Haha Name

Haha, and now I call L.A. Los Angeles.

Eeh!

Get ready to leave my home of almost two years for Los Angeles tomorrow afternoon??...okaayyyy....!! Ah! I should ship back my internet modem pretty soon. I had a humongous, beautiful goodbye party last night, and man, I feel different. I've said goodbye to pretty much everyone who's been a part of my life for the past 21 months here, and I feel at peace in some ways, and then also like I want to go see all of them again and talk to them and keep meeting them every week or so often for the next however long like I've been doing up to now. I'm going to finish up this apartment cleaning and packing! Aaaaaahhhhh!!

Old Goodbyes

I wonder how people long ago used to say goodbye, before there was email, telephone, or even letter-writing. It must have been something amazing. Or maybe it was something very simple. In any case, it must have been so much different.

Nag-gan

My thoughts keep turning back to Nagoya. Perhaps, I am excited about that place on a subconscious level, or at least intrigued. It's like it's bubbling out of my inside a little bit every now and then. Perhaps that is the place I will spend significant time, next time I come to Japan. Though I love where I live now and will always keep coming back here.

I.Me

I am very different from the me from 2 years ago

W

Wow, I guess this really is real, isn't it?

Yeahh

Add gas utilities to that list :)

Mhm!

Helll yeah, I can cancel my own phone and electricity services over the phone in Japanese!

Oh man!!

Oh man!! I haven't listened to Rage in soo long!!

The sounds of my childhood...

Time Sense

At 7:00
ALT (Assistant Language Teacher) who took over for me after I left JET: Hey man, ready to go?
Me: Hey, sorry I just got a call from a friend who wants me to go over and pick something up from their place. It should probably take about 15 minutes or so...could we maybe push dinner back to 7...:25?
ALT: Haha, why not just 7:30? 7:25's such a specific time.
Me: Alright, cool then, 7:30.

At 7:10, over the phone
Me: Hey man, I just got finished so I can meet whenever you want.
ALT: Okay, you wanna leave now then to go pick up the other person who's coming?
Me: Hm, well maybe we should give her more time since we told her 7:30 earlier. Should I come down to your room about 7:25 then?
ALT: Uh...why don't we just meet in the parking lot at 7:30.

My sense of time has changed majorly from what it was two years ago.

Na

I went to Nagoya and it was really cool.

College

It's kind of a bummer, but mostly just weird, that I usually feel a little uncomfortable talking about college and grad school with most of my friends. I suddenly realize how uncommon it is for someone from my group of friends and family to continue school for years past adolescence. I suddenly feel different, like I stick out awkwardly from the people I love, even though there was nothing different between us only a moment ago. I feel a little spoiled for having the opportunity to go to college and even further on to graduate school if I want. I felt this for the first time in a while talking to some of my friends last night. I realized that most of the friends I've made in Japan, too, didn't go to college or quit high school after a year or two. Talking about leaving everyone and going back to the U.S. to go to graduate school makes me feel so separated from them, like a privileged child who takes for granted all the opportunity that's been laid right in front of me without me having to do anything. I know somewhere inside that it can be good to talk about college and education with loved ones who haven't pursued education that far, but it feels so arrogant. These aren't little kids you're trying to inspire to take their education as far as they can, they're grown adults who can shape their own lives by their own decisions. But maybe there are still some who want to try again, go back to school, and pursue a dream they have. Then, maybe it is right to talk about, or at least mention, my education and career goals non-awkwardly, just normally, and maybe one of my friends who's been thinking about that will find some inspiration in it. But really, who am I to think of myself as someone to give inspiration to others? Unless I am capable of doing it as any human is, as a gift from one human to another.

Studying

I might be studying soon! Yeah! Exciting!

~Image of a Star-Francisco Aguabella~

I

fell asleep listening to jazz and reading.

Wherever You Go

I'm really, really into this song today.



Damn, it's so good. Mmh!

Oh man movie

Oh man, I hope this is still playing when I get back to L.A.!

http://ny.remezcla.com/2010/latin/la-mission/

And way to have a new, tight version of Be Thankful For What You Got in the preview, right as I was getting into that song again, hehe.

Listening to the Doors, I Suddenly Thought in the Chorus to this Song, "Oh man, That's Me!"

So,

Okay! Okay? Okay?! ...Okay. ...Okay. ...O.kay... Okay? okay
Okay

Grateful and kind of happy

I only make it through hard things because of my friends and family.

Okay, time to be removed.

The Town I Live In Is Lonely

Not really, I just really like that song.

Listened to a Chicano oldies mix I made a long, long time ago last night and whoa, yeah, Chicano, that'ssss what I am...huh? Forgot some of the deeper emotions and feelings it brings out. That plus seeing an old car with a "Chicano" license plate on a friend's facebook profile. How can a big collection of metal do that? Of course, it's not just that...it's the memories and emotions associated with it, but now I'm just kind of putting out a bunch of thoughts and images from my mind in an attempt to make it into a blog post. I guess I could just forgo the blog post pretense and that would be better, though. Hm.

^
|
I

(Little Anthony & The Imperials ~ Tears On My Pillow)
(Thee Midniters ~ Everybody Needs Somebody to Love)

!

Holy sh*t, Lady Gaga totally rips off pachuca style at the end of the music video for Lovegame! Haha, why is my first response to seeing that kind of thing so defensive, when really it's not such a terrible thing? I'd like to get over that. What kind of dreams are caused by watching lots of Lady Gaga music videos in a row and then reading Murakami Haruki before going to bed?

Oh my Plesae Thank You

I went to bed at 6:30 this morning. I haven't done that kind of fun since probably high school.

I hope I can go to bed at a relatively early hour tonight, even though I woke up less than 7 hours ago. It's 9:40pm.

UPdate: the amount of clarity and gelling that's appearing in my head regarding what I want to do with the next few years/my education/my life is happy-fying.

Ooh, this is going to be fun.

Reading, and Writing

I just finished organizing and dating what turned out to be 15 journals I've written since the summer I came to Japan.














(I just noticed #1 has slid underneath #2, maybe because it's shy. After all, it's the oldest of the bunch.)

Wow. Feels good, and I'm not quite sure why, but I have an idea or few. This is the stuff of stories. This is the basis of a book (or many).

In other news, I'm on page 416 now in Murakami Haruki's "1Q84." I won't say anything about it, though I have some things going on in my mind. Almost time for Book 2! I want to order Book 3 before it comes out next month and I go back to LaLaLand.

Listening to some old Japanese music (as in I got it much earlier in my stay here). It's nice. I'm hungry. I think I'll go eat something.

Box es

Bought two boxes, and got four shipping lables (probably two in case I MESS UP or MAKE A MISTAKE), from the post office today.

I'm listening to Animal Collective's Sung Tongs again after a long, long time which involved me not listening to that album after seeing the music video for Leaf House against recently and remembering what an awesome song that is./I'm ready to go.

I'm feeling weird.

But/And that's okay.

Whoa

Whoa, it's going to be weird to not live in Japan

Time

Time to pull this thing into overdrive! It's time to get going!!

Man

I really appreciate all the things my friends are doing to try to keep me here, but, man, it's not making leaving any easier. I guess that's the point. Geez, I guess when people in this town decide they want to hold onto something/someone, they don't hold back!

Ahh

When I listen to William DeVaughn's Be Thankful For What You Got, I can clearly recall the feelings of riding in the backseat of the car with one of my parents driving and playing this song on a mix when I was little. I remember not really knowing what 'gangsta whitewalls' were, nor being able to understand quite what he was saying when he said, 'tv antennas in the back.' But I felt some joy when I heard him say, 'You may not have a car at all,' because I could understand that quite clearly and it brought the meaning of the rest of what he was saying but that I couldn't understand together. I still don't know what 'gangsta whitewalls' are, nor can I really pick up what he's saying when he says 'tv..enters..in the back' But man do I love this song.

I also remember that guitar, that unique guitar, when it comes in strongly and matches partially with the vocals, but at the same time is kind of off. I remember always being in awe of that guitar. It made my skin crawl and sent a sense of subtle irritation down me from head to toe because it was so strong and intrusive and didn't exactly fit what it seemed it was trying to fit. At the same time, it did fit, just right, and it raised the energy level of everything and made it sound prettier, too. I still get those feelings listening to the song today. I like that guitar, but I don't really like it. I anticipate its arrival with a sense of almost dread and excitement.

This song is my growing up. It is a part of my childhood so powerful that upon hearing it senses and memories flood back into the front of my consciousness. And you know, looking back at all these songs I was listening to as a child, it's not a wonder I turned out the way I did. Thanks Mom and Dad.

Here it is for your listening pleasure:

Brain

My brain is funny.

Holy

Holy shit, like reeealllly awesome.

Even though...

Even though Lady GaGa's music is way more aggressive and affronting than the laid-back rock of Iwamano Kiyoshiro which I'm listening to now. And therein lies (part of) the awesomeness

Gr

But every time I listen to her for a long time, all my other music seems so gratingly masculine.

Whoa

Oh my gosh, Lady GaGa is awesome! Soo, soo awesome!

Wow

Wow, I am like, really, looking forward to going back to L.A.

Not that I dislike where I am now.

It's just...wow, it's exciting.

I Love Cooking

I love cooking. Even when I'm having a "bad" day, cooking puts my mind at ease and satisfies my stomach and being. I'm thinking now, after cooking, that things can't be that bad.

William DeVaughn - Be Thankful For What You Got

Aagh

Agh, I hate Adobe Acrobat. Everytime I try to download a file and print it my computer always makes me use it, but when it opens, the file comes up blank and the program tells me it's looking for updates but can't find any so I should check my internet settings and firewall, and even when I turn my firewall OFF for a short while it still can't find updates and the file still comes out blank oh my gosh argh argh argh!

Whoa

Whoa, thunder just sounded outside.


I guess it will start raining now.




Oh, it happened again. And it's raining now.


I think it's going to rain a lot tonight.



Whoa! Lightning just flashed under the blanket pinned up in front of the big glass sliding doors in my room!


Again!

Haha Me

Haha, I just realized I'm one of those people I swore I'd never be so many years ago who takes 2, or even 3!, years off between college and whatever schooling's next. Let's hear it for shower revelations.

Walking Stars

I just read the last story in Walking Stars by Victor Villaseñor and it was awesome!

Just a Thought

I just had a thought.

Countries are a thing of the past. We have to be international people from now on.

(Nujabes ~ Ordinary Joe (Feat. Terry Callier))

I Can't Believe This

Japanese Hip-Hop producer Nujabes dies

I never saw this coming. Holy shit, this guy made such amazing, beautiful music, I can't even believe it. I can't believe he's no longer alive. And only at 36. Why did something like that have to happen?

After reading that, I thought, "Wow, I guess life really is short. It can end at any time. You really have to live, every second, every single moment of it, with all the feeling and love you can. You have to live every moment of your life as it if could end at any time. Because it can."

Sometimes, you just suddenly feel, very, very clearly, the truth that your life could disappear from you at any moment. You understand at a deep, primitive level the quickness and lack of any warning or signal with which your life could wisp away from your body before you even know it. You know truly, then, that you have no control. I felt all that very clearly when I found out that Nujabes had died in a car accident at 36.

I spent so much time listening to his album, Modal Soul, when I was in the depths of some kind of depression I couldn't even grasp in over a year ago's fall and winter. I can clearly recall the feelings of driving in that small, blue car down a dusky, thin, night road, going nowhere, just driving to let myself think, to leave the house that pushed down on me with an oppressive presence, just to get away. Listening to his music alone at night in that car, driving, I somehow was able to diffuse negative feelings into the air around me. Even remembering some parts of that album now pull at my insides, making me feel like crying a bit. I may have even been listening to him that night I pulled over on the side of the road and wanted to cry so badly but couldn't. Maybe that feeling is still somewhere in me. It was something I felt more than once on those drives.

I remember thinking his music was so beautiful and being moved by it when I first heard it. I still have those feelings, and ones like them, when I listen to his music today. I don't know if it "got me through a hard time," or if I just happened to be listening to it when I was going through harsh experiences, but his music penetrated deep into my soul, and it mixed with whatever was going on in it at that time. It's part of my soul's memory, history, now. I'll always feel connected to this album, and to Nujabes's music.

Rest in peace.

Taking ・ Listening

Taking pictures of things you own to put on a for sale flier while listening to Yo La Tengo (Season of the Shark) is strangely boring, yet slightly emotional and cathartic.

Thinking again,

I think the music of transitions may be the most interesting.
Or at least very interesting in its own unique way.

Trans-music: The transition from 20 months in the Japanese countryside to an uncertain Los Angeles is interesting

The soundtrack for this person's transition from 20 months in countryside Japan to open-future Los Angeles includes a lot of Japanese psychedelia (Jacks, Apryl Fool, Happy End, Asakawa Maki), U.S. Oldies (Smokey Robinson, The Matadors, Francisco Aguabella, Skip Mahoney & the Casuals), mariachi (Los Camperos, Vicente Fernández, Pedro Fernández, Javier Solís), and alternative Japanese rock (Friction, Iwamano Kiyoshiro).

Whoa.

Wow.

Newspaper #4?

Doorbell.
Walk over and answer.
"Sorry to trouble you! Good afternoon!" with a huge grin on his face, constantly, slowly bowing. "I'm here from Asahi Newspaper." looks at me longer, still bowing. "You don't read the newspaper, do you?"
"No, I don't."
"Sorry to trouble you!" and he leaves.

Atsureki

Oh my gosh, Friction is so cool. And the guitar riff for Cool Fool is sooo good.

According to different accounts I've heard, either the lead singer and bassist of the band, Reck, started it after returning to Japan from New York, where he had been playing No Wave, or as soon as the band formed they went to New York then came back to Japan after a year or two and got big in Japan. In any case, they are awesome.

Unfortunately, I can't find any really good videos for this song on the internet, but all you need really to do is listen, right??!



I'll throw this live video with not so great quality in just for good measure, too.



Oh yeah, this video's pretty cool, too, though the song is different (Crazy Dream). Here's a transcription for what they're talking about in the beginning:
"Are you guys punk?"
"Uh...we don't think of ourselves as punk."
"So what are you."
"Uh...'i don't know.'"



I can't get over how cool these guys are.

I've been listening to nothing but Japanese music lately, actually, mostly from the '60s-'80s. I noticed the other day that I'm getting a lot of inspiration to make some good Chicano/a and/or decolonizing music once I get back to the U.S.

At the end of the last video, the lead singer's talking about how he lives in Tokyo and how the city gives him energy. Then, I think for the most part he's talking about how Tokyo throws away a lot of energy, so the energy hasn't taken off yet, but that he's making that energy take off. (Haha, he uses the word "energy" a lot so it's kind of hard to not do so here, too). He says he's putting out full energy and that people who understand what he's talking about can do it, too. Then, "...Don't you think so?" Haha. I'm not sure what he says at the very end, but it sounds kind of like, "Are you not used to this?" It's so interesting to me how different, yet similar, the singer and other members of the band are when they're playing and when they're giving an interview. Anyways, really interesting stuff to think about and inspiring music.

DODDODO

DODDODO, awesome as always.

I've been listening to a lot of Japanese music lately.

Breakfast

There's always something comfortable about eating breakfast for dinner. It doesn't matter if it's pancakes, papas con huevos, or rice with natto and salmon. Mm, it's so good.

Everything

(Everything that's been happening lately is making me say) It's time to go back.

Really

Where is the beauty?

(Skip Mahoney & the Casuals ~ Wherever You Go)

Argh! Thoughts After Getting Upset

California Campus Sees Uneasy Race Relations

Ah! It's unacceptable that after reading this I thought, "Oh yeah, this is what college is like," as if remembering an essential part of upper education that I had forgotten exists. Even more, then I thought, "Do I really want to go back to school (and deal with all this again)?" which is terrible! Then, "And people wonder why so little minority students go through with upper education!" Not only do we have to deal with established economic inequalities; racism prominent in every aspect of our society; violence, drugs, and alcoholism right in our communities; and out-of-control, immune, violently aggressive white people; when we finally get to college, we have to study our best in the face of ignorant, privileged people telling us they don't want us there. It never ends.

Ugh.

Addendum

Also of note from that dinner:

H. Apparently wealthy, tall, pale. Talks often of having a Dutch mother. Steadily, openly dating 50-something-year old professor from past college. Interested in linguistics and philosophy.

She bought a rabbit half a year ago and found, over the course of some weeks, that it was unfriendly, not so cute, and bit nearly everyone who came in contact with it. This winter, she decided it wasn't worth it to take care of it anymore, took it up into the mountains, and left it by itself.


Why are these the people who have money, power, and authority? Why are these the people who are welcomed with open arms and longing gazes when they travel to other countries? I want to ask, "Why are these the people who don't have to work for anything," but upon quick reflection I realize that that is part of what makes them what they are. (By the way, the descriptive paragraphs for both H and M are just meant to be descriptions, not what I'm frustrated about). Irresponsibility and self-love are bred so rife in privileged circles. Why do they have to have things so easy? Why do I have to go through the trouble of speaking up whenever they say something racist believing it to be accepted truth (which it is to so many people)? Is this ever going to change?

Man

M. Slightly heavyset, curly hair. Talks often of being Jewish. Dating a Japanese boy.

"I was asked today by one of my students which one Americans eat more typically, bread or rice, and I, of course, answered, 'Bread.'"

Me, "Really? You think so?"

"Well, yeah. As a side dish, most people eat bread, not rice."

An "uh-huh" from the girl sitting next to her, a doubting mumble from the boy sitting next to me.

"But what about all the people who eat rice at home? I eat rice every day at home. There are lots of people from other countries who eat rice as a main part of a meal."

"Well, yeah, like from Asia. Those are all imported cultures. I'm talking about actual American food."

Further agreement from the girl to my left, further dismay from the guy to my right.

"Yeah, Asian, like Asian-American."

"Okay, if you go to a restaurant, what you normally get served like as an appetizer or a side dish is a bread basket or something like that."

The sounds of agreement and disagreement grow even louder, into pronounced, "yeah!"s and shocked, "what are you talking about?"s.

"What kind of restaurant are you talking about? At Mexican restaurants all the food comes with rice. Bread almost never comes with it. You're talking about European-American food."

"Ah! Nevermind, just forget it, let's change the subject."

The girl from the side adds, "Yeah, come on guys, she was looking for support here."

"What? Why should I support that?" the two guys respond.

Hanging her head and covering her face, M, "Ah, anyways, let's talk about something else."

"...but you were the one who brought it up."

M changes the topic to something else. The two-person quiet conversation tries its best to continue on. Then, from across the table, the older Japanese woman, who was in charge of the dinner and Japanese class we were all attending, asks, "But, it's different according to region, isn't it?"

Haha, laughter, a "hai!" from me and the guy next to me as the three of us begin to talk about Cuban food the teacher had in Florida once. M laughs with frustration and begins a new conversation with the other girl.


This person was hired by the government and is paid an enormous amount of money to teach the children of Japan.

Oh man!

Oh man, I just made the best meal I've made in a long time! That was so good! I was just possessed with a sudden, quickly growing urge to make a good late lunch-early dinner, and it turned out aawwesomely. Mm, saba (mackeral) with a quickly done katsuo (bonita)-base shitake soup, freshly grated daikon (white radish) with ponzu (um...) on top, and warmed up rice. Oh my gosh, that was so good. I am happy and satisfied. I'm happy to have what seems to be a natural instinct to survive that makes me get really interested in cooking when I don't have a lot of money.

I wrote some character lists and story outlines today at the mall for one of the stories I'm thinking about. That's when the urge to eat/cook hit me! And I also saw one of my old elementary school students who was in 4th grade, I think, when I taught him. He was with his Mom when he turned around on the escalator, saw me, and instantly started smiling really widely and waving energetically! I did the same!

I've got an invitation to go to someone in town's house for dinner tonight, and though I'm pretty filled up, I have very little doubt I'll be able to eat a whole other full meal. Mmm :)

PaNTs

Holy moley, these pants are comfortable, and they were only 490 yen! I'm going to buy one or two more pairs tomorrow!

Bought

I bought a pair of black, corduroy pants today. I've been needing a new pair of pants for a while. So this is good. I also bought this:













It's a blanket, rolled up.

And holy moley, I'm listening to the CD I made of all my own material a few months ago, and, man, it is intense. If you want to know what depression and angst sound like, there are a couple of tracks you can listen to for that. Not that there aren't happy and peaceful songs on it, nor that the intense songs are purely sorrowful without any other feelings mixed in. It's quite a complex pastel color palette of emotions.

I

It's weird when you realize that the time you spend speaking (and even more so, speaking to other people) definitely makes up the minority of the time in your day. Talking to people feels something like a special occasion to me now.

Well, I've got my soy milk and green tea and cream pastry and am ready to write.

(lonesome pilot ~ young blossom street)

I was surprised I still really like this album

In the Backseat is the best song on Funeral.

Ooh!

Okay, I've got until September 2011 to finish reading the first two volumes of Murakami Haruki's 1Q84 before the English translation comes out! And maybe a little more time after that until the English translation for the not-yet-released third volume comes out.

Actually, after reading that long Muri and then the short Kinosaki Ni Te, written in 1917 Japanese, going through Murakami's book has been pretty easy. Especially since I've taken the approach of just looking up words when I need to, instead of making a vocabulary notebook along the way. So, I finished the second chapter, which I was on before I stopped, reading about 16 pages in two days, so I think I should be able to do this much sooner than September 2011.

Also, I've been getting more and more inspiration to write my own books. I have two in mind, now. Neat.

*Teasi - Sando (album)*

P.S. Harry Gamboa Jr. just released a book called "Rider" that sounds really, really interesting and I want to read it, but I kept my self-discipline and didn't order it over to Japan because it's going to be expensive to ship back to the U.S. and I don't want to interrupt my Murakami reading anymore anyways.

:)

Short Story

Oh my gosh, Shiga Naoya's Kinosaki Ni Te was really awesome, even though I didn't really understand the ending.

oh Beer

People keep asking me if I drink at home and then are surprised to hear that I don't drink at least one beer to relax before going to bed, so I thought I'd give it a try, but I just keep getting headaches in the morning.

Hm

Uh, why are there so many things I want to do, RIGHT NOW??

Kinosaki ni te

Oh my gosh, I'm reading Shiga Naoya and it's awweesome!

Quotes

Quotes from old men who look after me

"Mexicans are really smart. Do you know why? Because they're relatively pure-blooded. Koreans are smart, right? Chinese are smart, right? Blacks are smart, Japanese are smart. It's because they're blood isn't mixed. When you start mixing blood, things get weird."

"The quality of Japanese people has gone down since the end of the war. There aren't very many good people in Japan anymore. There were a lot before the war, but now, there are very few good Japanese people."

"Japanese people are becoming stupider and stupider. They barely even read books anymore, and just read manga all the time now, even full-grown adults."

"Japanese are different than they used to be before the war. Just last week, a 2nd year middle school boy was almost killed by three 3rd year boys. They just started beating him up, and luckily someone came by and saved him. Everybody watches variety shows that just make fun of people, anyone who's heavyset, or small, or old. Kids watch these shows and come to school and just make fun of each other and put each other down. In Osaka, you hear about young people beating up and killing homeless people all the time. The Japanese have become a people who pick on those who are weaker than them."

"You know how young Japanese people all dye their hair brown now? It's because they wish they could be like Westerners."

"Mexican women are really beautiful. You know why? It's because they're all mixed-blood. People with mixed-blood are really good-looking."

"As a Japanese, it really makes you feel good to hear that someone decided to study Japanese not because they saw some anime and thought the girls in it were cute or something, but because they thought the language itself was beautiful."

"The thing about Japanese is that if one person starts doing something, everybody else will start doing it too, until the whole country is doing it. It's part of the way we are. There have been good cases of it, Japan took in a lot of good ideas from other countries that way, but there are also bad cases. Young women only started dying their hair brown and trying to look more Western about ten years ago. Before then, no one was doing that. But all it takes is for it to become popular with one small group of people and everyone else who sees them will think they should do it, too. That's why so many people in Japan dye their hair."

"Whenever I hear him speak English, it sounds so cool to me."
"That's because that's how Japanese have been raised to think since the war. That's MacArthur's doing."

"The girls here are close to what women used to be like in Japan."

"It might be bad for me to tell you after you've come all this way and studied Japanese so much, but you should study Chinese. The future is in China. Japan's just going to continue going downhill from here. Economically, that is. Culturally, it'll keep cultivating itself - that's what happens in harsh economic times."

"I'm looking forward to seeing where you go from here."

Me

Music keeps flowing out of me, and I had a very busy week. It was amazing.

Isn't It Crazy?

Isn't it crazy that I am listening to the new album by a Japanese experimental music group from Nagoya which I know of only because I met the original bassist in Bolivia two and a half years ago while I was doing college research and while she was taking a break from her band and life in Japan and traveling around Latin America?

oh

Oh man, Sparks is awesome.

Old People/Life

Old people are going to f'ing change my life!

Oh My!

Oh my! I've been out of the cooking game for too long! I forgot how fun and delicious it is! My return started with some salmon a few days ago. I felt simultaneous regret for willingly cooking meat for the fourth time and getting used to it, but at the same time excitement to try cooking fish for the first time (not including shrimp)! That was good, and I enjoyed two delicious rice and salmon breakfasts. I think the meat might have already been cooked or something though, cuz I pretty much just cooked it on the frying pan and it changed color without really changing consistency or going from semi-translucent to not. Tonight, though, I bought some definitely raw flatfish from the Tuesday super sale at the market! I put some onions and carrots in the frying pan cuz that's what I had around, slapped that fish on, and made the perfect mixture of shoyu (soy sauce), mirin (sweet cooking alcohol?), and dashi (Japanese stock) (by eye!!) in which to cook it all. I was a little taken back by how quickly the fish fell apart and I eventually gave up on keeping it in steak form. In the end, though, I got a delicious, fluffy combination of flatfish, carrots, and onions on a steaming bed of white rice with mixed in grains. Mmm, I scarfed that dinner down so fast. And it cost almost nothing! The fish was probably about 2 dollars, the carrots in bought a couple days ago for five for a dollar, and the onions, geez, I've had those for forever, haha. This boost in cooking at home comes from me not feeling like I have enough money to allow me luxuries like going out for dinner every night anymore, PLUS my new resolve to get out across this country while I'm still here and go see the place I've been longing to explore for a long time: Nagoya! I've got to save that money if I'm gonna make the most out of my trip there. We'll see what I can do! Here I come, future adventures in cooking and city-traveling!

Vacation

I suppose one way of looking at my lack of a real job is "forced vacation." And up to now, I've been forgetting the vacation part. I'm not going to get a job, but I will have a good month or two to do lots of interesting things. It's time to more fully enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Hey There Lonely Girl

Man, I teared up at the end of this. This song and the way he performs it is just so incredible. This is from only about two years ago, too! Eddie Holman sounds incredible, so perfect, so right on! And I love the way the song wraps itself up and then opens itself back up again for an even more emotional crescendo and finish! I think it's so cool, too, how Eddie Holman, when he finishes hitting that last high note, thanks whatever god or spirit has allowed him to channel that amazing energy into that heavenly sound. Oh man. This has got to be one of the greatest songs ever.

Wow!

Whoa! My reissued bill is here! That was really fast! I only asked for it yesterday!

Smiled

Today, I continued my streak of being able to wake up early and got up at 8, two hours before my alarm was to go off! I made breakfast, cleaned up around the apartment, got dressed, and started with the things I had planned on doing since the night before. I went to go pay my water bill at the gas station next door, owned by the landlord of my apartment and recently under renovations which include the addition of a car wash! Then, I went to the bank and withdrew some money, mailed a postcard off, and got to the bus stop 14 minutes ahead of time to wait for the bus that would take me to my next destination...

Himeji! Yes, I was off to the nearby town, the nearest place you might actually call a "big city," to look at books! I had had the craving to surround myself with lots of interesting, cheap books and look through them thoroughly one at a time for the past week and it was about time I got out of my little town, so I was off! I fell asleep about halfway through the ride, then woke up when we were almost at the end. I got off at the second to last stop, because it leaves you off not at the train station but right in front of a huge 100 yen shop that connects to a massive used bookstore! I went straight inside, and headed right to the rows and rows of books and just dove right in.

I spent a pretty good amount of time there and boy was I happy I had come. There was a special deal going on for all the books that were re-priced at 100 yen (which was about half of them) which lowered their price to 50 yen at one and 100 yen for three! I was so excited, I felt like a little child a little bit. I also felt like a huge nerd because I was walking fast all over the whole store seeing if I could find any other 100 yen books. But I also felt like a thrifty nerd, because I thought of how fun it would be to play a game in which I try to get the best three books possible for only 100 yen.

Looking around, I had a chance encounter with my past when I noticed a lot of books by an author named Yamada Amy. Most of the books seemed like they had to do with her relationship with African-Americans. I looked her up in my phone (technology can be useful sometimes) and found out that she's a celebrated Japanese writer who feels really connected to African-American culture and writes a lot about it. Then, I remembered that I had read about her when I was writing my thesis senior year of college. The author of the article I was citing had used her work as evidence of the prevalent, condescending attitude in Japan toward blacks, calling Yamada's books more akin to racist pornography than the bold, taboo-defying work it was said to be. Looking at the titles of some of her books, such as Animal Logic and Make Me Sick, I could see what the author had meant. Nevertheless, if she's such a prominent writer in Japan today, and the books are already used and only 100 yen, I figured I would do well to find out what her work was like for myself. Plus, one of her most celebrated novels, like much of her work, isn't about African-Americans at all, but the youth in modern Japan, so I bought that one, too. Alright, I was set with two books, After-School Music and Bedtime Eyes.

The third book was a little harder to find - once I started actually looking for names, I lost momentum - but I ended up going with the only Oe Kenzaburo book in the store, Until the Savior is Punched: The Burning Tree, Part 1. This one didn't feel as good as the first two, mainly because it looked way harder to read taking into account the length and the complex, abstract, psychological topics Oe usually deals with. But I wanted to get a work of his, so I went with it. Maybe I'll read it one day. On my last search around the store, I found a little book called I Worked as an Office Lady for Ten Years, which looked like really interesting and funny light reading, so I got that, too. Yeah! Four books for 150 yen! That's $1.67 for all you U.S. people out there. Very nice!

I left the bookstore in a good mood, checking the 100 yen shop on the way out to see if they had any take-fumi (little pads you can step on to massage your feet and improve your circulation), but they didn't. So, I headed on down to the station, picking up a delicious and huge chicken sandwich for pretty cheap from a Brazilian food cart on the way. I had recently been inspired by a friend of mine who listens to language tapes whenever he drives and is constantly studying languages. I found, when I went for a ride with him, that I could understand his Chinese and Russian instructional tapes, even though they were based in Japanese, and got excited to try getting some tapes of my own to listen to while I'm doing other things. The bookstore at the station, bigger than the last one and only dealing in new items, had a few for the languages I was interested in (Korean and Filipino), but they were really expensive and not worth the money. While I was there, I also searched for anything else that would be good in my study of Japanese, but didn't find much. I left the store with nothing, but still had a hard time getting out, as I do often with bookstores - there's just so much to see.

After that, I went to a store called Mujirushi Ryouhin (or Muji, for short), which sells clothing and household goods store and was right below. I needed some pants. I found some great black levis, too, which then turned out to be a little over 4,000 yen, which was waayy over my price range, so nothing came of that. I found a cool long-sleeved shirt that was striped green and gray, but the neck was too low. I left and went to the underground shopping mall.

I decided I need a break right then and there!, so I went to a little bakery/cafe place where I got a yomogi-red bean bun and brought it to the register.

"That'll be 140 yen," said the girl at the register.
"Oh, and I'll have an iced milk, too, please," I added. I called the item by the name I've usually heard it called in these kinds of bakery/cafes, "aisu miruku." As I was finishing speaking, the girl, looking down, motioned up to the LCD screen where the price was written in green numbers. I paused for a second.
"An iced milk?" I asked again. She looked up. Her eyes were wide and she looked very confused.
"Um, do you have iced milk?" I tried again. She looked at me blankly. "Gyunyu?" I used the Japanese word for just milk this time. I laughed a little bit and smiled to ease her what seemed like combination of fear and anxiousness.
"Uhh...all the items we have are written here," the girl motioned geometric-softly up to her right, where there was a chalkboard with drinks written on them. She seemed at a total loss for what to do.
I looked up at the chalkboard, hoping I wasn't going to have to explain what an iced milk was, and found it second from the top: aisu miruku, iced milk. I pointed up and asked,
"Iced milk?"
She looked up and back down, looking even more bewildered than before. Her senpai, or older, employee had been standing next to her since the confusion began, and to her the girl said hesitantly,
"Iced milk?"
The older girl looked down and nodded, biting her lips. A smile was coming out of the corners.
"Okay!" the younger girl said. She snapped back into action, ringing up the order, and the older employee went to the back, called out,
"Iced milk!"
and began to prepare the drink. It was all ready before I even found a place to sit down. I relaxed, snacked on my meal, and looked over my new books excitedly, as the girls talked and laughed loudly behind me. They seemed to be the only employees working at the time, and it looked like they got along well. They both instantly seemed a lot younger as soon they were talking at ease amongst themselves.

After that, I went up a flight of stairs and outside to look for another used bookstore I had seen before on my trips to Himeji but never gone in. I hadn't been able to find it earlier today, but this time I went a little bit further and found it in a little alley! This place was amazing! From the entrance to the skinny staircase that led from the sidewalk up and across every single wall in the small little room, everything was lined with books! I got really excited in this place, too. I was moved all over the place, exclaiming to myself at all the neat books they had (the owner had moved downstairs to the next-door cafe he runs once I got up, leaving the place to only me!). I even found such familiar items as Condorito comic books, works on Nihilism (translated) (There was also a full Nietzsche set in German!), and a Rainbow Fish book! This place was beautiful, and I stayed in there just reveling in it for probably an hour at least. In one corner of the room, I found a beautiful big volume of a book on Latin America with lots of photographs and information for only 100 yen (marked down from 300)! I was tempted to buy it, but figured I didn't really need it, it would be cool if a Japanese person came in and found it and had their interest sparked by it (or something like that), and put it back. After a while another guy came in, and I, also thinking of how I'd been missed buses consecutively in order to stay longer in the store, left after a little bit.

Afterward, I went into the cafe next door and accidentally kicked over the owners wooden "We're Open" sign, which called him out of the cafe and prompted a "Sorry!" out of me. I went in and ordered a coffee. It was a little much, but I reasoned I was paying for the environment and that the money was going in a good direction. The cafe was in a similar state as the shop, lined completely on one wall with bookshelves that leaned like they were ready to fall over onto you but you knew (or figured) they wouldn't. I like that, the way some portions of bookshelves in used bookstores like this look like they're ready to tumble over, while others look as securely and immovably stuck in place as possible. I found out about a photography show that was going to be held in a gallery upstairs above the cafe next week, then I left.

I walked down a ways to a restaurant I like to go to when I'm out in the city and can find it. I ordered a salt-grilled sanma (pike or saury, a type of fish) set meal from the machine, but it gave me a ticket for curry rice. I didn't notice until it was too late, but upon thinking about it a bit I figured I would only bring it up if it was more expensive than what I had originally wanted (a flashing feeling to my life in the U.S.). It was about 200 yen cheaper, so I went with it. A blessing (or hint) from the heavens. I missed the bus I had been planning on taking so I could relax and eat, so after finishing dinner I went back to the first bookstore, which is also attached to a movie and music shop, and hung around for a while there. I was looking for "The Good, the Bad, and the Weird," that movie recently made in Korea, but I couldn't find it. I decided I wasn't going to miss another bus to keep looking so I booked it on down the main street, got and out of the bus station and to the bus one minute before it was set to leave. Good timing.

Entering the bus, the only seat open was the long one in the back, where a high school girl was sitting all the way to the right. I sat all the way to the left. On the way back, I hummed to myself, as I often do on these long bus rides back from the city, confident and comforted in knowing that my vocal vibrations would be drowned out to all others by the sounds of the bus's engines. Somewhere between 20 and 30 minutes into the ride, I fell asleep pretty hard, and then woke up 10 minutes before arrival. I felt nice and rested, but still tired and in that good groggy state. It had been a good day.

Calling to request a new phone bill

After telling the operator on the other end my name, she asks,
"Gonin sama desuka?" (五人様ですか？ Are there five of you?)
I, not really understanding what she said nor why she would ask if there was five of us, but reasoning that she might think it's the family who lived here before me (it'd happened before with phone companies), say,
"Iya, hitori desu kedo..." (いや、一人ですけど・・・ No, there's just one of me...)
Suddenly a burst of natural, high-pitched laughter comes from the other end of the line,
"Iya, iya, sore janakute, honnin-sama desuka?" (いやいや、それじゃなくて、本人様ですか？ No, no, no, is this the customer speaking right now?)
OH! Hahahahaha! The burst turns into a flow of laughter as any of the nervousness or tenseness from me having a little bit of trouble ordering a replacement bill over the phone in Japanese melts away. We laugh together for quite a long, loud while. I feel like the two of us have achieved something very special and rare in (this) society - between two strangers, a sudden, instant sharing of an intimate experience, akin to that of two good friends. I tell her that yes, it is me, I am the customer. Hahaha, we keep laughing throughout the whole rest of the conversation to the very end. That was a unique feeling of connection with someone I don't even know, never saw face-to-face, and will most likely never meet again. Hahaha!

Medicine

For some reason, I thought the kanpou (Chinese-style medicine) store nearby my house would be relatively inexpensive. It was not. Still, I got to consult with someone in a relaxed, private atmosphere without having to make an appointment, and I now I get to try out some new types of medicine I've never had before! I suppose there's no real point in going to the clinic down the block now, but maybe I'll give it a try and compare results.

LA

I want to read and I want to go to Latin America again. I'll save the latter for later, though (unless you count L.A.).

Wait Until Dark

Whoa, I just saw Wait Until Dark! That was awesome! The chauvinism was a little distracting but still, that movie had me going! Some of the images from that movie are going to stay stuck burned into my mind for a long time, I think. Very cool, I'm very glad I saw that. Good movie.

Modern People

People need to stop saying "modern" when they really mean Western and convenient.

Today was a good day. I made good money, had a good, fun English lesson, and spoke with my mentor.

Well ~ Tough

Well, if there's any good side to what I've been thinking of recently, it's that we are one tough people.

ooh

Ooh, okay now.

Ah Articulation

I articulated a feeling tonight which has an uncannily haunting presence in my life:
No matter what I do to contribute to the world being a better place, no matter how far we come beyond our colonial past and existence, no matter what, I will never be able to escape the painful, terrible history of colonialism, because I am a part of it. It is a part of me. I am a product of it.
This is pain at a level I have never experienced until I articulated it tonight.
I will have to get over this at sometime; I actually thought I had gotten over it already. Perhaps renewed interest in the subject brought renewed self-reflection and perception into these feelings. This might mean I'm going to have to deal with this in different ways across my whole life. I really wish I would not have to, though.
I wonder, though - why do I feel so drawn toward learning more about this? It captures my passion and interest so much, along with a desire to do something good for mankind, but at the same time, in certain moments it can fill and paralyze me with despair.
What are we supposed to do, as a human race?

Westerns

(possible spoilers?)

Man, some of the Italian Westerns are pretty interesting to watch, and have some pretty good music, but damn the monumental racism just takes away from the experience so much. Extreme masculinity and white supremacy are such strong themes throughout some of these movies that it just waters down any cinematic grip the film has on you. I thought The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly was bad, but man, For a Few Dollars More is just terrible. Every time I see a white guy in brown-face, which is a lot of times, it just kills the mood of the movie completely, and this time they even featured a "Chinese" guy for a moment. Nothing gets across the horrible, damaging feel of the movie across more clearly than the good old boy dialogue at the very end of the movie, right before Clint Eastwood goes driving off with a truckload of dead Mexicans. Man, I can honestly say I did not enjoy watching that movie, no matter how genius white fanboys claim it must be. Someone really needs to redo this genre. Way of the Gun may be the closest thing to a good Western-style movie that I can actually enjoy. And to think how much of U.S. culture and world views of the U.S. have been shaped by this movie phenomenon (interesting that it originates from outside the U.S. - does that point the way toward other possibilities?). A lot of work needs to be done.

Edit: Now that I think about it, Robert Rodriguez did do some good stuff that reshaped the genre to a degree.

One Way of Looking at Me/These Are All Songs I Like A Lot

My most-listened to songs:

ゆらゆら帝国～恋がしたい
Roy Orbison~Come Back to My Love
The Chiffons~I Have a Boyfriend
Roy Orbison~Blue Angel
Brenton Wood~Gimme Little Sign
Mariachi Los Camperos~La Malagueña
The Teen Kings~A True Love Goodbye
The Supremes~Stop! In the Name of Love
Deerhunter~Intro~Microcastle
Erik Satie~Trois Gnossiennes
Best Coast~The Sun Was High (So Was I)
Ibrahim Ferrer~Cienfuegos Tiene Su Guaguanco
Roy Orbison~Working For The Man
Violeta Parra~Run Run Se Fue Pal Norte
into more Deerhunter, Erik Satie, Violeta Parra, Roy Orbison, Ricky Nelson, Grizzly Bear (La Duchess Anne, in case you were wondering, such a good song!), and lastly me!

wow

I've been living in Japan for a year and eight months. I've lived in Japan for two years and two months including study abroad only about three years ago. Remember when the biggest thing to worry about was that this study abroad program started all the way in July?

(Bros - Panda Bear)

whoa

whoa, i've been drinking and just thought to myself about going home, "いいですよ、楽しいときはあるから、絶対、海外に行っても," which means, "It's okay, there'll be lots of fun times for you to have, even if you go abroad." Weeeirrrdddd..

(autumn sweater - i shot andy warhol - yo la tengo)

Interesting

It's interesting, I've been thinking lately that I want to travel. Then, I realize that I don't feel like I'm traveling anymore, and I haven't felt that way for a long time.

Me

I'm getting better at listening to what other people have to tell me while still holding onto my opinion. This is a good skill and will develop into one even greater in time, I think.

El Chicano

I remember my Dad requesting Sabor A Mi from a trio in a restaurant when my family and I were in Mexico sometime recently. It was good. Really good.

(El Chicano - Sabor A Mi)

What happened

What happened today? I woke up this fine Sunday morning at 8:30 all excited to start the day early; I ate breakfast, read some of the Japanese book I'm on now, then took a nap and woke up at 1!! Damn, well there goes that plan.

Anyways, had a big thinking breakthrough last night. I'm in a good place, I feel.

I'm going to start limiting my language studies to just 15 minutes in hopes of being able to do them every day. Here we gooo!

(Angel Baby - Rosie & the Originals - is this band Chicana/o or not? I can't figure it out.)

I feel

I feel like these kinds of decisions I'm having to make are way beyond the tiny little mind, spirit, and bank of experiences I've got at this point. But since I've put myself here, I'll just have to push that spirit as far as it needs to go to make up for the lack of mind and experience, which I can't expand so instantly and at will right now, and make a decision. I could keep waiting for greater feelings of conclusion, which I don't think would be a bad thing, but it also feels like the time to decide is coming up pretty soon.

(European Jazz Trio - Best of Standards)

Wow-I mean-

Wow, this song my friend and I just made is awesome. I hate to be full of myself (ourselves?), if that's what I just did. But I'm so into it!!

Does

Does a near-obsession with the problems of (people in) the U.S. and a desire to contribute something to fixing them suddenly rising up in me indicate that I should be coming back to home/it all? I mean, this is possibly getting up to like high school levels of caring and wanting to do things for others and a better change. My state of mind is like I'm in the U.S. I just looked out my window and suddenly thought about what I was going to do the rest of the day and got a bit of a shock at remembering I'm in Japan.

Whoa

'People's History' author Howard Zinn dies at 87

Whoa.

I think his is an inspiring story. I read it right when I'm trying to figure out if I really want to go to graduate school.

Whoa

Whoa, I have definitely lost weight over the past few months. Time to eat more, I s'pose.

Thoughts on a New Change

Something changed culturally in the '60s and '70s.

Something needs to change now. There needs to be a cultural change.

We can't bring the change in the same way people did in the '60s and '70s.

We have to make a new way to change.

Our change can't be based on the desire-driven movement of people without a strong cultural foundation. It has to be new, but it has to be based on tradition. It has to resurrect and reinforce, and it has to create, tradition.

Hm

The Town I Live in ~ Thee Midniters

Oh my gosh, why does it have to be so hard to decide whether to stay in or move away from a place? Right when I think I've figured it out completely, something comes along to make my decision seem even more correct, then it pulls out, and now I don't know anymore, and whenever I go out with people who've become good friends with me I want to stay here for as long as I can, and whenever I'm not hanging out with those people I'm bored and thinking, and thinking, and thinking, about all the possibilities awaiting at home and all the amazing experiences I could be making here at my new home from here on out, and not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing.

There seems to be no thought process.

I had a couple of beers.

Listening to Brenton Wood, on GoogleChat

me: you got too much soul
Dan: i'm a soulhog
i'm the white ppl of souls
souls being
whatever white ppl have a lot of
me: nothing
HAH!
like how i turned that one around??
huh, do ya??!
yeyeaahh, decolonization here we come.
Dan: OHHHHH
SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
P

Smile

Oh my gosh, Smile is a crazy, crazy show. Just when you think things couldn't get any more depressing, they do, to a level that is just barely within reason. Yeah, it's got it's problems for a Japanese t.v. show about a Filipino-Japanese main character, but what media commentary on race is perfect? I've seen a lot of things in the show so far that actually stand out to me as pretty cool. And it says a lot about contemporary Japanese society, I think. I've been pretty much just analyzing it the whole time, in between bouts of yelling, "What the f*ck!?" and feeling like crying. (That Media Studies type in me coming out again...and then the part of me that made me quit Media Studies back in college - the thought, 'wait, if i want to study this, that means i have to watch allll the t.v. shows going on right now...' Although this show actually made me feel like I could get past that.). All in all, though, I think it's a good show. I mean, I just watched 6 hour-long episodes in a row. During my "refreshing session," the shower I was going to use to get ready for bed and rally myself to finish the last five episodes, I decided to save the rest for tomorrow or another day, partially because it would almost be disappointing to finish it now, haha. Ah. I haven't done this in a while. And to think, when I started off, all I wanted was some aural Japanese practice.

EE

Just finished listening to Delinquent Habits' first album and am now onto Deftones' White Pony. Uh oh, it looks like a "hardcore Chicano" day, haha.

Ah!

I just got back from walking around Osaka University from 10am this morning until 5pm in the evening, the day before which I went to Kobe University, did the same thing, stood for four and a half hours at a show that night, and stayed over in Kobe so I could leave for Osaka this morning. My feet are TIRED! I AM TIRED! And I realized what an unfamiliar and welcome feeling it is. I feel so good! Going through those colleges reminded me of a LOT of different things and reinspired a lot of different emotions and feelings in me that I haven't felt in a very long time, or never before at all. Every day really is a blessing and a miracle!

Guitar

Sometimes, my guitar sounds like an apple. Like (you're biting into) a crispy apple.

Wow, Music

Sometimes I'm amazed at the directions my music takes me. How did I get from the Orlons to Junior Walker and the All Stars to Rick James to Janet Jackson?
(I mean, at least the middle two have songs that are reminiscent of my childhood, but...)

kasuppa

They're three students at Kobe University who met two and a half years earlier through a school club.

I saw them play last night, bought their CD, and talked to the drummer.

. . . Oh . . . ?

Oh yeah, we are divided in ourselves already. If we do it in another way...?

And...what if I focused on local decolonization? Now that I think about it...that's where this whole train of thought started in me in the first place...

We

They are separate. We can divide ourselves.

I think I've hit on something!

!

The history of the "inside-outside" mentality in Japanese culture and society and how it has acted as an agent of cultural preservation against cultural imperialism, how it has allowed for a somewhat balanced relationship between taking in new ideas and protecting indigenous culture.
how it is reflected in art and music and pop culture and consumerism
"making oneself 'cool'"

(what my spur-of-the-moment research notes look like)

(these videos are what inspired me:





display a uniquely Japanese aesthetic while embracing Western rock and taking part in new explorations of music, art, and technical engineering?)

Fourth Newspaper Salesman in Two Months

*Doorbell chime* *Knock knock knock!* *Doorbell chime* "Hello!?" *Knock knock knock!*
(I open door)

"Oh! You're a foreigner!"
Short, bald, snapping turtle-looking man in a khaki overcoat.
"...Oh, yeah..."
"Oh, well then you can't read Japanese can you."
"Uh...no, I can't."
"You don't get the newspaper, right?"
"Oh, no...the newspaper people already came before..."
"Oh. Where are you from? Brazil?"
"Uh, America."
"Oh, America?! Wow, but you can't read Japanese, can you?"
"Uh, well...I can read Japanese, but..."(stupid pride, I knew I shouldn't have said that)
He leaned his face closer and his body more into the doorway.
"Oh, so then, one of your parents must be Japanese, right? Your mother or father?"
"Oh, I'm Mexican-American."
"Oh, really? Well, okay. You still don't want a newspaper? They're cheap!"
"Oh no, that's okay, thank you, I'm probably fine."
"Okay then, 'I'm sorry' (in English), thank you, goodbye."
He leaned over behind the other side of my door to get his bag and I closed the door.

Idea!

I'm going to make a documentary!

The Jaynettes - Sally, Go 'Round the Roses

This song is creepy. Especially since the file I have for it skips a little after the middle.

Geez

By the end of World War II, "an estimated 1 million Filipinos had been killed, a large proportion during the final months of the war, and Manila was extensively damaged." This seems like a story that needs to be told.

History

I've been thinking about my ancestral history more and more these past few months. I've always wanted to learn about traditional Mexican medicine, but now that urge has gotten stronger, along with an interest in older, Indigenous medicine. Learning Nahuatl's become a reoccurring thought. Why has it been on my mind so much lately whether I look more Spanish or Indigenous? I've been thinking thoughts like, if the Aztec civilization had continued on its own path, as those of China and Japan have been able to do, what would it be like today? Today, I really felt, for the first time in a while, that almost helpless "It's not fair." Thinking in the context of all the world's history, the mass murder and death the Europeans inflicted, and continue to inflict, on the people of the "Americas" must be one of the most terrible things to ever occur.

And I am the embodiment of it.

Where is the happiness? Or rather, where does it come from? Because it is definitely still there, within me. My soul is here, as boundless as it was hundreds of years ago, as it is with all of us, even if my customs are tainted with colonizing impositions, inflicted over half of a century. Victor Villaseñor writes about the "power of any people who are put down: Yellow, Red, Black, White or Brown. They will rise up a thousand times more powerful, just like weeds breaking through the asphault. Nothing can stop the human spirit, especially when it's aware of its own power." Surely, this is true. People have overcome and provided for themselves in amazing ways. Sometimes, though, I can't see how it's enough. We have so much to do. Where is the strength to do that going to come from?

Baby I'm Yours

Can we please do a souped-up, crazy-overdriven-bass-and-off-kilter-but-oh-so-right-on beat, super long version of Barbara Lewis's "Baby I'm Yours" with a noise solo?

Damn

Damn, Chubby Checker's "The Twist" is crazy. Listen to those trashy-smashy drums! And those vocals, background and lead. And the stops. And starts!

It seems like a mighty long time...

Whenever I hear those repeated words in Barbara Lewis's "Hello Stranger" I think about how long it's been since I've been home. Since I've really lived at home.

Research

I am uncomfortable with the number of professors of Japanese and Latin American history at UCLA that are white males.

That being said, I'd love to raid this guy's music and film collection:
William’s research interests in cultural and intellectual history and critical theory developed into a dissertation project on the cultural politics of avant-garde art and performance in 1960s Japan. Based at the University of Tokyo during 1996 and 1997, with grants from the Japan Foundation and the Japan Cultural Arts Foundation, he researched these evolving, interrelated forms of art, music, Butoh dance, photography, drama, and performance, and their relation to political contestation since the end of WWII in Japan.

Oh yeah

This is what I was thinking of first.
I remember when I was first learning about the "Age of Imperialism" (like it ever stopped) in school and thinking that it must have been scary at that time because everyone was trying to grab land and take over different countries and even if you didn't want to you almost had to to keep up with everyone else and not get taken over yourself. Now, I am capable of understanding there is the possibility of protecting yourself without being forced to attack others. Maybe Japan's leaders from the late 1800s on did not.
Was World War II the horrible stage in which Westerners made it clear that only they had the "right" to colonize other people, which they continued to (try to) do from then on?
Did Japan not develop its appreciation (?) for its own culture and history until recently, after being defeated in war they had preceded with massive disposal of old culture for a flashy new Western life? Or had it been there since before?

And is there something that Western nations, such as the U.S., fear still in this retention of non-Westernized identity?

(Not) Random Thoughts

Random dates I remember are 1868 - The Meiji Restoration begins in Japan, 1914 - The Mexican Revolution begins (incorrect- it was actually 1910), September 11, 1973 - The U.S.-backed military coup takes power from democratically elected Chilean president Salvador Allende beginning a period of terror and repression that lasted at least until 1990. There was another one, and I think it had to do with Mexico, but I forgot it.

Art Farmer's "Soul Eyes" is good.

It's time to start deciding things and taking action again.

I am now reading three books simultaneously. Their titles translated into English are Impossible, Let's Learn More about Korea, and On Monday I Steal the Earth.

I'm a tiger, and you might be, too!

Uh.

I put the wrong birthday on my facebook account a long time ago because I didn't like the idea of having my real one on the internet, and now I regularly get birthday wishes on a wrong birthday. I'm not purposely trying to trick people, but I never see this day coming (why would i? it's not my birthday or anything) and it would be awkward to put on my facebook that that's not my real birthday now. Oh my, what a predicament.