!

Holy sh*t, Lady Gaga totally rips off pachuca style at the end of the music video for Lovegame! Haha, why is my first response to seeing that kind of thing so defensive, when really it's not such a terrible thing? I'd like to get over that. What kind of dreams are caused by watching lots of Lady Gaga music videos in a row and then reading Murakami Haruki before going to bed?

Oh my Plesae Thank You

I went to bed at 6:30 this morning. I haven't done that kind of fun since probably high school.

I hope I can go to bed at a relatively early hour tonight, even though I woke up less than 7 hours ago. It's 9:40pm.

UPdate: the amount of clarity and gelling that's appearing in my head regarding what I want to do with the next few years/my education/my life is happy-fying.

Ooh, this is going to be fun.

Reading, and Writing

I just finished organizing and dating what turned out to be 15 journals I've written since the summer I came to Japan.














(I just noticed #1 has slid underneath #2, maybe because it's shy. After all, it's the oldest of the bunch.)

Wow. Feels good, and I'm not quite sure why, but I have an idea or few. This is the stuff of stories. This is the basis of a book (or many).

In other news, I'm on page 416 now in Murakami Haruki's "1Q84." I won't say anything about it, though I have some things going on in my mind. Almost time for Book 2! I want to order Book 3 before it comes out next month and I go back to LaLaLand.

Listening to some old Japanese music (as in I got it much earlier in my stay here). It's nice. I'm hungry. I think I'll go eat something.

Box es

Bought two boxes, and got four shipping lables (probably two in case I MESS UP or MAKE A MISTAKE), from the post office today.

I'm listening to Animal Collective's Sung Tongs again after a long, long time which involved me not listening to that album after seeing the music video for Leaf House against recently and remembering what an awesome song that is./I'm ready to go.

I'm feeling weird.

But/And that's okay.

Whoa

Whoa, it's going to be weird to not live in Japan

Time

Time to pull this thing into overdrive! It's time to get going!!

Man

I really appreciate all the things my friends are doing to try to keep me here, but, man, it's not making leaving any easier. I guess that's the point. Geez, I guess when people in this town decide they want to hold onto something/someone, they don't hold back!

Ahh

When I listen to William DeVaughn's Be Thankful For What You Got, I can clearly recall the feelings of riding in the backseat of the car with one of my parents driving and playing this song on a mix when I was little. I remember not really knowing what 'gangsta whitewalls' were, nor being able to understand quite what he was saying when he said, 'tv antennas in the back.' But I felt some joy when I heard him say, 'You may not have a car at all,' because I could understand that quite clearly and it brought the meaning of the rest of what he was saying but that I couldn't understand together. I still don't know what 'gangsta whitewalls' are, nor can I really pick up what he's saying when he says 'tv..enters..in the back' But man do I love this song.

I also remember that guitar, that unique guitar, when it comes in strongly and matches partially with the vocals, but at the same time is kind of off. I remember always being in awe of that guitar. It made my skin crawl and sent a sense of subtle irritation down me from head to toe because it was so strong and intrusive and didn't exactly fit what it seemed it was trying to fit. At the same time, it did fit, just right, and it raised the energy level of everything and made it sound prettier, too. I still get those feelings listening to the song today. I like that guitar, but I don't really like it. I anticipate its arrival with a sense of almost dread and excitement.

This song is my growing up. It is a part of my childhood so powerful that upon hearing it senses and memories flood back into the front of my consciousness. And you know, looking back at all these songs I was listening to as a child, it's not a wonder I turned out the way I did. Thanks Mom and Dad.

Here it is for your listening pleasure:

Brain

My brain is funny.

Holy

Holy shit, like reeealllly awesome.

Even though...

Even though Lady GaGa's music is way more aggressive and affronting than the laid-back rock of Iwamano Kiyoshiro which I'm listening to now. And therein lies (part of) the awesomeness

Gr

But every time I listen to her for a long time, all my other music seems so gratingly masculine.

Whoa

Oh my gosh, Lady GaGa is awesome! Soo, soo awesome!

Wow

Wow, I am like, really, looking forward to going back to L.A.

Not that I dislike where I am now.

It's just...wow, it's exciting.

I Love Cooking

I love cooking. Even when I'm having a "bad" day, cooking puts my mind at ease and satisfies my stomach and being. I'm thinking now, after cooking, that things can't be that bad.

William DeVaughn - Be Thankful For What You Got

Aagh

Agh, I hate Adobe Acrobat. Everytime I try to download a file and print it my computer always makes me use it, but when it opens, the file comes up blank and the program tells me it's looking for updates but can't find any so I should check my internet settings and firewall, and even when I turn my firewall OFF for a short while it still can't find updates and the file still comes out blank oh my gosh argh argh argh!

Whoa

Whoa, thunder just sounded outside.


I guess it will start raining now.




Oh, it happened again. And it's raining now.


I think it's going to rain a lot tonight.



Whoa! Lightning just flashed under the blanket pinned up in front of the big glass sliding doors in my room!


Again!

Haha Me

Haha, I just realized I'm one of those people I swore I'd never be so many years ago who takes 2, or even 3!, years off between college and whatever schooling's next. Let's hear it for shower revelations.

Walking Stars

I just read the last story in Walking Stars by Victor Villaseñor and it was awesome!

Just a Thought

I just had a thought.

Countries are a thing of the past. We have to be international people from now on.

(Nujabes ~ Ordinary Joe (Feat. Terry Callier))

I Can't Believe This

Japanese Hip-Hop producer Nujabes dies

I never saw this coming. Holy shit, this guy made such amazing, beautiful music, I can't even believe it. I can't believe he's no longer alive. And only at 36. Why did something like that have to happen?

After reading that, I thought, "Wow, I guess life really is short. It can end at any time. You really have to live, every second, every single moment of it, with all the feeling and love you can. You have to live every moment of your life as it if could end at any time. Because it can."

Sometimes, you just suddenly feel, very, very clearly, the truth that your life could disappear from you at any moment. You understand at a deep, primitive level the quickness and lack of any warning or signal with which your life could wisp away from your body before you even know it. You know truly, then, that you have no control. I felt all that very clearly when I found out that Nujabes had died in a car accident at 36.

I spent so much time listening to his album, Modal Soul, when I was in the depths of some kind of depression I couldn't even grasp in over a year ago's fall and winter. I can clearly recall the feelings of driving in that small, blue car down a dusky, thin, night road, going nowhere, just driving to let myself think, to leave the house that pushed down on me with an oppressive presence, just to get away. Listening to his music alone at night in that car, driving, I somehow was able to diffuse negative feelings into the air around me. Even remembering some parts of that album now pull at my insides, making me feel like crying a bit. I may have even been listening to him that night I pulled over on the side of the road and wanted to cry so badly but couldn't. Maybe that feeling is still somewhere in me. It was something I felt more than once on those drives.

I remember thinking his music was so beautiful and being moved by it when I first heard it. I still have those feelings, and ones like them, when I listen to his music today. I don't know if it "got me through a hard time," or if I just happened to be listening to it when I was going through harsh experiences, but his music penetrated deep into my soul, and it mixed with whatever was going on in it at that time. It's part of my soul's memory, history, now. I'll always feel connected to this album, and to Nujabes's music.

Rest in peace.

Taking ・ Listening

Taking pictures of things you own to put on a for sale flier while listening to Yo La Tengo (Season of the Shark) is strangely boring, yet slightly emotional and cathartic.

Thinking again,

I think the music of transitions may be the most interesting.
Or at least very interesting in its own unique way.

Trans-music: The transition from 20 months in the Japanese countryside to an uncertain Los Angeles is interesting

The soundtrack for this person's transition from 20 months in countryside Japan to open-future Los Angeles includes a lot of Japanese psychedelia (Jacks, Apryl Fool, Happy End, Asakawa Maki), U.S. Oldies (Smokey Robinson, The Matadors, Francisco Aguabella, Skip Mahoney & the Casuals), mariachi (Los Camperos, Vicente Fernández, Pedro Fernández, Javier Solís), and alternative Japanese rock (Friction, Iwamano Kiyoshiro).

Whoa.

Wow.

Newspaper #4?

Doorbell.
Walk over and answer.
"Sorry to trouble you! Good afternoon!" with a huge grin on his face, constantly, slowly bowing. "I'm here from Asahi Newspaper." looks at me longer, still bowing. "You don't read the newspaper, do you?"
"No, I don't."
"Sorry to trouble you!" and he leaves.

Atsureki

Oh my gosh, Friction is so cool. And the guitar riff for Cool Fool is sooo good.

According to different accounts I've heard, either the lead singer and bassist of the band, Reck, started it after returning to Japan from New York, where he had been playing No Wave, or as soon as the band formed they went to New York then came back to Japan after a year or two and got big in Japan. In any case, they are awesome.

Unfortunately, I can't find any really good videos for this song on the internet, but all you need really to do is listen, right??!



I'll throw this live video with not so great quality in just for good measure, too.



Oh yeah, this video's pretty cool, too, though the song is different (Crazy Dream). Here's a transcription for what they're talking about in the beginning:
"Are you guys punk?"
"Uh...we don't think of ourselves as punk."
"So what are you."
"Uh...'i don't know.'"



I can't get over how cool these guys are.

I've been listening to nothing but Japanese music lately, actually, mostly from the '60s-'80s. I noticed the other day that I'm getting a lot of inspiration to make some good Chicano/a and/or decolonizing music once I get back to the U.S.

At the end of the last video, the lead singer's talking about how he lives in Tokyo and how the city gives him energy. Then, I think for the most part he's talking about how Tokyo throws away a lot of energy, so the energy hasn't taken off yet, but that he's making that energy take off. (Haha, he uses the word "energy" a lot so it's kind of hard to not do so here, too). He says he's putting out full energy and that people who understand what he's talking about can do it, too. Then, "...Don't you think so?" Haha. I'm not sure what he says at the very end, but it sounds kind of like, "Are you not used to this?" It's so interesting to me how different, yet similar, the singer and other members of the band are when they're playing and when they're giving an interview. Anyways, really interesting stuff to think about and inspiring music.

DODDODO

DODDODO, awesome as always.

I've been listening to a lot of Japanese music lately.

Breakfast

There's always something comfortable about eating breakfast for dinner. It doesn't matter if it's pancakes, papas con huevos, or rice with natto and salmon. Mm, it's so good.

Everything

(Everything that's been happening lately is making me say) It's time to go back.

Really

Where is the beauty?

(Skip Mahoney & the Casuals ~ Wherever You Go)

Argh! Thoughts After Getting Upset

California Campus Sees Uneasy Race Relations

Ah! It's unacceptable that after reading this I thought, "Oh yeah, this is what college is like," as if remembering an essential part of upper education that I had forgotten exists. Even more, then I thought, "Do I really want to go back to school (and deal with all this again)?" which is terrible! Then, "And people wonder why so little minority students go through with upper education!" Not only do we have to deal with established economic inequalities; racism prominent in every aspect of our society; violence, drugs, and alcoholism right in our communities; and out-of-control, immune, violently aggressive white people; when we finally get to college, we have to study our best in the face of ignorant, privileged people telling us they don't want us there. It never ends.

Ugh.

Addendum

Also of note from that dinner:

H. Apparently wealthy, tall, pale. Talks often of having a Dutch mother. Steadily, openly dating 50-something-year old professor from past college. Interested in linguistics and philosophy.

She bought a rabbit half a year ago and found, over the course of some weeks, that it was unfriendly, not so cute, and bit nearly everyone who came in contact with it. This winter, she decided it wasn't worth it to take care of it anymore, took it up into the mountains, and left it by itself.


Why are these the people who have money, power, and authority? Why are these the people who are welcomed with open arms and longing gazes when they travel to other countries? I want to ask, "Why are these the people who don't have to work for anything," but upon quick reflection I realize that that is part of what makes them what they are. (By the way, the descriptive paragraphs for both H and M are just meant to be descriptions, not what I'm frustrated about). Irresponsibility and self-love are bred so rife in privileged circles. Why do they have to have things so easy? Why do I have to go through the trouble of speaking up whenever they say something racist believing it to be accepted truth (which it is to so many people)? Is this ever going to change?

Man

M. Slightly heavyset, curly hair. Talks often of being Jewish. Dating a Japanese boy.

"I was asked today by one of my students which one Americans eat more typically, bread or rice, and I, of course, answered, 'Bread.'"

Me, "Really? You think so?"

"Well, yeah. As a side dish, most people eat bread, not rice."

An "uh-huh" from the girl sitting next to her, a doubting mumble from the boy sitting next to me.

"But what about all the people who eat rice at home? I eat rice every day at home. There are lots of people from other countries who eat rice as a main part of a meal."

"Well, yeah, like from Asia. Those are all imported cultures. I'm talking about actual American food."

Further agreement from the girl to my left, further dismay from the guy to my right.

"Yeah, Asian, like Asian-American."

"Okay, if you go to a restaurant, what you normally get served like as an appetizer or a side dish is a bread basket or something like that."

The sounds of agreement and disagreement grow even louder, into pronounced, "yeah!"s and shocked, "what are you talking about?"s.

"What kind of restaurant are you talking about? At Mexican restaurants all the food comes with rice. Bread almost never comes with it. You're talking about European-American food."

"Ah! Nevermind, just forget it, let's change the subject."

The girl from the side adds, "Yeah, come on guys, she was looking for support here."

"What? Why should I support that?" the two guys respond.

Hanging her head and covering her face, M, "Ah, anyways, let's talk about something else."

"...but you were the one who brought it up."

M changes the topic to something else. The two-person quiet conversation tries its best to continue on. Then, from across the table, the older Japanese woman, who was in charge of the dinner and Japanese class we were all attending, asks, "But, it's different according to region, isn't it?"

Haha, laughter, a "hai!" from me and the guy next to me as the three of us begin to talk about Cuban food the teacher had in Florida once. M laughs with frustration and begins a new conversation with the other girl.


This person was hired by the government and is paid an enormous amount of money to teach the children of Japan.

Oh man!

Oh man, I just made the best meal I've made in a long time! That was so good! I was just possessed with a sudden, quickly growing urge to make a good late lunch-early dinner, and it turned out aawwesomely. Mm, saba (mackeral) with a quickly done katsuo (bonita)-base shitake soup, freshly grated daikon (white radish) with ponzu (um...) on top, and warmed up rice. Oh my gosh, that was so good. I am happy and satisfied. I'm happy to have what seems to be a natural instinct to survive that makes me get really interested in cooking when I don't have a lot of money.

I wrote some character lists and story outlines today at the mall for one of the stories I'm thinking about. That's when the urge to eat/cook hit me! And I also saw one of my old elementary school students who was in 4th grade, I think, when I taught him. He was with his Mom when he turned around on the escalator, saw me, and instantly started smiling really widely and waving energetically! I did the same!

I've got an invitation to go to someone in town's house for dinner tonight, and though I'm pretty filled up, I have very little doubt I'll be able to eat a whole other full meal. Mmm :)

PaNTs

Holy moley, these pants are comfortable, and they were only 490 yen! I'm going to buy one or two more pairs tomorrow!

Bought

I bought a pair of black, corduroy pants today. I've been needing a new pair of pants for a while. So this is good. I also bought this:













It's a blanket, rolled up.

And holy moley, I'm listening to the CD I made of all my own material a few months ago, and, man, it is intense. If you want to know what depression and angst sound like, there are a couple of tracks you can listen to for that. Not that there aren't happy and peaceful songs on it, nor that the intense songs are purely sorrowful without any other feelings mixed in. It's quite a complex pastel color palette of emotions.

I

It's weird when you realize that the time you spend speaking (and even more so, speaking to other people) definitely makes up the minority of the time in your day. Talking to people feels something like a special occasion to me now.

Well, I've got my soy milk and green tea and cream pastry and am ready to write.

(lonesome pilot ~ young blossom street)