O

Oh, hello there. It's been a while since I've seen you in these parts. Oh, I suppose it's been a while since I've been here, too, but hey now, you know, we're both here, in this same spot, the same place, let's see what we've got in our face.

I wake up in the morning and there is dew on my blankets. The papers on my desk are damp and the wooden window frame sweats cold, fat beads.

Originally, I thought I would put some cardboard between my window panes and the double layer of bubble wrap I had attached (bubble to bubble!) to it. Then, I thought that that home improvement store might have insulation for sale too, and wouldn't that be cool if I could look up what "insulation" is in Japanese on my cell phone dictionary, and I did and then typed what I thought the kanji reading was into the phone's Japanese-English translator and it came out as "insulation." Yes, I thought, how cool! My Japanese is highly functional at an everyday level.

I went in and asked where the "dannetsuzai," kanji meaning "interrupt" "heat" "materials" (smile), were and I bought a cardboard box plus. Later that evening...
















there was some cutting and taping and rearranging of fiberglass packaging and, oh, I suppose that yes, I should have put on my gloves before pushing that fiberglass around, but oh I had thought, "Oh, I'll just get it done, rwfle rfle rfle, I've worked with this stuff before and it didn't hurt that much, OW!"

But, after some gloved hands movement...
















Cut the box in half, cut the box in half.
Sandwich!
















Slit. Slip.
















Voila, a warmth panel.
















Journal Entry #454: Completed another insulation panel last night. Loath to go outside in the cold, I sprayed the completed piece with water resister in the indoor doorway (known here as a genkan). This was revealed to be a poor choice, as I consequently incurred a headache and had to go outside to get fresh air and leave one of the house's windows open all night anyways to air out the domicile. Upon returning to residence after my occupational duties were finished today, I installed the secondary panel (see Depiction 3). As is visible, this panel is much larger and will fit its window home - frame, that is, more snugly, than, the previous, version.















Depiction 3 (By the way, yes I now live my life in first-person shooter point of view.)

In my excitement upon installing, I have activated the previous resident's electric heater. I eagerly await seeing how much heat will be kept inside my quarters tonight. Perhaps, some guitar playing will be in order tonight to celebrate.

LIARS' DRUM'S NOT DEAD OH MY GOSH YOU ARE SO GOOD DUHN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUHN DUHN.

I found a delicious mushroom called maitake that I put in my soup all the time now. I've been making lots of oden, working on my recipe and getting that just right taste. I realized that even though I love that maitake, when I put it in it changes the taste completely so I can't really call the finished meal oden, but it sure is delicious. I'm thinking of going down to basics again and using a thin, more subtle base next and relying more on the flavors of the ingredients mixing in the soup. In perfect timing, one of the English teachers recommended out of the blue I put shimeji, maitake, and shiitake (all mushrooms) into a soup and only use a little soy sauce and hon dashi (Japanese soup stock?) and maybe some salt because it would be delicious. The most important thing, though, he said, was just putting a whole bunch of mushrooms in there. Haha. I'd actually been thinking of making a maitake soup since it's smell and taste are strong enough to make a soup on its own. So, I think that'll be the next cooking project. Mmm.

Also, I have come more to terms with the fact that my job affords me a whole lot of free time and not a whole lot of satisfaction, and have begun using my time at work productively and enjoyably. This means: printing out Spanish articles, going through them, highlighting phrases and words I don't know or that look useful, looking up everything I don't know, and reading it again so that I understand it, at least mostly. I also realized it had been a long time since my Dad told me how a toilet works, so I looked up that and how to fix some common toilet problems. I also now know how a car engine works and oh man, now I can see how some people can get so into cars. The engine is such a cool thing! You really have to appreciate the awesomeness of the car engine to get into cars I guess. Then you understand all the different ways you can tweak and modify it to change the way the car performs and all that kind of stuff. So now I know what it really means to "turbocharge" a car!

Also, I bought myself a new toy after taking the Japanese test. A digital voice recorder and a stereo microphone attachment. I bought the cheapest one that could be attached to a computer, and although I indulged a little with the separate microphone to get better sound quality, the recorder's really just meant for meetings and classes and the like. I've used it a few times though, and it records beautifully. Just the sound I was going for. I've been playing really regularly and can feel myself getting more in touch with my self, my sense, and my guitar. All of that's me in some sense, I feel. My jams last about an hour to an hour and a half now and are full of more and more awesome parts in which I can just really feel my emotions and something deep inside me. Or not even that. Just...feel it.

I'm getting a little tired and I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight. I went to bed a little late last night and the night before. Today was awesome. I taught kindergarteners. Right now, my favorite grades to teach/play with are kindergarten, 1st, and 2nd. Oh yeah, I was going to try to make some cookies tonight. I'll have to wake up a little bit. Time to get moving.

Time to get grooving.

I just dented my spoon up pretty bad hitting eighth notes out of it on a tea kettle lid for a really long time. I better wipe that off and make sure I don't get any metal shavings in my next batch of tea.
But I just made the most INSANE, crazy song I've ever made possibly. Since I got here in Japan, I've just been getting more and more expressive with my vocal cords and any other ways of expressing my psyche. I suspect influence from the amazing things I've seen in Osaka when people get in touch with themselves and just go absolutely crazy. This is insane.
Literally, I just recorded myself over a guitar track, then a rhythm track that raised the energy and craziness a little by giving the thing some beat. Then I basically recorded myself going crazy to the rhythm. Over. And over and over again. And then I was crying out and flipping out to the amazing beauty and sheer myselfness of the song. And then that became part of the song and I just kept recording myself reacting to my music/myself and the emotions grew stronger and more intense and just kept piling onto each other until it was a big ball of concentrated emotions and state of mind that I was in waving my arms around, over my head, in front of my face, a beanie pulled down to cover my eyes, my feet stomping to the rhythm, and
it was.
It was amazing. I'm looking forward to the future. I can only imagine how awesome it would be to match this newly blooming me with people who's being jives with me. This is not music.

Creepy

There is some seriously creepy wind blowing around outside, shaking my walls like there's someone/thing throwing itself or water at them, raining little bits of something on my roof that send a pretty clear sound into my room, making me think about how thin my walls and roof are, and making percussive sounds outside somewhere in the near proximity of my house that draw my imagination toward what could be getting hit down and what could be hitting it.

I'm tired and am going to go to sleep.

I'm going to wake up and teach children about Christmas and "What is this?"

I had a great day today. My new favorite place to which I have to go back is Tottori, especially its sand dunes. Yes.

It's been a long, time...

Hey, last post was post 47, how about that!?

Now, I have had a lot of experiences since we last spoke. The koto performance was good. It was not at all what I was expecting, particularly in terms of the human emotions involved. I was surprised from the very start when the lead player and teacher messed up on her solo that introduces the entire song; throughout the entire performance nobody seemed entirely on top of their game, although we definitely did not sound bad. It was strange to find myself nearly tearing up almost as soon as I began playing, and I'm not sure quite why. I was a little nervous and at the same time very excited to put all the work I'd been doing into a performance for people to hear. As I played and thought upon this, the main thing I just kept coming back to was that I was just so full of emotion, of energy, and it was coming out through all different parts of me - my fingers, my wrists, my movements, and my eyes.

Afterwards, we put our kotos away and had lunch. In the traditional Japanese style room, which almost all community centers and schools have for things like tea ceremony and other more traditional Japanese cultural practices, we talked about the performance. The teacher spoke of how well we played, but how it was hard to hear ourselves from the stage (which was true), and the general feeling was...it just was. We enjoyed our bento lunch from Lawson convenience store and laughed and joked and spoke about ourselves and each other.

Some time after that, I ran into some of the members again and they invited me to have tea with them. We went to the section where they were holding tea ceremony in the lobby and took our seats. There we were served by some of the elementary school girls that I teach. It was cool to see them in a setting of cultural seriousness; they had practiced this ceremony I don't even know how many days after school, probably at their parents forceful urging, and now they were serving other members of their community, their elders and teachers, through a tradition that has been passed across ages and has remained, or become, a regular part of festivals and events across Japan. Also, it was a cool experience for me because it was the first time I've participated in tea ceremony as just a customer, someone going in to enjoy some tea and dessert with acquaitances, rather than a student abroad or a foreigner being invited into and led through a cultural experience. I think it was my third time doing it and I had a rough idea of how it all went down. (Tea ceremony is anything but just going in and drinking some tea. It's basically a whole routine you going through, or act out, as you enjoy the food and tea, which involves considering the people with whom you're drinking and complementing the maker/server by taking in and commenting on the tea cup's design, the dry tea container, and lots of other things.) So, I felt pretty at ease the entire time and could just enjoy taking in the whole scene and the company of the people all around me.

And that wasn't even what I signed on to tell you about. Haha, oh man, there is just so much going on.

The day after I mused upon the possibility of snow, the temperature dropped another 6 degrees to 42F and I was surprised the feel of snow bouncing off my shoulder onto my cheek. That day, we had light snow a couple of times, but it was incredible to me, and I responded in a way some might expect of someone who had never before seen falling snow. I smiled widely, looked up, and said, "Amazing!"

The next day, the temperature dropped another 6 degrees to 38 and I got a feeling of how this town was going to head into winter: nose-diving down a craggy creak. I'm actually really excited about it though and would never think of complaining. (Don't hold me to that). But, really, I just find myself thinking sometimes how cool it is that I get to learn how to live in a whole new environment, without any real risk to my person. I don't really have to worry about getting seriously sick or dying, and through this experience, I will gain the ability to thrive in a new kind of setting, against a whole new set of challenges. I find myself thinking more of, and praying for, people who deal with this type of situation every year, without the shelter of a home, blankets, or concrete plans for the future.

I've been enjoying devising new and resourceful ways to keep my room warm, my favorite so far being hanging a big, thick blanket over the two sliding doors behind my bed's headpost in hopes of keeping the warmth my body generates in my tiny space, rather than seeping through the thin slats of wood and paper behind me. Plus, it looks really cool and kind of trippy.















My first real change in the look of my house to fit my tastes.

So with two new scarves, two new beanies, five blanket on top of me, one blanket underneat me, one blanket behind (?) me, and plastic bubble wrap sealing my bedroom and kitchen windows tight (although the tape is regularly assaulted by the cold moisture that seeps through the wooden window frame and, uh, the wall itself...), I head into the oblivion.

I have been making some sweet soups lately, the latest (repetitive?) of which had an awesome combination of chili peppers and yuzu (something like a little Japanese lemon that has an awesome scent way cooler and stronger than the generic lemon). Basically, I've been experimenting with different ways to stew potatoes (oh my gosh I love them so much), bell peppers (the latest batch I bought was all different splotches of ripeness in red, green, and yellow), daikon, cabbage, konyaku (delicious Japanese...-ness, I really don't know what it's made out of...some kind of vegetable extract?), carrots, and now mochi (it makes the whole concoction a lot thicker). I've used both konbu and "Japanese" soup stock now to great results and am casually thinking of what kind of delicious combination into which to delve next.

I also made oden, one of my favorite Japanese foods, a while ago. It was really good, but I think it would be better without so much broth, and maybe if I cut down on the amount, variation, or size of the things I put it in. Still, it was nice.

In other news, I've been on the move musically. Not necessarilly through different kinds; mostly just through the same albums over and over again, Microcastle and Weird Era Cont. Deerhunter is definitely the main band defining my life, or experiences (if those two are different...?), at the moment, and I've been getting a lot of good, undercover ideas, or influence, from them. I wish I could see them the 25th in L.A. I'm pretty sure it would be one of the best shows of my life, hah.

I've also been getting back into some good Chicano oldies, like WAR and Thee Midniters. I love the feeling of getting into my Chicano oldies. It just feels...good, haha. It's cultural pride, love for my gente, passion for la raza, childhood memories, good beats, and awesome energy through the music into my ears and pumped through my heart. It flows in my veins and stimulates my mind. It feels like a family gathering, a birthday, grandmas, aunties, children slipping down blow-up water slides, green grass and brown benches, brown skin, and light skin, and opening a little bit of your presents when it turns 12 o'clock on Christmas morning. I suppose it's my family that I love most of all - the people who live with me in the same house, the ones who live in the cities 20 minutes down the 210 and 60, and the ones I meet for the first time hanging out with my cousin, going to see a show with my sister, or marching in a demonstration. Damn, it's good to be Chicano.

I've got a lot more to say about that, so you can just look forward to that in the near future. Circulating through my brain's space are ideas about being Chicano in Japan, looking more into my own history, and some new ideas about what I want to do. Hint: they now include studying keyboard instruments in France, finding out just how I want to make myself helpful to people in the world, and the idea that if I really do have a natural tendency toward creative expression I should pursue it and delve into what I may be good at. So it seems thinking of my future draws some things into clarity and expands others into pure whim. Cool. I like that.

It's going to be cold soon.

48 degrees at 10:49 at night in my room. According to the girl who owns the cafe it's already snowing in certain parts of Haga, and the one of the English teachers said it may begin snowing around the school as early as tomorrow.

I bought two beanies and scarves today.

My koto performance went pretty well. It was a cool experience. Now, if anybody in town didn't know me before, they most definitely know me now (and have probably come up to me and asked if I was in the koto performance on Sunday and told me it was good). Neato.

I have to buy snow tires. Probably.

*Oh yeah, and considering the average temperature around here dropped like 5 to 10 degrees in one night exactly on Autumn Equinox Day, I have no idea what to expect. Or, I do have an idea of what to expect but don't want to think about it. At least I'm not in South Korea! Although I'm probably headed that way weather-wise within two weeks or so.

Whatever I'm visiting a day-care today and am going to play with more day-care kids tomorrow.

I am really getting into Weird Era now, the album that comes with Deerhunter's Microcastles. I haven't been this into a band in a long time. They are like the band of my summer and fall,...and winter? Probably. Why must they do their album-release tour now?!? Because they just released their album I suppose. Bad timing, truly. OH WELL, I will continue to listen to their music in an obsessive trance. I'm really into Backspace Century right now.

Mmm

I had planned on practicing koto for an hour if I could and just finished practicing it for about two hours right now. This Sunday is going to be awesome. It doesn't even hurt to pick those soft notes with my ring finger really anymore; I've just got this hard little bump on there instead. I'm glad; I've actually been able to practice pretty regularly, almost every day for the past few days, excluding two (or maybe three). In any case, I'm happy I was able to commit some regular time to learning this piece and devote a good hour to hour and a half for five or so days over the past week or so. It really is amazing how much it helps to practice everyday. The piece just comes right back to you from the day before so much more easily and with such familiarity. I've been getting to know the instrument so well, which is what I've really been wanting to do. It wasn't even very hard to get myself motivated and into regular practice. I just did and from there on I was in routine. It makes me feel like I can get into this instrument and the musical world of which it is a part.

I'm looking forward to playing some guitar again, after the performance is over. I was really getting into a musical gear with it before I focused on the koto. Life is wonderful.

Random, or, Cold Dokuros

When I got into bed last night it was 51.8 degrees Fahrenheit. I could see my breath in front of my face with every exhalation. When I woke up this morning I checked the thermometer only to find that it was 49 degrees Fahrenheit!! What the heck?! This morning I felt so crotchety, shuffling my way around the kitchen, sipping down my burning hot miso soup just to feel some warmth, it took my morning class with the kindergartners across town to warm up my heart.

And warm it up they did. We had a fun class that covered Dia de los muertos (extremely hard to convey to little kids without a simultaneous translation; I just aimed to make some kind of impression on them with pictures), Thanksgiving, different kinds of foods followed by FOOD BINGO!! (in which they colored in every picture of the food instead of just circling it, that made it a lot more fun), hiding and finding different food cards (The mushroom is under the chair...go!), and topped off with the wonderful tradition of drawing a turkey from your hand outline. Then we had snack time, during which I got to talk to the two teachers about Dia de los muertos. They were really curious about it and its similarities with the Japanese holidary of Obon. Then we all played hide and seek! That school is becoming one of my favorites. The class is only 5 kids so I get to know them a lot better and better every time I go over there. Oh yeah and I read The Very Hungry Caterpillar to this one boy during recess. It was like...the highlight of my life. Or at least my life since one of my elementary schools loaned me the book to read in case my lesson ended early. I have such good memories of having this book read to me when I was a child, I just love it. So that was nice.

It's kind of warm right now and I hope it stays that way. I double-bubble wrapped my bedroom windows two nights ago (bubble to bubble!), which led to a slightly more tolerable, although not overly noticeable, temperature difference that night, but seemed ineffective last night. I am going to have to keep planning my next measure on the front against the cold. Two days ago it was sooo cold at work. I didn't even feel cold in any way I could call familiar. It completely overode my skin and was just...a sharp or numb feeling around my bones.

Yeah.

I used to love winter. I have a feeling I'm going to be in for quite an experience once I find snow on my front step. Oh well! I can only become tougher!

A group of the most "masculine" (i.e. loud and disruptive) 3rd year (9th grade) boys hanging out in front of school today asked me if I had a "love girl." The follow-up question was "Have you ever...love love girl?" They were laughing so I figured it was fine to laugh at them, too. Actually, they apparently meant had I ever had a girlfriend. After school is fun.

For the past couple of classes with the first years, the English teacher has just been going around checking every person's notebook to see if they've completed all the exercises for the past...oh, four months or so, so that we can move onto the next section. So, I've gotten to do the mandatory, "Good morning. How are you? What is the date today? What is the weather like? Is anyone absent? Let's say it together," then I had no job for the remainder of class. Which is actually the situation fairly often only this time the teacher wasn't even trying to give a lesson, so I had free reign to talk to the kids and get to know them a little bit. They are actually quite fun and likeable when they're not in a real class setting. So that was nice today.

The new Dokuros album is awesome.

Uff

Oh man, I just watched 28 Weeks Later and am depressed and frightened.

Zombie movies are awesome, but I always finish them shaken up. Really though, 28 Weeks Later and 28 Days Later are like pieces of art - the cinematography, the music, the motifs; the makers just put it all together in a way that makes me feel like I am beholding art. I think that is partly what gave me this familiar feeling when I watched both of them, the sensation of watching a vivid nightmare unfold before and around me.

The scary thing about 28 Days/Weeks Later is that humans created the disease themselves through science. There are so many plausible scenarios in which humans could create a highly destructive and unstoppable disease through their own scientific means. That's what makes thinking even scarier after watching a movie like that.

I was told today that Michael Crichton died last week of cancer, which he'd had for a while. Man, that's really sad. I grew up reading his books and really can't even comprehend the world without his presence. Cancer.

Also found out a JET for my city died three years ago in a car accident coming back from the city. I am affected heavily by reminders of life's mortality. It all makes me think a lot, and really feel a bit paranoid.

Tonight I will be doing a lot of thinking and asking questions. It usually takes me a while to ride through these sort of things, but I suppose it's important to think about them. Maybe not so much, but perhaps people learn how to deal with, consider these things the more we live.

Brushing our Teeth

There's something weird about brushing your teeth when you look at yourself doing it up close. You're moving an actually pretty big stick around your mouth with surprising force while it makes an odd scratching sound that comes echoing from your gaping maw. And white foam spews out. You can feel it. And this is supposed to make our mouths clean.

What about our minds?

The Doors really get me.

I just realized the reason behind why bands have a lead singer. A person designated solely to sing, to flip out, to unleash something. I've thought about this before, but it's never hit me like now. Do bands do that sort of thing now? I want to do that.

Man

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=5zesUGSFsjk
Watching this I thought, "Man, it's time for some real music again."

Yes! (with a Door's quote)

Yes! I just practiced koto for about two hours straight! It was awesome! I went in having a basic idea of most of the song and now can play almost the whole thing pretty decently sounding and it's starting to sink into my muscle and normal memory. I am really happy and thankful that I was able to have such a good session today. I felt like playing more and more but figured I was at a good place to stop.

I even started getting my very first koto blister! I have never used my ring finger before to pluck out those softer notes as much as I do for this song, and it actually hurts a bit. Haha, I lightly dread those parts when I see them coming, but they are so beautiful the sound overcomes the pain. Actually, my guitar blisters started coming back too when I started playing my classical and the steel string left in the house by someone before me (?) music in which I moved my left hand around more, and before I started focusing on this koto piece. I feel like I have gotten into a musical mode, or a version of me that is more in touch with a certain part of my creativity. I like it. A lot.

Also, I started listening to Black Moon yesterday. Awesome.

Also, I'm excited by Obama being president in a way I can't remember ever being about something political. Maybe there is something more personal here. (What happens with the flip-side of the personal being political happens and the political is personal?...?) Watching his acceptance speech really moved me to excitement and optimism in a way that felt completely new to me. Ever since 6th grade, when I first started to become aware of politics, it's always been something to be cynical about, to get involved in to fight against a larger, evil power. Well, I'm sure things are still like that in a way, and it's good to always be aware, but watching Obama's acceptance speech, I felt something like pure optimisim, excitement and hope for what we, people who want to help, could do in the near and far future. I'm still really happy about things. After I finished watching his speech, I thought, hey, if I can live this way in my relationship to politics, I could live this way in my everyday life. How would that work? Just thinking about the positives in life, acknowleding the amazing things that are happening all around me and to me every moment I live. An idea I've been toying with in my mind for a while, but it really came to a new level of fomentation that night. I'm happy and thankful that Obama being the next president has, if anything, done that for me, and possibly changed for the better, in some subtle or basic way, how people think.

There are so many things going on that I have meant to tell you about but just never make the time to. Since at least a month ago up to now, I've just not uploaded or written about all the things I really want to tell you about, but I'll tell you now, they include: subverting through creative lesson planning the hegemonic notion in Japan that all English-speaking foreigners are white (that was fun, worked more on a subconscious level, but hey so does hegemony), the adventure of me having two kotos in my house now, and the terribleness of having a mukade crawl down the front of my shirt while I study Japanese. I can't wait to tell you in person when we meet again.

Oh yeah, I also talked to one of the English teachers at the middle school today. He saw me studying kanji and we started talking about Japanese and English proficiency tests. I've been getting a little antsy about taking the test the first week of December, even though I originally signed up just to motivate myself into a cool study schedule and see how I do. I don't know why. I'm behind the schedule (and re-schedule) I made for myself, but am still pretty sure I'll finish all my books and have time to review. I guess I just really want to do well? I don't know. In any case, I talked to my English teacher today and he said he had never taken an English or Japanese test before, which was pretty surprising to me because a) I thought as a professional English teacher he would have had to take the national English exam and place high and b) he's really knowledgeable about the roots and history of the English language and able to speak it far better than most Japanese people I have known. He said, "If you take the practice tests, you can pretty much gage where you're at on your own." That really hit me, especially because I had never even had any interest in taking this test before I got the idea in my head after I arrive here. It was a kind of comination between, "I'm here in Japan, now's probably the best time to take it, and I've got a pretty good amount of experience now, so it'd be cool to see where I am" and "Well, I passed the second level practice test, what's the point of taking the real thing and getting something I know I can do already, I'll just go for the top and if I don't get it oh well!" Actually, I don't regret signing up for it, though. I've learned SO MUCH so far. The day after the elections, I bought five copies of the largest Japanese newspapers, to have some history to look at in the years to come (oh my gosh I'm a history dork okay, but my whole family thinks that kind of stuff is cool!), and today, while I looked over one of the front pages, two of the kanji made up a word I had just learned how to read the week before, and two others made up a word I had just learned two days ago! ...I had to go back in the book and look up how to read the last one again but still! it was cool. So yeah, you get the drift. After the test, I suppose I'll still look at the books ever once and a while, and if I don't pass the test and take it again next summer I s'pose I'll be studying in a schedule again, too. That's one of the main reasons I bought them, to have a massive storage of pretty much the highest level Japanese they test for and that I can look at any time in the future. I just love the idea of having all this knowledge at my fingertips to look at.

Languages. I've been holding onto a better semblence of English this time, I'm assuming because I'm teaching it and speaking it almost every day compared to two and a half years ago when I was completely immersed in the language and culture 24 hours a day, in class, at home,...everywhere. I've also been able to keep my Spanish accent and understanding at a pretty good level, better than last time I was here, that's for sure. Besides the Daily Show, La Opinion's online articles provided me with up to date info on the election, a look into how a newspaper of its type covers the sort of phenomenon that has been taking place, and, most importantly, some good sharpening (or at least anti-dulling) of my Spanish. I'm excited to take on that language and realize more and more how much easier it should be than Japanese. Chinese, Korean, and French also keep floating through my mind. Assuming it takes two years of regular studying and a half-year of studying in the language's country to develop some kind of proficiency to communicate...hmmm....

That plus all the other things I want to do: music, law, medicine, history, all while keeping a good excercise routine...is this what being young is about - wanting to do everything all right now? Haha, I feel kind of like I did at the end of high school when I knew I was going to work for Human Rights Watch after I majored in political science in college. Or when I thought I could become fluent in Spanish and Japanese by the time I graduated. Now I question what "fluent" even means let alone its importance. Or maybe like when I first went to Japan, all the things that were going through my mind that I couldn't wait to find out about and experience. It's kind of like those times...but different. This time...I really want to do everything, haha. And every thing takes a huge amount of time and devotion to do the way I want to do it. I wonder if as I start to do the one of which I'm most sure, or sure I can start the best, the others will fall by the wayside and I'll realize something about my true calling, or something like that. But...I don't want to let all the other things go. Oh. Well, I suppose I'll just take things one step at a time. Take it easy baby. Take it as it comes. Don't move too fast, if you want your love to last.

Oh you've been moving much too
fast.

dry! or Tips and Tricks

So now you're at that part where you really want your clothes to be dry so you can wear them to bed and not freeze. They're still damp, so you have to figure out what to do.
Hint! Put them under the kotatsu with you while you study and read! It'll get them not only dry but also warm over the course of the entire evening! Now you're ready to move onto the next stage and attack those masses of elementary school students the next day with a full night of warm sleep!

Oh, I miss video games. And video game magazines. And reading video game magazine articles over and over again even when I didn't have the games they were about. Oh, strategy guides were a good read, too, even if I didn't have the game but my friend did (Banjo Kazooie). I never play them anymore because I'd rather do other things than put the amount of commitment and consistent play the good ones require, butttttt...maybe I should try out a cool-looking one or one I've been wanting to play (not Banjo Kazooie) for a long time. After I learn this koto piece. Which is getting cooler and cooler the more I get used to it.

still

Still, it makes a pretty good and tasty meal. It's pretty cool that one can have dinner from a convenience mart here two nights in a row and not pass out from sodium overload. Way to go onigiri and mini shrimp tendon. That's "tendon" as in the meal of rice with shrimp tempura on it, not...oh...ew.

busy

You know you're really starting to get busy
when you eat out of the konbini two nights in a row.

Oh man

Oh man, and Ain't Nobody's Business If I Do. Cool.

I'm also excited because I was missing some books in English and then randomly found a Mark Twain and Albert Camus book (not a co-authorship; that would be an awesome joined force of nature and twist of the space-time continuum) in the room I never go in because it smells like kerosene. I was looking for tools though. And I found them, in a cabinet-type thing in the doorway to the house. Not in the room. But I was glad I went in there. I wrenched up those screws on the kotatsu legs until they were good and sturdy. Not like before.

warm

Today I vacuumed my living room and was reminded of mowing a lawn, lining up all the mower tracks. I missed mowing the lawn. Hah, this happens to me sometimes when I'm not at home, though when I am at home, I don't mow the lawn as often as I should. Yet when I do, I really enjoy it.

With the room nice and vacuumed, I set up my kotatsu. Oh yes. For those who don't know what one is, it's basically a table with a fan on the bottom that puts out warm air, which is kept in an air socket under the table by long, thick, flowing comforters which fit in the table. Yes, it's amazing. Basically one of Japan's greatest inventions ever, if it was invented here as I thought. Pretty much all the JETs've been setting there's up, so I may be the last one, but last Halloween's movie-candy marathon spent completely under the kotatsu with four other people was...awesome. Plus, I realized I study kanji best when I can write directly on a table, rather than on my lap in bed, so voilah, another reason to set it up. A provider of a flat surface on which to study and the warmth that surrounds my legs while I do it. Speaking of which, I just finished the politics/international relations and disaster/crime sections of my kanji book. Five more sections to go and I'm done. Hurrah.

I'm listening to Billie Holliday now, gift of my sister. This is really nice. The stuff she's singing about and the way she's singing about it must have been so on the edge for the time. Flat out saying she wants a man to make love to her, and saying she's been a slave to her man, all set to a jazz band/orchestra background. Man, this is great. What a voice.

What a choice. I ate the last of my grapefruit today. It was good. I want to eat a ruby one though. It would be nice to have people I really know well close enough to able to be visit them with a phone call and a short drive. Or a bus ride, for that matter. "Short" being the key. Well, I'll keep listening to this music. It's really good.

Cleaning Day

Today, I woke up with a nagging stomach which served as a reminder to me throughout the day: I am not a candy-eater. Even as a child, after Trick-or-Treating, my sister and I would come home and check our candy, eat a few pieces with my parents, and save almost the entire haul from the night for later. Which meant we never ate nearly any of it and it just went bad, hah. We just weren't raised eating a lot of sweet foods and candies, so I don't really go it now. Which is why, when I scarfed down I don't even know how many chips and chocolates last night that some of the JETs had bought for our Halloween movie night, I felt fine and happy then, then oo and ouf today. And with no Sprite or 7-Up in the fridge...??

At any rate, I didn't let some little tantrum thrown by my stomach get me down! I practiced koto, hung my blankets and sheets to air out, and did two loads of laundry! I actually was a little reluctant to do much cleaning and organizing the house today, but by nightfall, just about half an hour ago, I had cleaned up my kitchen, including the rice steam goo brown stuff that had collected in the ridges of the rice cooker, cleaned the living room off any stuff (and I mean like really...there is nothing in my living room now except like a couch and a table), and made my room cozier. I also finally made that big empty room I usually just hang my laundry up in with a big table that I also just put laundry on my music room, and now a koto lays majestically across it's length.

Well, it's time to take a shower and start my day. Tonight.

Hey, the food chain!

Another good reason to learn new instruments - it keeps you humble. I was in a room full of very patient old women today who stayed way late to help me learn a song on the koto while all the while I had very little idea what was going on. I did learn some though. Oh yeah, also, I think I mentioned last time how they brought up the idea that I could play in the cultural festival with them on the 16th of November. So today I found out that that actually means they've already put my name on the performance program flier which has been printed and is ready for distribution. Sooo, I had better learn this song quickly and well, haha. They shortened it because there isn't enough time for everyone (mainly me, I'm guessing, but hey maybe not) to learn all the parts. So, needless to say, after staying later to practice, I came home, made and ate dinner, and practiced koto for the next couple of hours, hah. And I actually got a lot of the new version of the song right! So, I'm going to keep working on it until I get it perfect! Two of the members of the group even offered to meet with me next Wednesday to go over the piece with me. I'm sure it will help me a lot. And, with interesting timing, the talks with a neighboring town's high school went through and I'll now be going over there once or twice a week to practice koto with them too. Wow, that actually ended up being a bit more than I bargained for, but I think I see a possibility for major fun and meeting new people. And musical DEVELOPMENT (?). That's not really the word I'm looking for. Just, music, and, me. Yeah, and others. Nice. I'm a koto MACHIIINE!!

I made a cool "stock" for stir fry made half of soy sauce, a quarter miso made in my town!, and a quarter white dashi (fish stock?). Mmm, I fried up some Japanese peppers (shishito), satsuma imo (sweet potatoes), another cool kind of sweet a little different tasting pinkish potatoe I found a while ago at the local market and started eating, tofu, two eggs that I randomly thought of and realized were 4 days expired so I used them, and shimeji mushrooms I got from an elementary school (so awesome) last Friday. I was actually going to write about that (getting awesome delicious food from that elementary school) last week but I just didn't. Huh. Okay.

I want to go to sleep.

cold

Oh yeah, and as of last night I am now sleeping in thermals. The JET before me said this house had no insulation, and everybody in town is continuously telling me it's going to get harsher from here on out. I think my predecessor said cardboard works pretty good if you put it on the windows...

Yes!

I just made another song that is maybe even trippier, no definitely trippier, than yesterday's and with which I am in love. This...is awesome!

Oh yeah, there was a blog called Donkey Dreams being advertised when I signed on. That's just silly.

My new schedule

My new schedule, if yesterday and today are any indication (and I hope they are), is becoming get home from work, make dinner, eat dinner, make music, go to sleep. For yesterday, I would add also playing with children and making music as soon as I get back home, too. That was cool. Today, I had music flow out of me immediately upon picking up my guitar and made a new song over the next near-two hours. It was cool. Goodnight.

Fire Festival

Hello, all you out there in T.V. Land. Today is a day,
yes, today is now night.
And what a great day it was!

First of all, let's set the mood. I'm listening to Avey Tare, of Animal Collective,'s project with Kria Brekken, of Mum (with an accent markie on the u), for the first time now. It is awesome. I'm not even a full song in. Yes.

Now, if you're listening along, you are also in a similarly tripped out mood and can follow my train of thought perhaps more real to the way I felt it when I had it (right now).

Today was midterm testing so I did...nothing. EXCEPT, three sections of practice in my kanji workbook, which was really nice and I learned a lot and felt productive. I also got a fairly good vibe from the other teachers, like the vice-principal, from whom I usually get a weird vibe. The past couple of weeks some of the teachers've seemed a little cold or removed, while actually others have been friendlier, so maybe some of them are just a little stressed right now, what with preparing for the midterms and what not. But anyways, we're definitely in free thought mode now, as my sentences are just kind of moving to the flow of my thoughts. Yeah, so I could've left at like 1, like any of the other teachers, but the others were staying longer to work, so I thought I would. For the first time, the English teacher I work with let me help him with something when I asked him if I could help him with anything. It was really nice to be able to be productive and do some work while others were working all around me. I got right on checking off marks by every student's name to mark that they had turned in their worksheets. Then, I realized, I had a list of all the students in the first year's names in front of me! So, I got to writing down all their names and trying to match them with some of the names that were written in English on the English worksheets, thus finding out some of the names I didn't know before. So much kanji today, though...my eyes were tired after writing the names of half the students in the school so I decided to call it a day and go home.

On my way home, I thought, "What should I do?" I had earlier thought about going into the city since I was getting home earlier by an hour now, 3 when I first had the idea, but my brain was warped from all the studying and up-close writing. I need some excercise, to move my body around, I thought. Maybe I'll go for a run, even though it's cold. In any case, I thought as I sat on the bench overlooking the school field, I'll walk home, because I just feel like a nice walk.

As I passed the city Health and Wellness Center (?), where they give cooking classes (I think) and activities for older people, as well as take care of elementary school children after school while their waiting for the bus, I ran into the usual group of kids waiting around in the parking lot, playing. I was in no rush, and the immediacy of riding a bike was nowhere to be found in myself so I stopped by to chat. They were having a relay and invited me to, "join us! join us!" Haha, okay, I can't think of anything to do right now because my brain's dulled, I'll just have some fun with these kids for a while. So I ran relay races around the parking lot with them, then we played tag, or "oni goko." I was the oni (demon) first so I ran around and tried to catch them. It was really fun, and actually really got me breathing. Then, the daycare teachers invited us all in for snacks! Snacks!? Yes!! I was happy to accept the invitation and enjoy a delicious rice cracker, candy, and warm tea snack with the kiddies and the two teachers. We translated some hard to translate Japanese customary sayings for before and after eating. Itadakimasu, or "we humbly receive this food that was given to us by the people who worked hard to prepare it and the plants and animals that gave their bodies to become it," became "Let's have our snacks!" and "Gochisousama deshita, or "the meal was delicious, thank you," became "Let's finish!" Haha. But hey, that's not too bad, I suppose. When the teachers asked the kids what they thought the English versions of the phrases would be one boy kept answering, "Let's go!" which was really funny. Really, haha.

But anyways, after that, we did more relays, oni goko, and then played badmitton. It was my first time! Really fun. And now I am going to eat home-made canned azuki (red bean) soup with mochi cubes chopped out of the parts of the mochi from that festival a long time ago that didn't get moldy. Mmm. Warm and with water. I remember I made this and ate it with a guy who lived in the same guest house as me when I was in Kyoto for a few weeks back at the end of study abroad. Wow. Cool.

It was interesting to see the different personalities of the kids. One was the confident boy who took charge of everything and told everyone how they were going to pick teams and in what order the people on his team would run and everyone just kind of took it as nothing special. There was another boy who was really attached to me, more sensitive than the other boy, and although just as athletic as the other kids seemed much more attuned to expressing emotions. The two girls I first ran with were not so keen on telling everybody what to do, just enjoyed running. Another boy, who I think was younger, got close to crying a lot more than the others, but had a beautiful smile when he was laughing and having fun. Later, a girl who was a little older came over and played badmitton with us. She was super confident, not forceful, just wanted to play, on any team, and she was good. Later, she brought out a unicycle and started trying to ride that around. Oh yeah, all the kids at the elementary schools have access to unicycles and one school in particular trains their kids to be suuuper good at them. They had an awesome performance on them at their sports day. It was sweet.

So, after about an hour and 48 minutes of that, I finally walked home. They gave me a wreath with candy glued to the edges and a card inside that says, "Thank you for your visit," wrapped in plastic. I was so surprised and happy. It was really awesome.

So now, this album is finally getting to the weird, dark song. Oooh, I like it. Although, I've been thinking, there are some happy-ish-sounding songs I really like, maybe I should move more in that direction and try making stuff like that.

I went to an amazing festival (haha, I typed frestival at first) last Saturday night. One of the JETs had been going on a mountain walk and happened upon a shrine, where he met an old lady who was some kind of monk who told him about a festival that would occur there after nightfall on Saturday night. He told us about it, and a few of us decided to go. I'm glad I did.

He asked us to bring flashlights, but I forgot mine, which is actually a headlamp, but lo and behold, when we borrowed a couple from his landlord, one of them was a big purple headlamp! Yeah, I called that one so fast. It kept slipping from my head as we were walking but it felt good just to have it there. Yeah, it was cool.

We weren't sure if anyone was even going to be there and the way up looked bleak, but when we got there, we found a bunch of people gathered around and by the looks of things, they were just setting up. As we found out, that night was to be a fire festival in honor of people who had died of unnatural causes, like suicide or accidents, as far as my ears could tell. Holy shit, the re-reversed version of this album is so cool!! It sounds completely different!! I didn't even know the whole first song was guitar-based. At first, I was a little surprised to see no food booths or loud taiko music, but not really too disappointed. It added an air of more seriousness to the event, which was only to deepen as the night went on.

So the ceremony was about to begin, or so the monk told us as he invited us into the coutyard of the shrine. The monks were off to the side, where they blew this cool horn that reminded me of Aztec conch horns or some kind of Viking horn, and read passages. It was pretty normal, nice, and -oh-some of the audience members are joining in on, that's cool. It added a nice feeling to be semi-surrounded by momentary prayer chants. Then, that's when it got intense.

The monks started chanting and one of them started hitting a rhythm on a little percussion box that looked like a little animal, I think. I think it was just straight eighth notes, now that I think about it. Just a constant rhythm. Then all of a sudden, EVERYBODY in the whole courtyard was chanting together, saying a syllable on every eighth note or more. Constant sound, words, human voices, in one flat tone, all around you. Everywhere. Then, it rises, maybe half a step. Then, back down. Still, constantly coming from all around us. And it didn't matter if someone ran out of breath (it would have been impossible for anyone to keep saying the chant the whole time without missing a beat to take a breath), because there were so many people that almost everyone else would be able to keep saying it during that moment. And then four monks starting shaking these rods with golden rings on them in a rhythm of down, down, up, down, down, up, and I figured out later that the two people in the back row where doing it one beat behind the ones in front, so they were constantly flowing in and out of each other. It was amazing! It made me think immediately of how people first started doing those kind of chants, who knows how long ago, to put themselves in another state of mind, so that they could truly connect to something beyond themselves, pray, in a focused state. I don't know if that's true, but I'm pretty sure it is, and I know I've heard it in some kind of class, plus being there, in that courtyard, I totally went into another state and could see how it would work. We did that for maybe 15 minutes, maybe 20 minutes? Maybe 25? I have no idea, but it was really long and I wanted it to go on forever.

Eventually, it did stop however. The monks moved up a stone staircase to an altar higher up in the mountain, as dramatic music played over a stereo. They wore maskes, like the Tengu, the god that is said to have always lived in the mountains in Japan. As they ascended, a younger boy dressed in casual clothes, rather than the white robes of the monks, read passages from the back of their area, marked off by a white sheet on the ground. I had seen him earlier and wondered if he was studying to become a monk.

They came back down after some time. And people began to chant again. Different chants, some I could actually make out partially because they were shorter and slower. But I couldn't pick out meanings, really. Something about two points and waiting, maybe. Another interesting thing was that that monk that the other JET had met before was the head monk. She basically led the entire thing, and had all the others waiting for her command. Veerrry interesting, especially for something as amazingly traditional as this ceremony seemed and taking into account that all those others taking her orders, besides one, were men.

After that part was done, they began distributing packages of wooden sticks with names written on them. The passed on? The family who was receiving the sticks? I don't know. What I do know is that monks started pouring sake on these standing iron torches arranged throughout the courtyard and lighting fires in them. Then people began putting the sticks in them and the fires grew really quickly. A kind woman who works at an old peoples' home in that city shared sticks with me. People gathered around the torches near them and stoked the fires. Children tried to throw sticks in from below, which would often sail through the fire to the other side, where an old lady, or maybe I, would pick them up and put them into the burning flames. It was a nice atmosphere. Just pick up any of the sticks you happen to find on the floor, or that were given to you, or that you just had, and stick them into the fire, as you felt the intense heat reflect on your face and brows pushing you back as soon as you had the stick in the blaze. And then drawing you back in when you had your next piece to add to the inferno.

Monks would go around with bamboo sticks and push out the bottoms of the fire where the wood had turned to charcoal or was ashing. Ashes were flying everywhere, burning my eyes with the smoke. I was standing in between four tourches, tending to the one on my front left. This went on for a long time, and really put me in another state of being, as well. Being constantly surrounded by intense heat, trying to always be aware enough not to have a hot ember go into my clothes or let the flames lick my hair, face, or clothes. And the other people seemed to be in that kind of state too. Dedicated to dedicating these fires to those who had passed on, to world peace, and to every person's happiness. The monks would scream as if they were possessed when they shoved the bottoms of the fires out, the same kind of scream one of them had done a few times even during the chants.

It looked a bit like this:




















































































Toward the end, I moved to the side. It was just getting to be so unbearably hot between those fires. A man began going around with blocks of wood, which he would hit with his fingers, move his hand around in a kind of form, say something that could have been some of kind prayer, give a barkish yell, and put one in each torch. And we listened to that woman describe the history of the ceremony, ask us to look into the sky at something I couldn't quite figure out, and slowly come down from our fevered wood-dashing and chanting into a relaxed through draining condition that felt somehow as if we had been purified by ourselves, though we were covered with the gray ashes of the trees we had just sacrificed to the blazing infernos of our prayers, emotions, and kindness.

The walk back was nice, as were the delicious azuki manju and amazake we received. We also were given fortunes but I don't know what mine says too clearly.

Life is interesting.

Oh my

Just as I predicted, I played koto for at least two hours today instead of studying Japanese.
Oh my.

Oh my gosh

Oh my gosh, I really think I should go to bed now. I've been playing the piece for which I borrowed the music from the koto group today for the past hour or so and it is SO BEAUTIFUL! I'm starting to learn the first part after the intro and the second part that flows into the time change (from 4/4 to 6/8!!!)!! Oh my gosh, all the feelings I got before when I played this instrument that make me instantly fall in love with it and that make me want to study and play it forever are coming back. Ah, love.

Another update, hehe

Yep, things are going pretty well, and I just have so much to write about!

Today, I taught at one of my elementary schools, the biggest one, and it was...AWESOME! The English teacher there helped me out so much, and not by leading the lesson or anything, but by supporting me amazingly. When I read cards with Halloween words or sports names on them, she would take them from me and put them on the board with magnets, repeating after me to get the students to say the words as well. She gently initiated demonstrations between the two of us of how to do some of the exercises and worksheets. I was just amazed at how easily and modestly she took the back seat and allowed me to lead the lesson, and in the end it was only because of her helping me so much as a back-up that we were able to get through the entire lesson plan on time for both periods. The classes at this school are huge compared to the 9 students in the combined 4th, 5th, and 6th grade class at one elementary school and the 12 or so students in the combined 5th and 6th grade class at the other elementary school. Today I taught a class of about 30 5th graders followed by a 6th grade class of about 25, and we made it through the entire lesson plan, which was made at one of the small schools. I couldn't have even imagined that after my first day of actual lesson-giving a couple of weeks ago in which I was either finishing 5 minutes early and using the back-up picture book or barely finishing on time. I thought for the first time today, "This must be how team-teaching is supposed to work," as well as, "Hey, I think I'm starting to get used to giving lessons!" It was a very exciting day. I never thought I would love teaching so much, but I was very happy after giving today's lessons.

Tonight's English conversation class was also pretty cool. The highlight, besides all the awesome explanations of prepositions and word origins from the main English teacher (I'm serious, I think this guy is really interested in etymologies and the like. I've learned so many cool and interesting things about English from him.), was when one of the members mentioned she was in correspondence with a friends of hers, also from Japan, living in L.A. Apparently, she's some kind of teacher, maybe of English (which would be really interesting). I ventured to ask the class member if she knew where her friend lived in L.A. and she said she didn't know. But then, she took out a post-it and started reading an address off. I looked at the paper and, lo and behold, her friend lives in La Puente! What the heck!? I got to explain to the class then that lots of cities and streets in the U.S., at least in California, have Spanish names, and also that lots of Mexican-Americans (yes, I've been using that oh-so-neutral term just because it's a lot easier for most people to understand than Chicano or Latino, plus it's surprisingly self-explanatory) live in La Puente, including some of my relatives. I'm still working on how to explain that there are lots of Latinos in general in Los Angeles, and not just Mexican-Americans. That was a cool point, though, in today's lesson. It came completely out of left field; I would never have predicted it, haha.

I finally took out my trash which had been collecting way too many little flies. I hadn't taken it out the first chance I got because the trash bag wasn't quite full, and I didn't want to waste it. Then, I missed trash day the week after that. Ew, no good. I was looking forward to today, when I could finally put my trash out to be taken away tomorrow, all week. :)

That's about it. Maybe I'll get some more sleep tonight.

Oh yeah, I found out I have an English bulletin board in the middle school hallway all to myself yesterday and set out immediately to make my Dia de los muertos bulletin. I finished it today, and I'm pretty happy with it. I've had some pretty cool conversations with the other teachers about the holiday so far and it's only been a day and a half. Some of them compare it to Obon, which I have also done, and really the two do have a lot of similarities. The whole life-death cycle, making the day a time of lively celebration, and the ubiquitous use of skeletons is pretty different, though, and draws a lot of attention. Besides that, the two main comments I've heard from kids is, "yabai," which means "crazy" in the most colloquial sense, describing how people paint their faces like skulls, and "oh it's not Halloween?" But interest in better than nothing! The English teacher I work with wanted me to write katakana (the Japanese alphabet used to write foreign words) so students would know how to pronounce "Dia de los muertos," but katakana English is bad enough (see earlier entry - "doguzu," "catosu"), I didn't want these kids speaking katakana Spanish, too (although I think Spanish has a lot more similar of sounds to Japanese than English). So I tried to write some kind of pronunciation key in Roman letters (is that what it's called in English?). It came out alright, but whatever, I'm not worried about that.

I'm a little nostalgic for Dia de los muertos this year, but I'm looking forward to hearing about it and seeing pictures from my family. I hope they enjoy it a lot!

Time to get ready for bed. Oh yeah, the Daily Show was really funny today. It totally expressed something like my feelings about how news channels just put random people on t.v. and interview them to push points they want pushed (and that they're owners want pushed) with its segment, "Who the F@#k is that Guy?" Hilarious.

Bilarious.

Rock on! or Thank you so much ladies in the koto group!

Oh Wow.
Things got a lot better in the last, oh, hour and forty-five minutes, mainly because of one little adventure.

Today I left right on time from work and made it down to the weekly koto group meeting at town hall, where I was met by a surprisingly large gathering of smiling, old ladies arranged like shapes according to how their kotos would best fit in the small, little room. After the building manager introduced me, the first question the asked me was, "Did you bring your tsumi?" (Tsumi means "nails" and is the word for the picks you attach to your fingers to play koto.) YES YES!! I DID!! Then, what kind of stuff have you played before? Well, I actually I brought my old music from koto club two years and a half years ago (wow, has it actually been that long?)! I watch with nervous excitement as the group leader looks over Hana Ikada, the other song I learned besides Sakura, Sakura.

I tell them it's been a long time since I've played and their response is to have everybody retune their kotos to a song they've been practicing and have me play along with them! From the start! Stopping calmly and patiently for every part I don't get, which was almost every one, and showing me how to play. Oh my gosh. By the end, I actually starting to get back the feeling of playing the koto.

After, they said they would pick an easier song and let me play with them at the cultural festival next month! What?! Then, I start to pick up bits of conversation about if I could practice at home, who lives near me, what kotos I could use. No, it couldn't be. I dismiss it and try to figure out what they're really talking about. Then, they start gesturing toward a koto standing in the corner of the room. "This one's really old, but could you use it?" the leader asks. What? Uh, yes, it looks awesome! "Okay then, she lives close to you so she'll take it to your house by car and you can meet her when you go back home by bike." .... .... Oh my gosh, thank you so so so so much. There were plenty of sumimasens and arigatou gozaimasus to follow the whole way out the building, loading the koto into the car, and saying goodbye to the super nice old lady as she drive away from my house leaving me with this:












































YES.
YES YES YES!

I am so happy and cannot wait to practice this thing all the time yes yes.

I was just so excited I had to tell you right away. So there you go, my life for the next year.

Oh yeah, also, I just had a revelation! I had starting thinking, and worrying a bit, about how no matter how good you get at a language, the moment you stop using it your ability starts to decrease, and how after a couple of years of not speaking it much you're nowhere near where you used to be and making back to point one. Now, this train of thought may be a bit exaggerated, but in any case, I just realized: koto is my connection to Japanese. I had this realization when I thought that I would definitely return to the U.S. with a koto, that it was something I was happy to invest the funds and time into. So that means studying it in the U.S.. I'm also guessing that my sensei would most likely be an old Japanese woman, or Japanese, and while my lessons may be in English, I think there's a pretty good chance they could be in Japanese, as would much of the society around that music. Just a thought, but an inspiring one.

People can be so kind.

I am excited :)

Geezers

I had the most "day care" day care day today of all my days of day care days.

I went through my self-introduction (this was the last school I'll be working at that I still hadn't been to), questions, played Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes, then did some other question thing I don't remember, and the class was starting to lulllllllll I was about an hour in and still had half an hour left okay now is the time to pull out my secret weapon I had been thinking of the whole time...RED LIGHT, GREEN LIGHT.

That's right. These four, magical words, which are really only three but so enchanted they seem like four, named the game that was a smashing success at Midori Day Care. Those kids got into it so much I had to move all the way to the back of the room just so they didn't get to me on the first green light. But the real kick-off was when I asked if any of them wanted to be "it." They were shy at first, but after one intrepid child volunteered, and they all saw how fun it was, every hand in the room was raising up after every round! And they started to get really good at it too, utilizing the red lights quite skillfully, although they usually just said, "Stop!" first. At one point, one of the boys was faced with a mob of day care kids all staring right at him right in the face from no more than half a foot away. He weighed his options, thought, and then, with the look of a pirate driving his ship right into the ocean's cruel waves, or man leaving life to fate as he jumps into a pit of snarling dogs, said that one word that would seal his fate, "Green," and they were upon him. Smiling! Laughing! Giggling! Drooling! Falling on the floor! Looking around with bright, shiny eyes! And I was beside him, engulfed in the flood of happiness, too.

Today marks the day I finally got drooled on by a day care kid (more than once), had to take a kid off of my back as I gave my lesson (same one that drooled on me), had to deal with multiple kids who started crying when it was their turn to say their name and favorite food, and drank warm milk from a kiddy cup during snack time. Actually the milk made me feel pretty weird, as in grossed out, which was only exacerbated by the kids coming up to me and opening their dried-snot-and-milk crusted mouths in my face, but hey it was allllllright.

I think it might actually be a special needs day care, but I'm not sure. I got the impression there was a higher number of special needs kids there than in the other schools I've been to. The two teachers were definitely doing more direct intervening to keep some kids still, or in her clothes in one case, and a couple of other kids were allowed to leave and go outside as they pleased. But some of the other kids seemed fine, so if it isn't a special needs day care, maybe they just have more special needs kids. The teachers didn't tell me anything, though, in comparison to the teachers at one of the elementary schools I work at who introduced some of their kids directly to me as having Downs Syndrome or ADHD.

In any case, I had a lot of fun with the kids, and they all seemed to enjoy their time with me, so I'm glad. And they learned the words "green," "red," and "yellow" really well!

Also, in every class I have with this one group of first years at middle school, I have to go through this whole routine about the date and weather that ends with, "Is anybody absent today?" and the answer is ALWAYS "Mr. Shimizu is absent." I'm starting to wonder what the heck that is all about. Well, not start wondering, I've been wondering like since I noticed he'd been absent for about a month and a half. The English teacher mentioned during class last week that he saw "Mr. Shimizu" at school after hours practicing guitar with the music teacher, but that's about all I know. Before then, I thought he might be a special needs student, because, from what I've heard, most teachers, at least in middle school and above, pretty much pretend like there is nothing going on with the student and don't give her or him any sort of special attention until something drastic happens, like they need to be restrained in class. So maybe everyone just got used to the fact that this kid is absent from class everyday? But if he was playing guitar with the music teacher after school? I'm not sure, but it's probably not my business to try to find out. I'll just see what happens.

I am a little concerned about this one student being bullied in class and the teacher not doing anything about it at all, even after I tell him what is going on. I've heard of pretty serious things coming out of bullying in Japanese schools (well in any country's schools, now that I think about it), so I'm going to keep my eye on the situation. I don't want to be overbearing toward the teacher, but to me bullying should be stopped asap, especially when it affects students so that they can't do their best in class, which was the case last week with this boy. He seemed okay today though, smiling and laughing with friends, so I felt better. I'm hoping things will get better.

Man, that post went into a downer real fast. Really though, today was great. I got along better with the English teacher I work with and even got to eat some super delicious honeydew melon the cafeteria lady brought in because I came back to the middle school after working at day care just because I felt it would be a good thing to do. Mmm, it was so juicy and good. Then I went home. So...I'm pretty tired and off to whatever weird dreams I may have tonight! I hope everybody's having an awesome day and night.

Hm..M

Oh yeah, and I'm thinking South Korea and the Philippines might be two places to which I try to go from Japan.

And listening to music from my sister makes me feel better. Cachao y su orquestra.

Contest!

Today was the English Speech Contest, for which two students and I had been preparing for the last two weeks or so. I feel kind of bad because despite all our practice, they weren't able to give their speeches in a way that would win them a prize. I feel bad because I translated the girl student's into English for her, which was normal, but I wrote it in fairly high level English, or at least English that was above middle school level, and then with the boy, an English teacher wrote his English version and had me fix it up. In both cases, we ended up with speeches that had pretty complex English and were pretty long. At first I thought this would be a good thing because they would exhibit a better English vocabulary when giving the speech, but as it turned out, I didn't really know what the teachers and judges would be looking for. The students who won the contest gave their speeches with lots of exaggerated hand motions, and everyone seemed to put an inordinate amount of emphasis on memorizing the speech completely. I had pretty much ignored the first one because I remember learning to avoid making distracting hand motions and thought pronunciation, intonation, and rhythm would be more important than complete memorization. I always had the conception that good speech-giving depended more on being able to make it flow and improvise, even if that means looking at notes every now and then.

In any case, I missed the mark completely. The contest winners gave short speeches with simple grammar and vocabulary, without looking at their notes very often. When my kids went up, they ended up getting nervous and reading from their notes, even the boy, who had memorized almost the entirety of his mammoth of a speech! I felt kind of bad for not emphasizing complete memorization enough and making their speeches so long and hard in the first place.

But the school that won, and had both its boy and girl place first and second, really had started practice in earnest earlier than my school. As in, they started practicing as soon as their sports festival ended, which was like...a month ago? And their speeches were very good, so they definitely deserved the places they won. Still, I wonder about the point of this whole contest. About a week ago, I started to get the feeling that it was basically just a competition through which a school, and its adult teacher, could claim a special strength and place in the city to incorporate into their school pride/spirit. A number of the kids didn't really even seem that into it. I also wonder about how a speech contest that emphasizes complete memorization and gesturing to the degree it did would actually benefit students learning the English language. They definitely became more familiar with certain words and phrases, and were able to pronounce and read those phrases in a speech decently, but what are they going to do after that trophy goes up in their school's hallway? The whole things just seemed a little shallow to me, like it was more for the satisfaction of the adults running the whole thing than the educational betterment of their students, most of whom, especially those who lost, are likely to never look at their speeches again.

All in all, I got a very weird feeling from the speech contest, which most of the ALTs (Assistant Language Teachers, people on JET pretty much) seemed to share. I'm happy with my students for working as hard as they did, and hope they are able to draw something, or many things, from this experience. I learned a lot too, though I still haven't sorted it all out yet.

In any case, I got a pretty good amount of Japanese practice since I was hanging out with the principal all day long as we went from school to the contest to a farewell dinner for some exchange program students from Washington. I'm also really freaking tired. I was one of the judges for the speech contest and that took way more out of me than I expected. I think I'm just going to go to bed as soon as I'm done writing this.

It was cool seeing the dorky 14-yr. olds from Sequim (small town), Washington give their performances (one was a cosplay [dressing up like anime or manga characters] skit) and say buy to their families with awkward handshakes and hugs, or really awesome full-on hugs! I was really impressed by their lack of embarassment and seemingly pure desire to just have fun and enjoy their time with their friends. I might do well to approach life a little more from this point of view.

Tomorrow's kindergarten day care.

Oh yeah, I made a song the other day. It was...really good. :)

We listened to Green Day...American Idiot might actually be pretty deep and cool going by what they said.

There's nothing like drinking in a parking lot til twelve in the morning talking about spirituality, the past eight years, and music with two new friends.

Oh yeah,

it was also just a bunch of fun.

This weekend

I cannot describe all the things I felt and experienced this weekend in words.
Maybe if I was physically near you, I could scream or flail or hum tranquilly or lay calmly on my side, or on you, and that might get my emotions across to a degree.
So many things inspired me, musically and generally life-wise, in such profound, enjoyable ways.

Really, I met such amazingly friendly and kind people, it made me want even more to be able to be a really friendly and kind person. And then the music! Oh man, that was just...incredible. Haha, I'm really tired because I've been working with two students all last week and this on their English speeches and last night I just found out that I will be performing three songs, one of which is an English of my choosing and that is presumed to be my specialty (I haven't played other people's music besides that Blur song for like the past two years, so...), this Sunday with a local band in front of the entire city (which includes three towns besides mine) for an International Festival. That plus moving all over different schools all the time giving different lesson plans, talking a lot to classes while trying to keep their attention, and such has made my schedule pretty, uh,...full.

BUT, things are good, and with some not taking things, like myself, so seriously (something I've been figuring out), I should be able to sail through this cooly like a ship high in the lightly cloudy skies.

Maybe I'll tell more about the music festival this weekend at another time and put some pictures up. For now, I'll just say...whoa, wow, yes, YES, YES!, AWESOME!, I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY JUST DID THAT!, I've NEVER heard that kind of music before in my life!, I am inspired being belief!, I cannot wait to do more.

What do you call a meeting with 8 people, 4 handouts, and 10 tables?...

Today's ALT meeting which was way too freaking long. I am so glad that is over.

I had the best haircut ever today. I went in on the recommendation of the 3rd year English teacher at my middle school. No, not the extremely socially awkward one that brings frustration in little chocolate eggs like an annoying Cadbury Bunny, but the really cool, laid back one that is cultured and really good at and interested in English. When he told me it was going to be 3800 yen, around 36 bucks, I was like ?!?! in my head, but said, oh okay. 3800 yen? That is like...wow, I don't even need to say any more. Still, I figured I could go for it this time since he was going out of his way to show it to me.

So I get in the chair. Nice, comfortable. Get off to a nice conversation with the barber. Talkin' bout stuff. Get the hair down to a nice level, nice. He puts some cream about my cheek and chin, oh cool you're gonna shave my beard, okay, I guess I can go for that. Oh nevermind, you're just trimming around it. He goes off to the side, starts to have a smoke. Then his wife comes over, pushes a button, and my chair starts leaning back. Next thing I know, I've got some kind of gel all over my face, a steaming hot yellow cloth around the bottom half of my face, covered by another, cooler, white cloth. Soon, she's taking out a shaving blade and paper and going over my whole face. Holy what the heck. THEN, she pushes a button and something in the chair start pounding my back lightly like a masseuse! What?! Then, I'm back up after having all sorts of different towels and creams and blades on my face, and I'm having my hair washed in a sink basin that just unfolded out of the wall in front of me! Then guy comes back and finishes off my hair with some kind of spray-lotion thing that felt really good.

When I left that place, I felt so, so, SO relaxed and good. I just wanted to like...walk around or something...or just be there. Haha, I felt like I was going to fall asleep when I had my head in that basin. Definitely worth the money. That's the second time I've spent more money than I usually would on a haircut in Japan and been quite pleasantly surprised. I don't think my students would even recognize me now. My hair was getting reeeaally long and my beard was growing back in earlier today. So...that could be cool in case one of their older brothers or sisters, or sister's or brother's friends or some kind of acquaitance sees me at the freaky music festival this weekend in Osaka. Although with the possibility of rain tomorrow, and the fact that I'll be staying the next two nights in a campsite without a tent, it is too bad I just did away with some good, thick, long fur that could have afforded me some extra heat.

GOCHA MATSURI. A phonecall brought pleasant news of this event this weekend. Whereas I thought it would be cool to see Afrirampo on Saturday, little did I know that their show would be part of a two-day festival in a campground that you get to by taking a train from Osaka, then a bus from where that train takes you, then walking to a campsite from where the bus drops you off. Yes. And many good bands are to bed had, including Oshiripenpenz, Afrirampo, Water Fai, Melt-Banana, Tonchi (! I've been wanting to see her!...if it is, in fact, the same Tonchi of which I am thinking), Doddodo (I don't know if they're good yet, but they sure look cool!), plus at least 10 other bands. At least. And art. And a whole campground of people to talk to and get to know.

Latest cooking adventure: mochi. I went to an AWEsome festival which included children's sumo, starring the students from the most inaka (rural, isolated, NOT city) of my schools. It also featured DELICIOUS ODEN, which is for sure one of my favorite Japanese foods, with hardboiled eggs, daikon (radish?), chikuwa (fish sausage?), beef stomach, ginger, Japanese mustard (oh so gooodd), and other amazingly tasty treats. I love it. And they served amazake (I think it's called), which is hot drink made out of mochi rice, I think. It's really sweet and reminded me of champurado, but it was white and not as thick and not made of the same thing...haha, maybe just the feel of lots of people who know each other having a celebration together and drinking warm drinks as the weather starts to get colder reminded me of that ohhhh I want champurrado so muchOKAY but ANYWAYS. It was awesome. This old man, some kind of community figure, kept trying to get me to drink amazake with sake in it, but I had driven there so I couldn't. He kept saying, "Oh, it's the afternoon, it'll be okay," and I didn't know if he meant there were no police around or there were no other drivers.

At the end, some of the members of the community threw a BUNCH of little mochi cakes into the churning, swirling mass of people below. Actually, it was just them throwing them from a higher level of the shrine, where the festival was being held, to all the children and their families below who were trying to catch them and running around with smiles on their faces. I caught a few, but my supervisor gave me all of his, so now I have around 20-3o small mochi cakes. So those are the new, exciting component of my dinners! It seems that as soon as I use up most of one huge batch of food I received for free, I am blessed with another bestowance of free food! I love it. Yesterday, I melted some mochi into my rice in the cooker with satsuma imo (I love that stuff) and added in some fried mochi, okra, and carrots for a hearty meal. Today I fried/simmered/smashed up together thinly sliced kabocha with mochi in a shoyu (soy sauce), miso (made especially in my town and "matured" for three years!!), and honey "stock" (?). Then I added in chunkier bits of kabocha and satsuma imo and simmered that for a while. When it was done, I poured it on a good helping of rice for a delicious, and surprisingly filling meal. The miso was PERFECT this time! Just the right amount of taste. Mmm. No pictures this time, maybe later. For the sake of the people reading this from work and needing the strength to make it to lunch :).

Speaking of blessings, I've been thinking a bit about the way I pray. For the past couple of years, I've gone through cycles where I pray more formally, then more casually, then I go back, and write now I'm in a casual period. It's kind of cool, kind of not as cool. But I wonder if there are any other ways. Pondering.

My friends make awesome music.

I'm listening to pinx, Beetle Bug. So good. So trippy. So an entire third of the band I'm in.
I'm lucky and happy.

That sounded like I was talking about being married or in a relationship or something. Well, I suppose it is a relationship, but just not a romantic one. I don't think we need to follow this train of thought, although it would probably get pretty interesting talking about what defines romantic and is music romance.

Haha, okay, I'm going to go get ready for the weekend a bit.

Oh yeah, ADVISE PLEASE. I have been singing so much since I've been here. In my car. In my house. And I feel like I'm not getting better, just continuing with the same basic stuff I can do. And the past couple of weeks my throat has been getting hoarser. I think it has to do with singing so much and talking so much in a loud voice for English class. Any advice for singing without having to worry about always damaging my vocal chords? And maybe excercises to get better? Like increase my range and consistancy, ability to hold a note? If you don't leave any, I'm gonna hunt you down on the internet and ask you anyways. You know who you are.

And I know who I am.

I don't actually think any of us know who we are.

But we're finding out. Or making it up.