It's been a long, time...

Hey, last post was post 47, how about that!?

Now, I have had a lot of experiences since we last spoke. The koto performance was good. It was not at all what I was expecting, particularly in terms of the human emotions involved. I was surprised from the very start when the lead player and teacher messed up on her solo that introduces the entire song; throughout the entire performance nobody seemed entirely on top of their game, although we definitely did not sound bad. It was strange to find myself nearly tearing up almost as soon as I began playing, and I'm not sure quite why. I was a little nervous and at the same time very excited to put all the work I'd been doing into a performance for people to hear. As I played and thought upon this, the main thing I just kept coming back to was that I was just so full of emotion, of energy, and it was coming out through all different parts of me - my fingers, my wrists, my movements, and my eyes.

Afterwards, we put our kotos away and had lunch. In the traditional Japanese style room, which almost all community centers and schools have for things like tea ceremony and other more traditional Japanese cultural practices, we talked about the performance. The teacher spoke of how well we played, but how it was hard to hear ourselves from the stage (which was true), and the general feeling was...it just was. We enjoyed our bento lunch from Lawson convenience store and laughed and joked and spoke about ourselves and each other.

Some time after that, I ran into some of the members again and they invited me to have tea with them. We went to the section where they were holding tea ceremony in the lobby and took our seats. There we were served by some of the elementary school girls that I teach. It was cool to see them in a setting of cultural seriousness; they had practiced this ceremony I don't even know how many days after school, probably at their parents forceful urging, and now they were serving other members of their community, their elders and teachers, through a tradition that has been passed across ages and has remained, or become, a regular part of festivals and events across Japan. Also, it was a cool experience for me because it was the first time I've participated in tea ceremony as just a customer, someone going in to enjoy some tea and dessert with acquaitances, rather than a student abroad or a foreigner being invited into and led through a cultural experience. I think it was my third time doing it and I had a rough idea of how it all went down. (Tea ceremony is anything but just going in and drinking some tea. It's basically a whole routine you going through, or act out, as you enjoy the food and tea, which involves considering the people with whom you're drinking and complementing the maker/server by taking in and commenting on the tea cup's design, the dry tea container, and lots of other things.) So, I felt pretty at ease the entire time and could just enjoy taking in the whole scene and the company of the people all around me.

And that wasn't even what I signed on to tell you about. Haha, oh man, there is just so much going on.

The day after I mused upon the possibility of snow, the temperature dropped another 6 degrees to 42F and I was surprised the feel of snow bouncing off my shoulder onto my cheek. That day, we had light snow a couple of times, but it was incredible to me, and I responded in a way some might expect of someone who had never before seen falling snow. I smiled widely, looked up, and said, "Amazing!"

The next day, the temperature dropped another 6 degrees to 38 and I got a feeling of how this town was going to head into winter: nose-diving down a craggy creak. I'm actually really excited about it though and would never think of complaining. (Don't hold me to that). But, really, I just find myself thinking sometimes how cool it is that I get to learn how to live in a whole new environment, without any real risk to my person. I don't really have to worry about getting seriously sick or dying, and through this experience, I will gain the ability to thrive in a new kind of setting, against a whole new set of challenges. I find myself thinking more of, and praying for, people who deal with this type of situation every year, without the shelter of a home, blankets, or concrete plans for the future.

I've been enjoying devising new and resourceful ways to keep my room warm, my favorite so far being hanging a big, thick blanket over the two sliding doors behind my bed's headpost in hopes of keeping the warmth my body generates in my tiny space, rather than seeping through the thin slats of wood and paper behind me. Plus, it looks really cool and kind of trippy.















My first real change in the look of my house to fit my tastes.

So with two new scarves, two new beanies, five blanket on top of me, one blanket underneat me, one blanket behind (?) me, and plastic bubble wrap sealing my bedroom and kitchen windows tight (although the tape is regularly assaulted by the cold moisture that seeps through the wooden window frame and, uh, the wall itself...), I head into the oblivion.

I have been making some sweet soups lately, the latest (repetitive?) of which had an awesome combination of chili peppers and yuzu (something like a little Japanese lemon that has an awesome scent way cooler and stronger than the generic lemon). Basically, I've been experimenting with different ways to stew potatoes (oh my gosh I love them so much), bell peppers (the latest batch I bought was all different splotches of ripeness in red, green, and yellow), daikon, cabbage, konyaku (delicious Japanese...-ness, I really don't know what it's made out of...some kind of vegetable extract?), carrots, and now mochi (it makes the whole concoction a lot thicker). I've used both konbu and "Japanese" soup stock now to great results and am casually thinking of what kind of delicious combination into which to delve next.

I also made oden, one of my favorite Japanese foods, a while ago. It was really good, but I think it would be better without so much broth, and maybe if I cut down on the amount, variation, or size of the things I put it in. Still, it was nice.

In other news, I've been on the move musically. Not necessarilly through different kinds; mostly just through the same albums over and over again, Microcastle and Weird Era Cont. Deerhunter is definitely the main band defining my life, or experiences (if those two are different...?), at the moment, and I've been getting a lot of good, undercover ideas, or influence, from them. I wish I could see them the 25th in L.A. I'm pretty sure it would be one of the best shows of my life, hah.

I've also been getting back into some good Chicano oldies, like WAR and Thee Midniters. I love the feeling of getting into my Chicano oldies. It just feels...good, haha. It's cultural pride, love for my gente, passion for la raza, childhood memories, good beats, and awesome energy through the music into my ears and pumped through my heart. It flows in my veins and stimulates my mind. It feels like a family gathering, a birthday, grandmas, aunties, children slipping down blow-up water slides, green grass and brown benches, brown skin, and light skin, and opening a little bit of your presents when it turns 12 o'clock on Christmas morning. I suppose it's my family that I love most of all - the people who live with me in the same house, the ones who live in the cities 20 minutes down the 210 and 60, and the ones I meet for the first time hanging out with my cousin, going to see a show with my sister, or marching in a demonstration. Damn, it's good to be Chicano.

I've got a lot more to say about that, so you can just look forward to that in the near future. Circulating through my brain's space are ideas about being Chicano in Japan, looking more into my own history, and some new ideas about what I want to do. Hint: they now include studying keyboard instruments in France, finding out just how I want to make myself helpful to people in the world, and the idea that if I really do have a natural tendency toward creative expression I should pursue it and delve into what I may be good at. So it seems thinking of my future draws some things into clarity and expands others into pure whim. Cool. I like that.

It's going to be cold soon.

48 degrees at 10:49 at night in my room. According to the girl who owns the cafe it's already snowing in certain parts of Haga, and the one of the English teachers said it may begin snowing around the school as early as tomorrow.

I bought two beanies and scarves today.

My koto performance went pretty well. It was a cool experience. Now, if anybody in town didn't know me before, they most definitely know me now (and have probably come up to me and asked if I was in the koto performance on Sunday and told me it was good). Neato.

I have to buy snow tires. Probably.

*Oh yeah, and considering the average temperature around here dropped like 5 to 10 degrees in one night exactly on Autumn Equinox Day, I have no idea what to expect. Or, I do have an idea of what to expect but don't want to think about it. At least I'm not in South Korea! Although I'm probably headed that way weather-wise within two weeks or so.

Whatever I'm visiting a day-care today and am going to play with more day-care kids tomorrow.

I am really getting into Weird Era now, the album that comes with Deerhunter's Microcastles. I haven't been this into a band in a long time. They are like the band of my summer and fall,...and winter? Probably. Why must they do their album-release tour now?!? Because they just released their album I suppose. Bad timing, truly. OH WELL, I will continue to listen to their music in an obsessive trance. I'm really into Backspace Century right now.

Mmm

I had planned on practicing koto for an hour if I could and just finished practicing it for about two hours right now. This Sunday is going to be awesome. It doesn't even hurt to pick those soft notes with my ring finger really anymore; I've just got this hard little bump on there instead. I'm glad; I've actually been able to practice pretty regularly, almost every day for the past few days, excluding two (or maybe three). In any case, I'm happy I was able to commit some regular time to learning this piece and devote a good hour to hour and a half for five or so days over the past week or so. It really is amazing how much it helps to practice everyday. The piece just comes right back to you from the day before so much more easily and with such familiarity. I've been getting to know the instrument so well, which is what I've really been wanting to do. It wasn't even very hard to get myself motivated and into regular practice. I just did and from there on I was in routine. It makes me feel like I can get into this instrument and the musical world of which it is a part.

I'm looking forward to playing some guitar again, after the performance is over. I was really getting into a musical gear with it before I focused on the koto. Life is wonderful.

Random, or, Cold Dokuros

When I got into bed last night it was 51.8 degrees Fahrenheit. I could see my breath in front of my face with every exhalation. When I woke up this morning I checked the thermometer only to find that it was 49 degrees Fahrenheit!! What the heck?! This morning I felt so crotchety, shuffling my way around the kitchen, sipping down my burning hot miso soup just to feel some warmth, it took my morning class with the kindergartners across town to warm up my heart.

And warm it up they did. We had a fun class that covered Dia de los muertos (extremely hard to convey to little kids without a simultaneous translation; I just aimed to make some kind of impression on them with pictures), Thanksgiving, different kinds of foods followed by FOOD BINGO!! (in which they colored in every picture of the food instead of just circling it, that made it a lot more fun), hiding and finding different food cards (The mushroom is under the chair...go!), and topped off with the wonderful tradition of drawing a turkey from your hand outline. Then we had snack time, during which I got to talk to the two teachers about Dia de los muertos. They were really curious about it and its similarities with the Japanese holidary of Obon. Then we all played hide and seek! That school is becoming one of my favorites. The class is only 5 kids so I get to know them a lot better and better every time I go over there. Oh yeah and I read The Very Hungry Caterpillar to this one boy during recess. It was like...the highlight of my life. Or at least my life since one of my elementary schools loaned me the book to read in case my lesson ended early. I have such good memories of having this book read to me when I was a child, I just love it. So that was nice.

It's kind of warm right now and I hope it stays that way. I double-bubble wrapped my bedroom windows two nights ago (bubble to bubble!), which led to a slightly more tolerable, although not overly noticeable, temperature difference that night, but seemed ineffective last night. I am going to have to keep planning my next measure on the front against the cold. Two days ago it was sooo cold at work. I didn't even feel cold in any way I could call familiar. It completely overode my skin and was just...a sharp or numb feeling around my bones.

Yeah.

I used to love winter. I have a feeling I'm going to be in for quite an experience once I find snow on my front step. Oh well! I can only become tougher!

A group of the most "masculine" (i.e. loud and disruptive) 3rd year (9th grade) boys hanging out in front of school today asked me if I had a "love girl." The follow-up question was "Have you ever...love love girl?" They were laughing so I figured it was fine to laugh at them, too. Actually, they apparently meant had I ever had a girlfriend. After school is fun.

For the past couple of classes with the first years, the English teacher has just been going around checking every person's notebook to see if they've completed all the exercises for the past...oh, four months or so, so that we can move onto the next section. So, I've gotten to do the mandatory, "Good morning. How are you? What is the date today? What is the weather like? Is anyone absent? Let's say it together," then I had no job for the remainder of class. Which is actually the situation fairly often only this time the teacher wasn't even trying to give a lesson, so I had free reign to talk to the kids and get to know them a little bit. They are actually quite fun and likeable when they're not in a real class setting. So that was nice today.

The new Dokuros album is awesome.

Uff

Oh man, I just watched 28 Weeks Later and am depressed and frightened.

Zombie movies are awesome, but I always finish them shaken up. Really though, 28 Weeks Later and 28 Days Later are like pieces of art - the cinematography, the music, the motifs; the makers just put it all together in a way that makes me feel like I am beholding art. I think that is partly what gave me this familiar feeling when I watched both of them, the sensation of watching a vivid nightmare unfold before and around me.

The scary thing about 28 Days/Weeks Later is that humans created the disease themselves through science. There are so many plausible scenarios in which humans could create a highly destructive and unstoppable disease through their own scientific means. That's what makes thinking even scarier after watching a movie like that.

I was told today that Michael Crichton died last week of cancer, which he'd had for a while. Man, that's really sad. I grew up reading his books and really can't even comprehend the world without his presence. Cancer.

Also found out a JET for my city died three years ago in a car accident coming back from the city. I am affected heavily by reminders of life's mortality. It all makes me think a lot, and really feel a bit paranoid.

Tonight I will be doing a lot of thinking and asking questions. It usually takes me a while to ride through these sort of things, but I suppose it's important to think about them. Maybe not so much, but perhaps people learn how to deal with, consider these things the more we live.

Brushing our Teeth

There's something weird about brushing your teeth when you look at yourself doing it up close. You're moving an actually pretty big stick around your mouth with surprising force while it makes an odd scratching sound that comes echoing from your gaping maw. And white foam spews out. You can feel it. And this is supposed to make our mouths clean.

What about our minds?

The Doors really get me.

I just realized the reason behind why bands have a lead singer. A person designated solely to sing, to flip out, to unleash something. I've thought about this before, but it's never hit me like now. Do bands do that sort of thing now? I want to do that.

Man

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=5zesUGSFsjk
Watching this I thought, "Man, it's time for some real music again."

Yes! (with a Door's quote)

Yes! I just practiced koto for about two hours straight! It was awesome! I went in having a basic idea of most of the song and now can play almost the whole thing pretty decently sounding and it's starting to sink into my muscle and normal memory. I am really happy and thankful that I was able to have such a good session today. I felt like playing more and more but figured I was at a good place to stop.

I even started getting my very first koto blister! I have never used my ring finger before to pluck out those softer notes as much as I do for this song, and it actually hurts a bit. Haha, I lightly dread those parts when I see them coming, but they are so beautiful the sound overcomes the pain. Actually, my guitar blisters started coming back too when I started playing my classical and the steel string left in the house by someone before me (?) music in which I moved my left hand around more, and before I started focusing on this koto piece. I feel like I have gotten into a musical mode, or a version of me that is more in touch with a certain part of my creativity. I like it. A lot.

Also, I started listening to Black Moon yesterday. Awesome.

Also, I'm excited by Obama being president in a way I can't remember ever being about something political. Maybe there is something more personal here. (What happens with the flip-side of the personal being political happens and the political is personal?...?) Watching his acceptance speech really moved me to excitement and optimism in a way that felt completely new to me. Ever since 6th grade, when I first started to become aware of politics, it's always been something to be cynical about, to get involved in to fight against a larger, evil power. Well, I'm sure things are still like that in a way, and it's good to always be aware, but watching Obama's acceptance speech, I felt something like pure optimisim, excitement and hope for what we, people who want to help, could do in the near and far future. I'm still really happy about things. After I finished watching his speech, I thought, hey, if I can live this way in my relationship to politics, I could live this way in my everyday life. How would that work? Just thinking about the positives in life, acknowleding the amazing things that are happening all around me and to me every moment I live. An idea I've been toying with in my mind for a while, but it really came to a new level of fomentation that night. I'm happy and thankful that Obama being the next president has, if anything, done that for me, and possibly changed for the better, in some subtle or basic way, how people think.

There are so many things going on that I have meant to tell you about but just never make the time to. Since at least a month ago up to now, I've just not uploaded or written about all the things I really want to tell you about, but I'll tell you now, they include: subverting through creative lesson planning the hegemonic notion in Japan that all English-speaking foreigners are white (that was fun, worked more on a subconscious level, but hey so does hegemony), the adventure of me having two kotos in my house now, and the terribleness of having a mukade crawl down the front of my shirt while I study Japanese. I can't wait to tell you in person when we meet again.

Oh yeah, I also talked to one of the English teachers at the middle school today. He saw me studying kanji and we started talking about Japanese and English proficiency tests. I've been getting a little antsy about taking the test the first week of December, even though I originally signed up just to motivate myself into a cool study schedule and see how I do. I don't know why. I'm behind the schedule (and re-schedule) I made for myself, but am still pretty sure I'll finish all my books and have time to review. I guess I just really want to do well? I don't know. In any case, I talked to my English teacher today and he said he had never taken an English or Japanese test before, which was pretty surprising to me because a) I thought as a professional English teacher he would have had to take the national English exam and place high and b) he's really knowledgeable about the roots and history of the English language and able to speak it far better than most Japanese people I have known. He said, "If you take the practice tests, you can pretty much gage where you're at on your own." That really hit me, especially because I had never even had any interest in taking this test before I got the idea in my head after I arrive here. It was a kind of comination between, "I'm here in Japan, now's probably the best time to take it, and I've got a pretty good amount of experience now, so it'd be cool to see where I am" and "Well, I passed the second level practice test, what's the point of taking the real thing and getting something I know I can do already, I'll just go for the top and if I don't get it oh well!" Actually, I don't regret signing up for it, though. I've learned SO MUCH so far. The day after the elections, I bought five copies of the largest Japanese newspapers, to have some history to look at in the years to come (oh my gosh I'm a history dork okay, but my whole family thinks that kind of stuff is cool!), and today, while I looked over one of the front pages, two of the kanji made up a word I had just learned how to read the week before, and two others made up a word I had just learned two days ago! ...I had to go back in the book and look up how to read the last one again but still! it was cool. So yeah, you get the drift. After the test, I suppose I'll still look at the books ever once and a while, and if I don't pass the test and take it again next summer I s'pose I'll be studying in a schedule again, too. That's one of the main reasons I bought them, to have a massive storage of pretty much the highest level Japanese they test for and that I can look at any time in the future. I just love the idea of having all this knowledge at my fingertips to look at.

Languages. I've been holding onto a better semblence of English this time, I'm assuming because I'm teaching it and speaking it almost every day compared to two and a half years ago when I was completely immersed in the language and culture 24 hours a day, in class, at home,...everywhere. I've also been able to keep my Spanish accent and understanding at a pretty good level, better than last time I was here, that's for sure. Besides the Daily Show, La Opinion's online articles provided me with up to date info on the election, a look into how a newspaper of its type covers the sort of phenomenon that has been taking place, and, most importantly, some good sharpening (or at least anti-dulling) of my Spanish. I'm excited to take on that language and realize more and more how much easier it should be than Japanese. Chinese, Korean, and French also keep floating through my mind. Assuming it takes two years of regular studying and a half-year of studying in the language's country to develop some kind of proficiency to communicate...hmmm....

That plus all the other things I want to do: music, law, medicine, history, all while keeping a good excercise routine...is this what being young is about - wanting to do everything all right now? Haha, I feel kind of like I did at the end of high school when I knew I was going to work for Human Rights Watch after I majored in political science in college. Or when I thought I could become fluent in Spanish and Japanese by the time I graduated. Now I question what "fluent" even means let alone its importance. Or maybe like when I first went to Japan, all the things that were going through my mind that I couldn't wait to find out about and experience. It's kind of like those times...but different. This time...I really want to do everything, haha. And every thing takes a huge amount of time and devotion to do the way I want to do it. I wonder if as I start to do the one of which I'm most sure, or sure I can start the best, the others will fall by the wayside and I'll realize something about my true calling, or something like that. But...I don't want to let all the other things go. Oh. Well, I suppose I'll just take things one step at a time. Take it easy baby. Take it as it comes. Don't move too fast, if you want your love to last.

Oh you've been moving much too
fast.

dry! or Tips and Tricks

So now you're at that part where you really want your clothes to be dry so you can wear them to bed and not freeze. They're still damp, so you have to figure out what to do.
Hint! Put them under the kotatsu with you while you study and read! It'll get them not only dry but also warm over the course of the entire evening! Now you're ready to move onto the next stage and attack those masses of elementary school students the next day with a full night of warm sleep!

Oh, I miss video games. And video game magazines. And reading video game magazine articles over and over again even when I didn't have the games they were about. Oh, strategy guides were a good read, too, even if I didn't have the game but my friend did (Banjo Kazooie). I never play them anymore because I'd rather do other things than put the amount of commitment and consistent play the good ones require, butttttt...maybe I should try out a cool-looking one or one I've been wanting to play (not Banjo Kazooie) for a long time. After I learn this koto piece. Which is getting cooler and cooler the more I get used to it.

still

Still, it makes a pretty good and tasty meal. It's pretty cool that one can have dinner from a convenience mart here two nights in a row and not pass out from sodium overload. Way to go onigiri and mini shrimp tendon. That's "tendon" as in the meal of rice with shrimp tempura on it, not...oh...ew.

busy

You know you're really starting to get busy
when you eat out of the konbini two nights in a row.

Oh man

Oh man, and Ain't Nobody's Business If I Do. Cool.

I'm also excited because I was missing some books in English and then randomly found a Mark Twain and Albert Camus book (not a co-authorship; that would be an awesome joined force of nature and twist of the space-time continuum) in the room I never go in because it smells like kerosene. I was looking for tools though. And I found them, in a cabinet-type thing in the doorway to the house. Not in the room. But I was glad I went in there. I wrenched up those screws on the kotatsu legs until they were good and sturdy. Not like before.

warm

Today I vacuumed my living room and was reminded of mowing a lawn, lining up all the mower tracks. I missed mowing the lawn. Hah, this happens to me sometimes when I'm not at home, though when I am at home, I don't mow the lawn as often as I should. Yet when I do, I really enjoy it.

With the room nice and vacuumed, I set up my kotatsu. Oh yes. For those who don't know what one is, it's basically a table with a fan on the bottom that puts out warm air, which is kept in an air socket under the table by long, thick, flowing comforters which fit in the table. Yes, it's amazing. Basically one of Japan's greatest inventions ever, if it was invented here as I thought. Pretty much all the JETs've been setting there's up, so I may be the last one, but last Halloween's movie-candy marathon spent completely under the kotatsu with four other people was...awesome. Plus, I realized I study kanji best when I can write directly on a table, rather than on my lap in bed, so voilah, another reason to set it up. A provider of a flat surface on which to study and the warmth that surrounds my legs while I do it. Speaking of which, I just finished the politics/international relations and disaster/crime sections of my kanji book. Five more sections to go and I'm done. Hurrah.

I'm listening to Billie Holliday now, gift of my sister. This is really nice. The stuff she's singing about and the way she's singing about it must have been so on the edge for the time. Flat out saying she wants a man to make love to her, and saying she's been a slave to her man, all set to a jazz band/orchestra background. Man, this is great. What a voice.

What a choice. I ate the last of my grapefruit today. It was good. I want to eat a ruby one though. It would be nice to have people I really know well close enough to able to be visit them with a phone call and a short drive. Or a bus ride, for that matter. "Short" being the key. Well, I'll keep listening to this music. It's really good.

Cleaning Day

Today, I woke up with a nagging stomach which served as a reminder to me throughout the day: I am not a candy-eater. Even as a child, after Trick-or-Treating, my sister and I would come home and check our candy, eat a few pieces with my parents, and save almost the entire haul from the night for later. Which meant we never ate nearly any of it and it just went bad, hah. We just weren't raised eating a lot of sweet foods and candies, so I don't really go it now. Which is why, when I scarfed down I don't even know how many chips and chocolates last night that some of the JETs had bought for our Halloween movie night, I felt fine and happy then, then oo and ouf today. And with no Sprite or 7-Up in the fridge...??

At any rate, I didn't let some little tantrum thrown by my stomach get me down! I practiced koto, hung my blankets and sheets to air out, and did two loads of laundry! I actually was a little reluctant to do much cleaning and organizing the house today, but by nightfall, just about half an hour ago, I had cleaned up my kitchen, including the rice steam goo brown stuff that had collected in the ridges of the rice cooker, cleaned the living room off any stuff (and I mean like really...there is nothing in my living room now except like a couch and a table), and made my room cozier. I also finally made that big empty room I usually just hang my laundry up in with a big table that I also just put laundry on my music room, and now a koto lays majestically across it's length.

Well, it's time to take a shower and start my day. Tonight.