BLONDEnewHALF

I just found these videos. Man, how have I been neglecting to see this band for so long?! Their name is all over fliers for the places I usually go to.





I'm seeing them first chance I next get.

Hm...Music

Hm...to go all the way to Osaka to see awesome band/kind of friends I haven't talked to in a while, or not to go all the way to blah blah blah blah blah blah in a while.





The answer is looking more and more apparent.

I made okonomiyaki today.

I made okonomiyaki today.




















I put bacon and kimchi in it. It was good, if I do say so myself :)

Tonight was the third time I've bought and cooked with meat (after using shrimp in my fried rice two times). I really thought about it for a long time and almost didn't buy it, but I didn't want to just put kimchi in the okonomiyaki, and after not being able to find any blocks of mochi, I felt time's pull and just went with the pork. It tasted good, though. Maybe cooking with and eating meat is like murder, and it gets easier every time.

Really, though, it feels good to be getting a handle on basic cooking now. Once you get the sense of things, you can pretty much carry it into anything else and even stuff you thought was completely unrelated to stuff you've made before becomes easier. That was a long sentence.

No update for a while, huh. Sorry 'bout that.

Tonight, I felt the mood again. That mysterious mood that seems to come on when the lights are low (this time, I had just a lamp on my desk switched on). I felt it (listening to Lotus Plaza and Deerhunter), overcame a temptation to laziness, and felt better for it! I took out my Spanish newspapers, which I had been using for practice, and drew on them with pens and colored pencils. It's back! So, now I have some new decorations to put up around the place, in addition to my Rody sheet and unagi-don (teriyaki eel rice bowl) poster. Mmm.

Reloj

I've been dancing a lot more lately. Granted, in my room, but like...everywhere I go and any time I do anything I do in my room. And then there's bikeride/dancing. That's really fun. I don't know if it's because of my suddenly listening to pretty much nothing but Cuban music or my mood - or both are combined! I'm going to keep going with this :)

Mm Yeah!

Yeah! This is awesome! I forgot what it was like to be fun me! This rocks! And is so much more fun!

Mhm

Ralfi Pagan ~ Ain't No Big Thing!

!

Hm, maybe it would be a lot different if I looked forward as I went, rather then down at my feet to make sure I'm stable.

Weird, yet Real, I Suppose

It's weird to notice that everything I feel, no matter how strongly, seems to always change and morph into something new, which dictates the way I move through that day, that moment, and then changes again into a new kind of feeling. It kind of feels like I'm riding some tilting piece of wood over waves moving toward me. It takes some getting used to to learn how to move with it, stay on top of things, and keep moving forward. I'll keep going with it.

Work

I got a job! And there's a good story to go with it, too, but I've told it so many times, one of them in struggling Japanese (not an excellent day for Japanese today), that I'm a little too tired to write it out. It's good, though, so I want to put it up eventually. In any case, I've got a job now, with no major long-term commitment, but with major long-term opportunities. Exciting things. Biting things. Things are changing, around me and in me. I came back to Japan to learn a whole lot.

I also went for an hour-long practice run around a driving course in town today with an instructor. I take my driver's license driving test on Wednesday, so I'm getting ready. Hereee we goo!

I wonder where things will go from here. Where I will take them, and what will happen to me.

Ya Me Voy

"Yo me voy"

Means this is the beginning of a new life, and the good guy who gets fucked around with by other people is over.

Manuel Guajiro Mirabal - Deuda

Okay

Okay, really starting to miss friends now.

I miss having people who just understand the way I feel, with whom I can relate so easily without even having to say much, who enjoy doing the same kinds of things as me, who care a lot about the world and people besides themselves, who can just chill out and enjoy themselves, who laugh incessantly about really nerdy or random things that don't even make sense to other people, with whom I feel so immediately at ease that I never quite noticed it or appreciated it as much as I do now. It's hard to find/make good friends and amazing when you do. It's exciting to travel on my own and go out and meet new people and make new friendships, but when it comes down to it and I'm really all by myself, it's hard not being able to see your friends at a moment's ease. It's amazing how much I actually need to be around or in communication with my friends, just to remind me subconsciously that there are people who care about me and that I mean something to someone else. I don't know if this is a common thing, but I feel like it can't just be me who feels this way. Even for all my independence, without that constant reminder, I seem to forget. Maybe because I'm in a foreign country, completely separated from a major part of my culture and the comforts in the way I live. I think that maybe I tend to "wash out to sea," if you will. Lose myself in the mass of swirling people and lives and forget about the identity that kept me so reinforced while I was back at home. Maybe I really do need to go out and find more Latinos here. So much of what makes up what I am is so far away, and although it's all inside me really, it's hard to feel it strongly when all the reminders of it are few and far between.

Culture and friends.

I still haven't been able to find a job, and sometimes I wonder now why I came back to Japan. I've had an insane amount of learning and interesting experiences, and if I hadn't come back I know I would've regretted it, so I know it was good to come back, but damn, what is happening right now? I seem to always be struggling to keep a grip on things. I really want to change the way I'm living, with my head neither here nor there, but I can't seem to grasp what I need to do.

(Ibrahim Ferrer)

Okay, let's go for this again

Okay, this is probably the fourth time I've re-written this post. I'm going to keep it short, in order to keep it from getting too negative - fast.

I sense myself going in a bad direction, ie. last December. But maybe this time, I will be aware enough to head it off using my experience from before. There are new factors involved in this time, though. We'll see what I can do.

In other news, though, I finished The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. It was awesome! It felt good to read a book again, and this one was just right up my alley. I'm inspired to turn my energies toward writing again.

Aaand, I'm going to end it there.

(Modest Mouse - Tundra/Desert - this song from 1:33 is exactly how I feel.)

Unless?...

Unless,...maybe I can put it in my Mexican hot chocolate when I make that? Not like that really needs anything, but it's worth an experimentation, I suppose...Man, this thing is really on my mind @_@ Haha.

Sorry, but...

Sorry if this is too much information, but the curse of that wretched cinnamon just came back to get me when I went pee right now.

Canela

Recently, I suddenly got the urge to drink some canela (I don't know why, but I like the way it looks in italics), so I was very excited in my search for cinnamon sticks at the market today. After mucho, mucho looking I was about to finally give up (toward the end I even thought there might be some hope in the "ethnic" (ohmygosh so problematic) Asian food aisle. "Hey," I thought, "maybe those Thai people use that stuff, too, I mean, you never know..." It wasn't there.). When suddenly I found it!

I was so excited I bought two packs! So I get back tonight, and you know, as things start to wind down, I decide to go make some canela to warm down the evening, and...






What the F is that?!









Serious! They call that a cinnamon stick?! That thing's not even as big as my middle finger! And what with all its curls nicely wrapped up into itself, how's any flavor going to find it's way off of this thing!? It's so hard! And thick! And unflaky! And the smell! Agh! It makes me almost gag just sniffing it! It smells like someone sprinkled cinnamon powder all over these things. Seriously, what can you do with cinnamon sticks like these?? Where's the mustiness? The subtle, almost-not sweetness (or even complete lack of sweetness!)? That woody, earthy taste? I don't want to drink a cake, for crying out loud.

Blegh. Well, anyways, I decided to give it a try. At ten minutes in, then's barely any brown in the water. At 15, the water's pretty brown, but tastes just like tap water. Let's see where we're at now.







Looks dubious.








Well, I'm going to give it a try. Will report back in the morning...

Ugh, I just tried it. It's going to take some real experimentation to make this work. I could've just boiled some tap water and sprinkled cinnamon powder in it for this...:'(

Oh well, back to The Brief Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao, so I can feel like I'm reading one of the spooky stories my family tells whenever they get together. :)

Buena

Dang, listening to Buena Vista Social Club kinda makes me want to learn to dance better. Sounds good.

International Day of Solidarity with Indigenous People

I wish I could be in L.A. for International Day of Solidarity with Indigenous People.

I like Venezuela's take on the day - Day of Indigenous Resistance.

I've actually been thinking a lot lately about the legacy of pain that Europeans' conquest of the globe has left for the hundreds of years up to now, and the way it is directly connected to the mire non-white people, particularly of the Americas, must tear themselves out of today. It's incredible, and incredibly sad. Yet, for some reason, it feels like right now there is some sort of hope.

These kinds of thoughts make me feel like I really should take my future in the direction of understanding how to contribute to doing away with the order of normalized racist atrocities we live in now and move us on toward a new, healthier, freer way of being. If now is the time, then what can I do?

It's Happened...

Oh no, it's happened. I've become a weird American.

People here always talk about how if they or their friends live outside of Japan for a long period of time, they become "weird Japanese" (変な日本人). I always have gone along with it, feeling like it was somehow connected to Japanese cultural centricism but not especially terrible or far-fetched (I just got a really strong urge to type, "Farfetch! Farfetch!"...and I did...). When people have asked me if I ever get told I'm a "weird American," I've always replied, "No," while thinking of how a lot of people in the U.S. and Japan probably don't even think of me as American at all on a daily basis. But I've always thought, "Could I even become a weird American? I mean, there are so many different types of people and sub-cultures in the U.S., and the U.S. doesn't really have a coherent culture anyways....."

But no, I am pretty sure I am now a "weird American."

In describing how I want to stay in my small town because it's a challenge to find a job here, rather than move to a big city where one would be easy to get, I used the word "masochistic."

Uh...okay, what? Japanese people use the masochist-sadist dichotomy to describe things as simple as aggressive and passive personalities, but...not native English-speakers. Needless to say that was a little weird, but I realized it as I was saying it and kind of...still said it, but maybe the other person picked up on the fact that I had just confused myself.

I think that is weird no matter what kind of American you are.

That plus:

Last time I offered to walk a woman back to her car after finishing a one-on-one English lesson after dark, I got a confused, yet polite, laugh = Japanese society is filled with less immediate physical danger everywhere and usually says that women are supposed to do things for men = no need for a walk back = I get culturally confused when going on actual dates with non-Japanese woman and make little boo-boos :(

I was in a rush to get out the door the other night and really had to get somewhere as soon as possible but I had to write a note to myself really quick so I got a piece of paper and...nicely, and slowly folded it so as to make a nice little square that I could gently tear off, write on it not to forget the milk, and place nicely on my kitchen counter. Then I was out the door.

I think it's time to put the brakes on this cultural infusion. If only just to took a look around my internal environment and get a better hold on things before continuing on, haha.

(The Dokuros, "Koi Wazura No Onna")

Rainwater

Oh my gosh, I got it. Rainwater Cassette Exchange by Deerhunter. SO GOOD.

The Dokuros

I can't explain how, but I feel like The Dokuros have been a huge influence on me.

Ever since I started listening to them, their music's just always felt like it was part of my life. Whenever I think of bands that've influenced my musical styling, they're always one of the first to pop into my mind. This, even though I myself can't really see much resemblence between the music I make and the music they made.

Maybe it was when I first bought one of their CDs about two and a half years ago that I started to open up to the wonders of pop music. When I first saw them live, their combination of weirdness with good, catchy rock hit me slowly, crept up as I watched them, sandwiched between the screaming noise groups I had come to see that night at U-La-La in Kyoto. I'm so glad that that first psychadelic duo wasn't selling any CDs, leading me to buy The Dokuros' just released third album on a good feeling. This may have been the beginning of the breakdown of my musical elitism, my movement from overwrought principles of creating "new" music to releasing music that feels good and right.

The Dokuros make music that just feels good. And for people who feel more at home with a lifestyle separated from the mainstream, it feels really good. But it doesn't feel to me like a crusade to progress; it's music that fits different parts of our lives, and brings people together. And if it blends genres, is psychadelic, and screams its head off at the same time, it's just the way they, and we, feel.



And man, listen to that singer's voice! I remember listening to that third album of theirs for the first time and thinking they had gotten a man to sing the first song - a very weird-sounding man. Then, as I listened to the rest of the album, I started thinking it had to be one of the coolest and most unique singing voices I'd ever heard! It's one of my musical dreams to be able to sing a mix of that style and my own.

There's also something about their style, their dress, in the way they carry themselves on-stage and off. For me, it feels if anything like the granting of a musician's dream (or them granting it for themselves). Starting the band as first-years in college, they've changed members a couple of times, gone through huge musical change, and continued up until somewhere in their thirties. And the attitude of it all is still so normal. Rather, almost because of all they've done it seems normal. Watching them, and talking to them, you feel like you're witnessing proof that some people do just make music for a living. And not "a living" as in making end's meet - I'm sure every member must be working a separate job to support themselves moneywise - but meaning in their free time, to fulfill themselves, they make music and feel so enlivened by it that they continue to do it for years and continuously give more creativity and life to a community of people over time. That is amazing.



I got to meet The Dokuros a few times since I first went to see one of their shows (and completely failed) after coming to Japan this time. If I saw them after their shows, sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was awkward, sometimes it was really funny. I ended up getting to know the drummer the most. We talked for a while after their last show, before the drummer and lead guitarist were to leave. Turns out she's traveled a lot. We talked about L.A. and Mexico. She said L.A. looked like it was made out of jewels and that she liked Mexicans because they're おおさっぱ,　ozappa, or don't stress about the details, completely different from the typical Japanese and also both positive and negative. Before I left that night I bought the last CD and record I didn't have by them and said bye to them together for the last time.

Since then, I've seen the lead singer/guitarist and bass player play a show as a duo, which was pretty good, especially since they played some of the new stuff The Dokuros had been working on as a band before they broke up. But, やっぱり, it wasn't the same, without the lead guitarist, and without the drummer - the whole mood and atmosphere was different. The lead singer's loud personality was no longer countered by the chill drummer's observing expressions, nor the cringingly shy lead guitarist's demeanor, and even though I hung around at the venue for a little while after the show, I didn't really talk to them that much.

Since then, I haven't gone to see The Dokuros, though I recently checked their site and saw that the singer and bassist are still playing shows as a duo act and are sometimes joined by the rest of the band from the halfway through the performance. I'd like to see them again. I've been out of the music loop for a while, and it might be good for me to get back into things and start saying hi to people again. I think it would be nice to say hey to The Dokuros again, and see where our talks go this time.

http://www.myspace.com/dokuros

Their myspace only has their most recent songs up, which, while good, don't give the listener a taste of their louder, more rockish side. If anyone would like I can send them those songs, too.

So, how have they influenced my life, musically and otherwise...I don't know. But I definitely feel it. I think sometimes, that if The Dokuros' influence suddenly started becoming apparent in the music I was making it would be a cool, exciting, and satisfying thing to notice. But, I think it might even be better if I never knew where it was coming from, nor to where it was going.

Frog

I just saw the most beautifully colored frog on the way back from getting ice cream tonight. I'm glad I went.

Mm

Haha, well, I meant that last post to be a self-deprecating joke more than anything else (you know how I love those), so I hope no one thought I was like depressed and cursing the day which bore me.

In other news, I have been making this a lot lately. With only one new kitchen item, my new stock of corn tortillas from home, I can make this, my POWER BREAKFAST!!
















And with a little more extra something I brought from home...SUPER SALSA POWER BREAKFAST!!
















Just bought a new fresh batch of eggs and potatoes last night, so these babies are going to be making their appearances very often now. Mmm. Nothing transforms some normal, everyday scrambled eggs like some good, fried tortilla strips. Ironically, since I started eating these, the situation described above and in the last post began to develop (or decompose?) into a more confusing state, so maybe these delicious meals have actually sucked my power rather than given it to me, like some sort of mouth-watering, digestible succubus. Worth it? Hmm...

Also, I just applied to a job as an officer worker at an international center in the nearby biggish town. It would be really cool if I could get it; the only thing is this is like an actual...Japanese job. I'm going to be competing with Japanese people for this job. Granted they'll be other college students and recent college grads, but that still kicks the difficulty level up quite a bit (Haha, when I first saw that, I thought, 'Oh well, that'll work to my advantage since I'm not straight out of college!' Next thought: 'Uh...you're still not much different.'). I sent in the application yesterday, but in one month I'm going to have to take two tests: an English exam (in Japanese), and a general education test...in Japanese! So, I better get studying for that last one. From what I've seen of books that help you prepare for those...it looks a wee bit challenging for a non-native Japanese speaker. We'll see, though. The pay isn't even that great, but the job looks really interesting and I need anything I can get.

Besides that, I've been doing private tutoring for the past 10 days or so at about 20 bucks an hour, one hour a day. That has been awesome! Basically like hanging out with a friend and helping her with English conversation and interview practice for an hour. If I could get enough people to be able to make a secure living off of that, well that would just be fine with me. I don't need a lot of money, just an interesting job and enough finances to keep me stable while allowing for some fun things. I suppose I'll get going on those fliers and cards now then!

A friend of mine who works at a nearby restaurant recently saw me writing in my journal while eating there and asked me about it - I realized: I write in my journal nearly every single day. I've been writing in a journal since I was a kid, and especially often since I got to college, and since I went to study abroad. Every once and a while I look back on an older journal and see what I was thinking. Haha. It's interesting. Before, I would often write with the idea of keeping a record of things. Since coming to Japan this time, I've written often to alleviate the loneliness of not having anyone to talk to (more around this time last year up until winter) and now to guide me through and help me think out the situations I find myself in. Writing in my journal has really become an anchor in my life. And I like it.

WellHAH(?!)

I now officially place my understanding of all things girl/woman at 0%.

Pixies, "Where Is My Mind?"

...What?

My head just got rocketed into the most confused state it has ever been in.

No Matter

No matter all the stuff you have on your mind, you can't help but be happy when you listen to Yo La Tengo.

So, so happy.