayed in there just reveling in it for probably an hour at least. In one corner of the room, I found a beautiful big volume of a book on Latin America with lots of photographs and information for only 100 yen (marked down from 300)! I was tempted to buy it, but figured I didn't really need it, it would be cool if a Japanese person came in and found it and had their interest sparked by it (or something like that), and put it back. After a while another guy came in, and I, also thinking of how I'd been missed buses consecutively in order to stay longer in the store, left after a little bit.

Afterward, I went into the cafe next door and accidentally kicked over the owners wooden "We're Open" sign, which called him out of the cafe and prompted a "Sorry!" out of me. I went in and ordered a coffee. It was a little much, but I reasoned I was paying for the environment and that the money was going in a good direction. The cafe was in a similar state as the shop, lined completely on one wall with bookshelves that leaned like they were ready to fall over onto you but you knew (or figured) they wouldn't. I like that, the way some portions of bookshelves in used bookstores like this look like they're ready to tumble over, while others look as securely and immovably stuck in place as possible. I found out about a photography show that was going to be held in a gallery upstairs above the cafe next week, then I left.

I walked down a ways to a restaurant I like to go to when I'm out in the city and can find it. I ordered a salt-grilled sanma (pike or saury, a type of fish) set meal from the machine, but it gave me a ticket for curry rice. I didn't notice until it was too late, but upon thinking about it a bit I figured I would only bring it up if it was more expensive than what I had originally wanted (a flashing feeling to my life in the U.S.). It was about 200 yen cheaper, so I went with it. A blessing (or hint) from the heavens. I missed the bus I had been planning on taking so I could relax and eat, so after finishing dinner I went back to the first bookstore, which is also attached to a movie and music shop, and hung around for a while there. I was looking for "The Good, the Bad, and the Weird," that movie recently made in Korea, but I couldn't find it. I decided I wasn't going to miss another bus to keep looking so I booked it on down the main street, got and out of the bus station and to the bus one minute before it was set to leave. Good timing.

Entering the bus, the only seat open was the long one in the back, where a high school girl was sitting all the way to the right. I sat all the way to the left. On the way back, I hummed to myself, as I often do on these long bus rides back from the city, confident and comforted in knowing that my vocal vibrations would be drowned out to all others by the sounds of the bus's engines. Somewhere between 20 and 30 minutes into the ride, I fell asleep pretty hard, and then woke up 10 minutes before arrival. I felt nice and rested, but still tired and in that good groggy state. It had been a good day.

Well ~ Tough

Well, if there's any good side to what I've been thinking of recently, it's that we are one tough people.

Ah Articulation

I articulated a feeling tonight which has an uncannily haunting presence in my life:
No matter what I do to contribute to the world being a better place, no matter how far we come beyond our colonial past and existence, no matter what, I will never be able to escape the painful, terrible history of colonialism, because I am a part of it. It is a part of me. I am a product of it.
This is pain at a level I have never experienced until I articulated it tonight.
I will have to get over this at sometime; I actually thought I had gotten over it already. Perhaps renewed interest in the subject brought renewed self-reflection and perception into these feelings. This might mean I'm going to have to deal with this in different ways across my whole life. I really wish I would not have to, though.
I wonder, though - why do I feel so drawn toward learning more about this? It captures my passion and interest so much, along with a desire to do something good for mankind, but at the same time, in certain moments it can fill and paralyze me with despair.
What are we supposed to do, as a human race?